resilience

[user789653241]

Do any of you have any tips for building resilience for able children, who had kind of easy life, and easy to give up when he/she hits some hardship?

My ds excel in maths, but if he doesn't like something, he gives up so easily. I really think it's important to learn to persevere(and the teacher commented about same thing), but he isn't good at sport, or interested in music at all. So it's not an option to teach those skills.

I really want him to have a bit of resilience, and understand that he sometimes have to put lots of effort to achieve something in life.

Just to add: 3a in english and only 3b in maths while we thought it should have been better

Thank you for your advice, Sally and Ellle .
Doing something with others sound like a really good life experience for him. It will benefit him in many ways.

So, now I have to convince him to try. Beavers and St Johns Ambulance sound like something he might want to try. I never thought about those things before.
Beavers, if they need to be accepted for place, it may be more difficult to join, but St J A has a branch near us, I will pop in to see if there's a place for him. And I've heard some mums talking about Beavers before, I'll ask her about it next time I see her.
This time, if I manage to start him to do something new, I will definitely make him stick to it.

Greenleave, I wish I had a child like yours, who is really motivated!

Thank you, everyone!!!

And I will try to convince him to try swimming as well, I grew up in the country which has a swimming pool in every school setting.(Including nursery. It's hot in the summer!)

There could be a trouble if the child is a perfectionist at young age and too resilient too. Its better if both our children have a bits of both

I'm not sure that organised extracurricular stuff always means increased resilience for all children. (I know no one's said that!)

In the past, my son had trampolining lessons, football, swimming, Beavers... He still likes to swim, but hated the lessons. He didn't like the trampolining lessons or football, but not because he couldn't do it. He really struggled with the social aspects of Beavers. He's really good at individual sports but not remotely interested in playing them. Drives his big brother mad!

He's much happier on this own or with one or two other people. At home, he draws a lot, builds with Lego, plays Minecraft, does a bit of Scratch, some stop-motion animation. These days I'm happy for him just to be doing drama and piano, both of which he really enjoys. Yes, he has the odd moan about not wanting to go to drama, but he always comes out skipping. If he was begging to join other activities, I'd be happy to accommodate (within reason). Through doing art at home and through piano and drama, he's learning that mistakes are part of learning. Even Lego's helped him with this.

I don't mean to derail: just trying to illustrate that if it turns out that your child doesn't like group stuff, there's still plenty of ways to learn resilience.

Sound like your DS is like mine, lightroom. He enjoys doing things on his own. Just worried that if he kept on doing only things he enjoys, he will never learn to learn.

But I will totally agree with your last comment. Thanks!

If there's a good Forest School near you, it might be worth trying that. It really worked for DD, as the leader there kept an eye on her and ensured that she was trying new stuff without it being 'organised activities' if you know what I mean.

Also, on another tack, we were recommended an American book called Mistakes That Worked. We never discussed it, just left it around, and I think it might have had some effect.

lightroom, if your DS loves Scratch, has he tried computing on

www.khanacademy.org/

My DS really enjoys it.

Thank you opioneers.

I will have a look!

What is your attitude towards your ds when he excels in the things he's really good at? when you say able do you mean outstandingly so? I'm thinking that if he was very good at something and he knows it (and you reinforce this with lots of praise) he may think anything else os a waste of time, as it doesn't bring about the same sense of pride and achievement? You don't have to fling your arms around him and sing his praises to the high heavens every time he answers a tricky question for him to realise his maths acumen is very highly valued by you. It's a lot more nuanced that that. If this rings any bells maybe think of ways to change this. Praise the effort and not the achievement is the most obvious thing to change.
Like other pp I also think it's always good for dc to do things that they aren't naturally gifted at but enjoy so that they develop a sense of how important it is to work at things.

OP, if your son excels in maths, I'd strongly recommend developing his resilience in that context - give him maths to do that is so hard he can't do it all the time, and make sure he's OK with that. Children who are good at maths often don't actually encounter maths that's hard for them until they get to university (or until postgrad sometimes ) and can come really badly unstuck when they do. Trying to develop resilience using something else is all very well, but you run the risk of having him think "ok, there are these things, that I'm not good at, where I have to cope with non-success, but in maths, I always succeed" and then if he goes into maths he's still in a bad state of not being able to cope with non-success. I think the other way round transfers better: if you teach him that in this subject he knows he's great it, still, some problems are really hard and that's OK, he's likely to be able to take the same attitude to things where he's less talented.

You say you're not in the UK so he may not be able to enter the UKMT maths competitions, but you can still use the resources. E.g., start on their web page and try harder and harder challenges until you meet something your DS can't do all of, then have him work at that level or slightly higher. (If he can do BMO2 papers with ease, post again...) Tell him what you're doing and why!

PirateSmile, I definitely praise him for his achievement, and because this is G and T board, I would say he is outstanding when it's about maths, at the moment(not sure about future.)
Yes, I highly value his maths ability because that's what he loves, but I also encourage him and praise him for his effort.
My goal to achieve is exactly what you say,

"sense of how important it is to work at things."

Thank you.

I'm glad you've found that helpful irvine101

ScottishProf , sorry I confused you, I am foreign, but now live in UK.

I really understand what you are saying. In maths, everything he does at school at the moment comes really easy for him. But I know it's not for forever. That is exactly why I am worried about. We started using Nrich for problem solving skills, which he can't solve instantly.( Lovely MNetters recommended to me)

I have heard about UKMT, but assumed it's a bit too advanced for him.(He's in YR3)
I'll have a proper look, and if it's too advanced, I will keep the link for future.
Thank you.

Sorry for misunderstanding! The Mathematical Association's Primary Maths Challenge is a step easier than the easiest of the UKMT challenges; you might like to start there. Glad you've found nrich already.

Thank you ScottishProf

May I butt in for a moment and ask Scottish Prof a question? DS2 is in year 2 and currently working at a level 4c (we are in Wales so still use NC levels). He picks up all new concepts at that level very easily. Would you suggest pushing him up the levels until he actually starts to find things hard, or more broadening? And if more broadening how do I go about that? e.g. where do I find puzzles for him to solve?

Regarding resilience DS does both gymnastics and music lessons where in both he is actually quite good (his teacher's words not mine), but because he has to try hard at it, and is the youngest in the classes he can see that he isn't as good as the others. It can lead to tears but we talk about it a lot about how hard he is trying and how he is improving. Sometimes he will mess about in the lessons because he thinks he can't do it well enough but fortunately his teacher understands his psychy and works with him on it.

"he isn't good at sport, or interested in music at all. So it's not an option to teach those skills."

That reads like you agree that there's no point in doing something if he's not good at it.

I think it may help if kids see you try but not particularly excel, and even better, enjoy something & be glad you did it in spite of not being much good at it. Try to find those opportunities to model the attitude & encourage him to do stuff just for fun, not because he's good at it.

yeOldeTrout, I totally agree with your last comment, I'm not only encouraging him to do what he is good at.

It is far from me thinking it's no point for him to try. That is the biggest reason I started this thread. Thank you for your advice!

MadAboutMathsMum (great nn) I suggest ideally combine those ideas - push him broad till he finds things hard! It can be tricky to do anything but accelerate in those early years, especially as young children can lack the stamina to persist at hard problems, but the more you can provide hard problems that require more thought, rather than knowing more stuff, the better. Use nrich, use the challenges, encourage curiosity. The Murderous Maths books (and website) are awesome too, for recreation, though not all children like their style.