my son is bright - and boy does he know it!

[DimpledThighs]

I am getting really fed up now - almost to the point of finding my son hard to be around. He is very clever - not on G&T at school but from reading around that is pretty much a waste of time anyway. I always thought that he is stimulated at home and at school he will learn to work as a group and socialise with others. I now think I could be wrong. It seems that at school he is learning that he knows more than everyone else and he doesn't need to try. He is so used to knowing better that he is becoming really condesending and rude - not just to his peers but to adults - me included. He remids me of Kevin the teenagers with his shrugs and sighs at my reprimands and he is only 7!!!

How do I get him to recognise that:

1. he doesn't know everything
2. sometimes other people know more / are better at things than him
3. he needs to try hard
4. to tolerate and not be rude
5. to cooperate without assuming everyone else is stupid

I feel so worn down by him - he bosses everyone around and I am not a strict discplinarian, not in my nature.

I just want to send him to bootcamp classes - do they do those for 7 yr olds?!

Keep him even busier at home (but I do note that he already is stimulated outside school); what about trying a new activity to challenge him - a musical instrument, judo class, art club ? May not work, but worth a try ?

My dd (y3) is very bright and never had to try at all at school until this year. She wasn't/isn't rude but was bored at school in spite of doing piano lessons, science club, drama club, extra swimming at the weekend, etc etc. We tried building up the extra curricular side of things but to no avail; she has this year moved to a new (selective) school and is flourishing in a class of bright girls. Because they're all bright, the school curriculum moves at a fast and challenging pace, building in plenty of time for more drama, swimming , art etc than dd had at her old school. The change in dd has been amazing ! She still comes home bubbly and enthusiastic, but no longer says she's bored. Nor does she ask for extra "work" as she did before.

I realise selection at this age isn't everyone's cup of tea, (it would have been anathema for me regarding my 2 older ds's who are very bright too) or even an available choice for many, but it's certainly worked for dd.

I am bumping this in a very deseperate way. I have a meeting this evening with ds class teacher and I don't know what to say. Ds says he is bored and lonely at school and huis teacher isn't kind. He is always being told off for being disobedient or not doing what the teacher says. He has started saying he doesn't say his ideas in class as the other children don't understand.

What do I do?????

I can't afford private and in my heart I want this to work for him, but we are all unhappy

any tips for this evening please!!!!!

oh forgot to say - thanks wandering star. I am glad things are working out for your dd - and am very glad I am not alone.

It is important for bright kids to realise that they can't do everything, and for them to have challenges that will test them to the point of failure, so that they learn to really stretch themselves and motivate themselves, and try really hard.

If you want to try something with him I have a couple of literacy-based puzzles, which work well with G&T kids, as long as they are told in advance that they will not be able to complete them, and the aim is to try their best.

CAT me if you want me to email them to you.

Another thing that works well is learning an instrument, because everyone needs to struggle and put the hours of practice in and work hard, no-one is automatically an instant musician.

My boys are very unsporty, but they still do sporting activities. This helps them realise that they are not good at everything, and other people have different talents to them. When they struggle in swimming lessons, it helps them to empathise with children who struggle in maths lessons.

When ds1 was 7 we had several long chats about being big-headed and obnoxious about his abilities, and since then he's been great about it; and doesn't brag. (For him he would give up the academic abilities in an instant if he could swap them for the sporting prowess of some of his peers in football and swimming.)

May be too late for this evening: but some more ideas -

1. get the teacher on your side, and ask/encourage her to give your ds some little jobs round the classroom, eg "this week's giver-out of the reading books/art supplies/whatever is xxxx". He might enjoy having to concentrate on something other than his work for a while.
2. Could she ask him to do a little project on some of the ideas you say he's interested in, to show the class at a show and tell type event ?

My eldest ds was like yours when younger; not all his teachers "got the point" of him. He's now 13 and also now at a selective school, but it was certainly swings and roundabouts with him during the earlier years of his schooling.

I know you want him to fit in and be happy, but it may be you and/or his teacher(s) will have to find some stategies which will at least allow him to be happier and not told off so much. Good luck to you !

A friend of mine also has a very bright daughter age 6. She has talked with her school and arranged for her to have some language lessons (also challenging) and piano extra to her usual lessons - I think she is taken out of some of the other lessons to do these. This is a good challenge for her when she had been bored at school. She is at an inner-city state primary. What I mean is don't despair that the school can't help until you have discussed it thoroughly with them.

Even if what you've read about gifted-talented scheme sounds less than brilliant, have you found anyone else who has personal experience of it? (Is there another thread about g-t on MN?) The school, may have something to offer if you pursue it.

I am sure the teacher will be sympathetic and helpful and may have experience of similar children - keep talking to the school about it. Good luck - it sounds as if your son is already thinking through his own situation and you are giving him excellent support.

So sorry not to have seen this earlier - you're probably at school now. I'm dying to hear how it went??! Will watch with interest

How'd you get on?

hi

thanks for all teh supportive messages.

It went well all in all. I went for the charm offensive and talked about working together. I do like his teacher, he is in his early 20's and was a nurse before a teacher. He talked a lot about my son and seemed to know him well. He said that he makes sure he is streched in class and tries to get the group to focus on effort rather than results. He has talked about working on my sons swinging emotions and allowing him time out. He would not be pushed at all on the achievement thing. He said my son is extrememly able without making much effort (hence the focus on effort rather than results) but explained that he is using topics that can be taken as far as the child needs.

I must say that it was not the greatest but could have been worse. I was looking through his work at the end and saw a detailed drawing and explanation of dna that he had seen at the museum under 'what I did in the holidays' and the teacher had put 'interesting'!

I have work to do but feel I can do in with (rather than against) what the school is doing.

Thanks again for your support.

Sounds like the teacher is tuned into your son's needs. That is excellent news - keep up the dialogue with school - it will be to everyone's advantage. I expect a good deal of your own frustration is with behaviour/emotional issues which are common for his age - maybe there is some way you can separate them from the bright/bored issue and help him with being friends without feeling different.
Not much advice I'm afraid - but there are lots of books available on helping social behaviour / playing better.
All the best.

I am an Education Consultant for the NAGC and I would like to offer another perspective. It sounds like your son has many characteristics of a G&T child. You may wish to view the list of characteristics on our website www.nagcbritain.org.uk and also complete the online test on the same site. The school should be using challenging enrichment activities which would be beneficial not only for your son and the other G&T students but all pupils in the school. The school are obliged to recognise the top 10% in the school and place them on a school register and supply this information to the national register. They should also be offering challenging and enriching classwork, homework, reading material and after school clubs like maths club, science club, chess club, dance club etc. If you call me I can be of assistance. There is a very useful tool that I feel all teachers should have on their desks "Thinking Outside the Box". If you would like to call me on our Helpline number one of our operators would be pleased to advise you and give you the details. 0845 450 0221 Open MOnday to Friday, closed Tuesdays.