is it usual for gifted boys to have some asd traits?

[nicosmum]

I am trying to figure out if my gifted 4yo has aspergers syndrome or just some side effects from being gifted. (his preschool have said he is well ahead at maths and reading so that is why I make the gifted assumption). the problems are

lack of eye contact
lack of interaction with peers , just likes to do his own thing.
rages at small injustices e.g. if someone pushes in front on a slide, inability to just let it go.

I am trying to get an apt with a paediatrician but it is apparently a long process as need to go through HV first.

I just wanted to ask if other mum's have this sort of issue with their dc?

OP your description describes my DD at that age. She had a reading age many years ahead and maths off the scale and made friends but only one or two and never made eye contact. She spoke like an adult at three and put off some adults let alone children poor poppet. She was also (and still is) extremely clumsy. Her school suggested we got her tested but we made the decision never to do so as she could make friends, could learn, catching a ball wasn't a high priority problem for us and we didn't want a label for her if it wasn't going to help.

She is ten now and will always be the quirky one in the class raging at injustices and getting upset if a rule is broken and has a very small friendship group, hates crowds and needs alone time on a regular basis, but is otherwise happy and sociable, goes on camp with the brownies and did very well in the eleven plus.

For us there was nothing so severe that we wanted a diagnosis and for us it was our choice always to just see her as she is and create coping mechanisms for each quirk. if there had been things we couldn't cope with we maybe would have sought out a diagnosis. I know I am tainted by having seen some diagnoses in the past and some can lead to excuses not to achieve or do things so we didn't want that label. We have of course seen the opposite where it has been a catalyst to get help and for the child to thrive. It is all about what you think is best.

The autism activist/spokesperson/whatever Temple Grandin says that all gifted people are somewhere on the spectrum, and I think there is a lot of truth in that.

But I also think that it is particularly difficult for gifted children in the early years, because their interests and way of going about everything are just so different that it's really hard for them to fit into a classroom. Two schools have mumbled about 'social difficulties' with DD: she makes friends fine out of school, but really gets along best with children who are more like her. (Pettswood, I could have written your post almost word for word!)

In terms of the sensitivities and food preferences and so on, it's worth googling 'Dabrowski's OverExcitabilities' though, as a lot of this stuff does go with giftedness as well as ASD.

None of which makes anything very much clearer really, but there you go.

Hi I won't go into back story as will be too much to post but ds age 5 basically fits the descriptions above. School think he may be asd so we are having him referred, my gut feel is that he isn't but I'm willing to go along with things as on the off chance he is we will know earlier. However I feel like the school are pretty much convinced he is. Say he does get a dx and in time he does catch up on the social side such that the dx was wrong, would it have done him harm getting the dx or could it only help, as regards extra help in class etc

Anony it's absolutely a comfort thing for him, and although he likes showing off his skills, he only shares a small fraction of his calculations with us. However it's not a problem. It's a bit alienating from his friends and I don't think the hairdresser much likes him trying to quiz her on maths sums instead of making small talk, but lots of Y2s aren't completely skilled at small talk.

Popup thanks for the recommendation. I think, however obsessive DS gets, he doesn't have the difficulties of ASD. I just get twitchy when he goes through an angry phase and his communication skills dip further. I think he's a bit like a speech delayed 2 year old still, there is so much more in his head than he can express.

My DS1 is G&T. He is also 'odd' in the sense he never played with toys as a child, He only ever wanted to talk to adults non stop.

At 15 he still has a deep sense of injustice and does not understand or indeed totally misunderstands what facial expressions mean and what people say to him really mean.

He is not a maths/science wiz like many Aspergers syndrome children but is very deeply engaged in football statistics. He can reel off the transfer fees and positions of every player in the Champions League. He is very sensitive to smell and noise. He hates any kind of change in his routine. He is easily led by others, doesn't get humour, irony, sarcasm, or that people sometimes lie. He takes every word said to him at face value. If I tell him to do an hour of homework he does - literally 60 minutes and then stops.

He is gifted at school in humanities and language. He could write heart breaking poetry age 9 and was years ahead with his reading age. He can mimic any accent he hears and speak fluent Spanish and Latin. He would spend hours looking out of the window at primary school because he had already completed the tasks the teachers had set him.

He is settling down now and beginning to relax and I have never been tempted to have him 'assessed' but perhaps we should have.

I am a little anxious for him as he grows up and whether he will deal with the adult world. His younger brother is super level emotionally intelligent and is the only person who really 'gets' DS 1 and often debriefs him to help him understand what other people have said and what it really means.

My family has aspergers/autism running through several generations and I think DS1 has it. Never sure what a diagnosis would do to help him though.

He starts at a very academically selective school in September so I'm hoping that he will find a group of like minded peers and feel a little bit more accepted.

I think this is an important aspect, that kids with "quirks" are among other similar children in their class/school, so a selective school is ideal as they don't stand out as being unusual and ripe for bullying etc. because there's several of them in the class rather than them being the only one.

We went through this with our DS, who has all the usual traits, the lack of inter-action, poor social skills, obsessive behaviour, etc. He's in a selective school and is going from strength to strength. He has loads of friends and we've had few issues at school as there are a lot of others just like him, so he doesn't stand out at all, so if he says or does something "not normal", he doesn't get ridiculed or bullied for it, as others will have done the same!

At the end of the day, it's not an illness, it's a pattern of behaviour, that most people will learn to deal with, even if they can't be "cured". In the adult world, mild behavioural issues aren't usually a problem, but at school, with the widespread bullying issues, they can make the child's life hell if the school havn't got a grip, so the more like-minded children, the better!

Sorry, I know this is an old thread now but I have just found it and it has really helped me.

misti. Your post
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I do think that UK primary schools seem to value what are in many respects behaviours that seem to come easier (or at least earlier) to girls, such as cooperative, primarily verbal play, and lots of imaginative writing (boys do seem to struggle more with putting pen to paper). This seems to lead to suspicions of ASDs where they may not exist. I'm absolutely sure that if we had been in the UK, DS would have been referred for assessment. I am equally sure that while he may have his quirks (socially awkward; food and texture aversions; excessively logical) he is definitely not on the spectrum.*

I couldn't agree more. I feel the school just don't "get" my DS (5.8). I don't think they are helping him realise his potential at all - being a July boy doesn't help. Am planning a word with the HT to ask about their HLP programme. As far as I can see there isn't one.