I feel the exhaustion coming on already!

[var123]

Yesterday DS1 (age 12) tearfully begged me to have a conversation with him. To cut a long story short, it turns out that he's been feeling lonely and starved of conversation for a while.

I am a SAHM mum but I've been busy these last few months, so when he's at home, I've been leaving him to amuse himself. He talks to boys at school but only a couple of words here and there, in between lessons.

What is exhausting me is what he wants to talk about: anything as long as its grown up. So, yesterday, I spent an hour whilst I was making dinner describing the events and implications of the Arab spring, with reference to the Tunis museum attacks last week.
Then we watched the documentary 5 broken cameras on netflix together.
Today, he has asked me to explain bond pricing to him.

I know this sounds like a first world problem, but he was really upset because he's so bored. Whenever we go out somewhere as a family, he wants to be doing something, like bowling or visiting a museum (which DS2 hates).

I don't think i can keep up even though Dh has said he'll help. I just don't have enough general knowledge. We know these are not normal 12 year old interests, so the chances of finding a friend his own age to engage with like this are not very high.

TED is fabulous my son loves it. I am glad he likes Minecraft though as it does help him fit in - despite the fact he builds in the style of various architects such as Le corbusier! Your son will find his niche ... It is just finding that place to so so. Mine is currently in the garden with wool and knitting needles trying to make some sort of contraption attached to a tree (I have no idea) I worry that he is solitary but I was like that as a child.

Any book clubs locally?

There are book clubs for 12 year olds??

I honestly think you should tell him to find out- then come back and talk to you about it.

Agree with Hayluk.

My girls love looking things up on the internet and making power points about it.

Look it up himself - he does sometimes. I am not sure he'd find bond maths so easily explained, as it does feature a lot of terminology as a barrier to entry, but I could be wrong.

Powerpoint presentation about it all - unfortunately, he really would not enjoy that at all. He'll do them for school work, but not for pleasure.

Obviously there are always things that as parents we have to explain and discuss with our children. But the trick is to give them the tools to be able to find things out themselves, and learn themselves. That goes for the whole of the education system - information should not be spoon fed.

Why not a book club? I had one at school. Probably a more natural way of getting him talking with like minded students, rather then a sixth form mentoring system, which could backfire if the wrong buddy/mentor is chosen.

A book club is a good idea, its just i didn't know they existed for pre-teens. If anyone else's child goes to one, how did you find out about it?

I'm wondering if it's worth looking up local homeschooling groups, they may have ideas on how to encourage children to discuss and learn, and provide opportunities for them to do so. The homeschoolers I know tend to encourage independent thinking and philosophy.

I don't think his interests sound particularly odd - lots of kids take an interest in current affairs, don't they? I've been talking to my dd about stuff like this for years, and she is only nine. My nephew will quite happily chat about stuff like this too.

Radio 4 is definitely a good way to go. I grew up with it always on in the background, and I learnt so much from it. DD now loves it too. There are plenty of good documentaries to watch too. You said that you had subscribed to The Week, which we love. :)

I wonder if part of the "problem" here is that you feel insecure about your own level of general knowledge. I don't think that matters, necessarily - you can just explore new subjects together!

Its not like I know millions of 12/ 13 year old boys. Maybe just the ones I remember from school, my brothers and cousins at that age and my children's friends. i haven't met another pre-teen boy with DS's interests, but then the sample size is small.

So, is everyone saying that DS should be able to find someone in his form who shares at least some of his non football and cars interests? or in his year from approx 100 boys?

I'm sure there are plenty of boys who share his interests, it's just a matter of finding them - hence the suggestions of orchestras, chess clubs etc.

Not sure what his interests are- is there a subject he is consistently interested in?

Var123 - our local Waterstones has recently started a book group for children - it may be worth asking them if they do one or could signpost you to one locally.

Hakluyt - luckily for Ds1, the main thing that he's always interested in is football. if it wasn't for that, i don't know where he'd be with the other boys at school.

Otherwise, human geography, maybe (he's known a lot about other countries since the 2010 so i guess that qualifies as long enough to be a long term interest?). But mainly he just likes learning new things.

Plenty of lectures on geography if you look at you tube DS aged 14 is mad on watching chemistry and physics lectures, the odd lecture on economics and watches lots of history documentaries. I used to find it exhausting and friends sometimes comment about it.

my ds was very mature at that age and he talked to his teachers a lot. Even talked himself into a 6th form club in yr7. I think he got most of his info on the internet and free newspaper on the train to school.

Does the school have MUN or the court competition, i would have thought it would be ideal for your ds.

What are MUN and the court competition? I've never heard of them. That's the problem with this secondary school - you learn what would've been useful after the moment has passed!

Agreed that TED talks are ace.

MUN is Model United Nations. No idea about the court competition!!

MUN is Model United Nation where schools compete as different countries against other schools. Lots of debating and research beforehand for the assignment.
The court competition is a mock trial again with school competing against each other. The schools are given a case to take to trial. They have to mount a defence and a prosecution. The students play all the roles and the competition takes place in a magitrates court and os judged by magistrates. Its a nationwide competition with several rounds.
My dcs school take part in both and they are a normal comp.

The mock trial competition is year 8 or 9 and MUN is from yr 7 up.

I'd point him towards google and let him then tell me what he has found about about the topic. You might need to start with some general questions to get him sorted, but why is he asking you to do the talking.

Thee is a whole world of stuff out there, the sooner he finds out how to find out, the better.

Have you tried the National Association for Gifted Children? They have groups across the country which have got children just like your DS.

The brilliance of the Internet is that you can find info on and someone to talk to about anything.

For example I've just typed "potholing discussion forum" into google and come up with the British Caving Club (and it's forum), various local caving clubs and a discussion on digital spy about whether potholing is great fun or your worst nightmare.