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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Horrible conversation with other parent.(Need help!)

43 replies

user789653241 · 09/09/2015 22:09

Sorry I am so upset!

One of a parent approached me today and started conversation about how school teach maths.
She said that her dd can calculate in her head, so why she needs to learn all those methods to show working out.

I had same problem with my ds since reception, and tried really hard to explain to ds that he needs to do it.

I tried to explain to her that it is required especially on the tests, since they get points for working out. And teachers needs to know they understand the methods properly.(Are these the right reasons?)

She started to become very offensive and loud because I didn't agree that the system is stupid.

I can understand her frustration, but why take it out on me?

I 'm hoping that she would drop the subject, but if she continue, what should I say? Why do children need to show working out and it's not good enough to know the answer?

Please help, I am desperate.(I wish I could ignore her but her dd and my ds are in same class.

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/09/2015 22:19

Just say, "We've already discussed this and will need to agree to disagree".

You don't have to have any conversations with anyone you don't want to. You don't have to be rude, you can just say you need to make an urgent call or need to pop to the loo if she approaches you.

Just refuse to engage

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/09/2015 22:21

Ps - they need to show workings to demonstrate correct problem solving. Teachers need to know they are correctly working out the sums and can properly apply the techniques to larger, more complex problems

OhYouBadBadKitten · 09/09/2015 22:25

I say that maths is like a recipe, you cant skip steps and expect someone else to follow your recipe. Its important that people can explsin the process clearly and that is just as important as the answer.

Having said that, it can be hard to explain things that seem obvious but remember it is possible, its what teachers do every day.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/09/2015 22:27

Yes,teachers teach method not answers. So if they do 4x 3 they could add 3 lots of 4, or use a grid or long x. If they do a 3 step problem (think about it, maths is problem solving) you can detect how they do it, and where they go wrong.

Say Toby has 6 pigs, and ??9, the feed is 50p per pig per day, how much food can he buy ... blah.....

janethegirl2 · 09/09/2015 22:27

I'd refer her to the teachers. Let them deal with her point of view. It's not your problem.
Alternatively tell her to fuck off

AnyoneButAndre · 09/09/2015 22:28

Because it's a vital habit to learn for when maths gets harder and it will save your bacon when you sometimes get answers wrong in exams.

Redcrayons · 09/09/2015 22:32

Why is she singling you out for the rant?

IguanaTail · 09/09/2015 22:33

You are correct and she is wrong. More than half the marks go on the working out because they need to see the process they went through. If they show the working and then at the very end make a tiny error then they will still get quite a few marks. If there is no working out and an error then there are zero marks. But you won't persuade her, so don't bother.

If you feel it would be hard to say "we need to agree to disagree" just say "why not talk to the maths teacher, it's not my speciality".

Or you could say "you're probably right" - it makes no difference to you or your child and she is never going to admit you were correct.

yeOldeTrout · 09/09/2015 22:34

And it may suggest they're not cheating by writing down the answer their mate told them.

IguanaTail · 09/09/2015 22:37

Just be satisfied that you are 100% correct. If she tells her son's teacher that she feels it is sufficient to just put an answer, she will very quickly be told that he will effectively make himself ineligible for a huge amount of points. Up to her. If she wants to sabotage her son's marks as well as alienate other parents through her ridiculous behaviour then that's up to her.

Lurkedforever1 · 09/09/2015 22:38

Because ideally they need to get in the habit of showing their working for when they are doing more complex questions/ exams. And at some point everyone hits a point where they can't calculate it in their head. And even before then they need to demonstrate that they've grasped the correct method.
I was off ill when we did long multiplication at primary. I therefore made up my own very long winded method, which nobody ever noticed, because workings weren't looked at. It was years later I came across the much quicker method.
However I think 'we'll have to agree to disagree' covers any further debate.

NewLife4Me · 09/09/2015 22:42

I agree with her and find most schooled methods don't work for many children.
However, she has signed up to this system and the teachers need documented evidence that a child can do these things.
It's the same with writing, it's a recording method more than just hand writing or whatever else they are learning.

Verypissedoffwife · 09/09/2015 22:42

Why don't you just tell her that you don't give a shit? That's what I would do. Along with telling her that she's boring me.

I'd smile whilst saying that though - just to take the sting out

NewLife4Me · 09/09/2015 22:43

Sorry, meant to add. I have never tried to get anybody else to see my view though. Just ignore her or change the subject, she sounds like a trouble maker if she is going to argue with the system.

Original poster

user789653241 · 09/09/2015 22:49

Thank you for your replies.

I do believe it is very important skill to be able to explain how you got the answer.(Especially like AnyoneButAndre says, in the future when maths gets harder.)

I wish I can be rude to her! She has been annoying since my ds beat her dd on some timed test last year. So she knows ds is good at maths.

I think I will suggest her to talk to the teacher.

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:

PerspicaciaTick · 09/09/2015 22:51

"I don't know, I'm not a teacher"
"What do you want me to say"
"Have you spoken to the teacher about this?"
"Why do you think I know?
"Who knows? Now let's change the subject"

Original poster

user789653241 · 09/09/2015 23:01

Redcrayons, I think she is singling me out because I' m quiet, and I don't think I come across as somebody disagrees with her.

OP posts:

G1veMeStrength · 09/09/2015 23:05

You should scare her away. Hold up your hand, fingers splayed and bark 'talk to the fingers coz the face ain't countin' . That should do it

Original poster

user789653241 · 09/09/2015 23:09

G1veMeStrength, you made me smile! Thank you.

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 09/09/2015 23:32

Saying otherwise is rather like saying a child should only have to read the last chapter of a book.

Unfortunately, there is no arguing with stupid. Especially stupid with a chip on her shoulder about your child's maths skills.

randomsabreuse · 09/09/2015 23:47

However clever you are under pressure 1+1 sometimes equals 3. If you've showed your workings you get most of the marks, if not you get zero.

Definitely a good habit...

Some of S-Level was showing derivations so all about the workings!

var123 · 10/09/2015 06:58

Why not just say that you tell your DS that it is to teach the habit of explaining their methodology which they will need (much) later when maths is about delivering proofs, not jotting down the right answer? i.e. when there is a theorem and then the student has to prove it.

Then and start doing all the things that people do to discourage others from speaking to them (e.g. pausing a long time before answering, looking away distractedly etc.) and then finally hesitate for a long second, like you are trying to remember what you were discussing and suggest that she should take it up with the school if she wants the official reason because you are only guessing.

Lweji · 10/09/2015 07:07

I'd go with PerspicaciaTick's stock answers.

goblinhat · 10/09/2015 07:07

newlife- I agree with her and find most schooled methods don't work for many children.

But that's rubbish.

Even the most gifted mathematician will at some point have to write down workings. You think it's possible to do A level Maths just by working things out in your head?
You think even Einstein didn't have the need to write things down?

Horrible conversation with other parent.(Need help!)

Fatrascals · 10/09/2015 07:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

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