What to do about secondary school for DD who has skipped a year?

[ArsMamatoria]

Very early days yet, but DD2 is about to go into Yr 1, having started Reception a year early on the school's recommendation (nursery attached to school).

She is absolutely thriving and - at the moment - she is in the right place for her, but I worry about secondary school, when physical and emotional differences may become a problem.

I'm considering the benefits and disadvantages of:
a) Continuing to go through the system a year early
b) Repeating yr 6 at a different school, then re-joining her age group in secondary
c) Home ed for a year at some point (end of KS2. 3. 4. 5?). DH and I are both secondary teachers and he would be able to be a SAHP.

I'd be grateful for anyone's thoughts on this and/or experiences of being a year ahead - both good and bad.

Thanks

Just a wild stab in the dark, but could you afford to take a career break and take her travelling for a year?

Or speak to secondary about early entry nearer the time. Most won't do it, but a few will.

Could she go private for secondary? There might be more room for manoevre there.

2 points of view here...

I went through school a year ahead. I was ok in secondary school, but it was frustrating when everyone else was starting driving lessons and I still had a year to go. Emotionally and maturity-wise I didn't stick out.

DD was put into y1 last year for some of the time (she was in YR) and I was very reluctant to move her up completely, although it was discussed at one point. I believe it is very unlikely she would be permitted to move up to secondary a year early as I did and so I didn't want her to have to repeat a year in her primary school. She has loved her time at school so far and I'm certain we made the right choice. A good school should be able to differentiate for a very bright child.

Out of interest, is she in state or private?

We are in the same situation (DD is just about to go into year 4).

Our plans are basally either b) or c), depending on both DD's needs and our work situation at the time. Although if we do b) it would probably be at a local selective school where junior and senior are on the same site and she would be going up to senior with probably 80% of the children in her class. I'd worry about sending her to a whole new school for just one year.

We don't want to keep her accelerated in Secondary, because adolescence is hard enough to get through as it is without the additional stress of being by far the youngest. I also had a friend at Uni who had been put up a year and I think he himself felt that he would have found it easier had he not - and I've seen a few threads on here in the past where people have said the same thing.

I think Galena is right, very few state secondaries will take a child a year early, and we were told by the school when it was agreed that if we wanted to keep her accelerated this would commit us to private education.

And yes a good school will differentiate, but there are quite a few that make a real hash of it sadly.

Thanks all, that's really helpful.

Wafflenose - Lovely though it would be, it's not really an option to go travelling because one of us has to work and we also have DD1 to think about. Perhaps we're just not enterprising enough to work out a way to do it! Something to think about more seriously perhaps...

They are in a private school at the moment and we do have this as an option in the future (long story, but my first DP died when I was pregnant with DD2 and his parents are paying for the girls' education. There is no way private would be an option if this weren't the case). So, there are plenty of schools in the area that would take her a year early. The local comprehensive or grammar school wouldn't take her early though, so to go there she would have to repeat Yr 6.

Galena - that's an interesting position. If you knew for sure that your DD could go to secondary a year ahead would you have chosen that route? I've only read about people who didn't like being accelerated in secondary, so it's good to hear from someone who didn't find it a real problem.

Tenderbuttons, yes - at the moment I'm leaning towards your way of thinking. On a slightly different note, could I ask what reaction you've had from teachers and fellow parents/friends with children the same age about your DD being out of year group?

At the time I might have. Now, I'm glad I didn't. I much prefer having her with her peers and some of the others have closed the gap a bit between her and them, so whilst she's still a way above them, she can work with peers.

If she is in private would she be continuing into secondary with her current co-hort? I'd say that would make a massive difference to the whole thing tbh. Continuing in the same situation with the same people would be a reasonable prospect, going to a new school with new people who don't know her would be a no from me for the reasons others have said above.

Mostly it's been fine. Teachers are OK, because the move was suggested by the school and she spent the first two terms with a very experienced teacher, with a view that it might not work out, but they were quite quickly convinced that she's in the right place. It also helps that she's an autumn birthday, so the difference isn't huge. All the parents know as they send out a contact list with the children's birthdates on; a couple of people have asked me why we did it, and I just say that the school thought it was the best thing. The only slight problem is one girl in the class who knew her before (I have been friend with her mum for ages) and so was a bit outraged that this younger girl moved into the class. But I think she's getting over it now.

Outside school, we've only really told close friends, so it's fine. At least I think it is. Who knows what they say when we are not there?

How's it been for you?

I did this (or rather my parents did) - I skipped reception year and was already a summer birthday so one of the youngest in my year - put me almost 2yrs behind some of the others.

I didn't have any negative impacts at all and am surprised people are so down on it in theory. It was just one of those things that I was a bit younger - I'd grown up with my class and noone really batted an eye.

Why don't you wait til a bit closer to the time and see how mature she is? It seems absolutely pointless to me to repeat a year.

I think you need to regularly reassess the situation. I skipped a year and by the time I was in year 5 it was horrible. The other girls seemed to mature overnight and I was desperately unhappy for a term, hiding in the cloakroom crying.
Finally someone, I am not certain who realised what was going on and the next term I was back in year 4. I was given extending work in year 4 and was much happier and had real friends.

I skipped a year in infants also, but the local authority would not allow me to go to secondary a year early (even though I am an autumn birthday so was only a few weeks off being in that year legitimately) so I had to repeat a year, and in many ways I don't think I ever recovered from it - as an adult I can see two distinct phases in my school career - the bit before the repeat where I used to try hard, and the bit after when I determined that it made no difference if I tried hard or not - a habit that has sadly stuck with me into adulthood and which I am trying hard to rid myself of.

So personally I'd rule out repeating a year - don't even let your LA attempt to suggest it.

Have you thought about sending her abroad to live with a family, or to a boarding school, to give her fluency in a language? I know not all parents would be cool with this, but it happens a lot with foreign children coming to UK prep schools for a year. So why not do her a big favour and give her the gift of language.

I think the age differences become less obvious as the years go by, rather than grow. At least that's what i have observed from looking at my children's classes at school. The oldest is in year 8 now. Some children are mature whilst others are notably immature. Some are serious, others are silly. Some have hit puberty, other children haven't, even though they are older.

Also, consider how much younger your DC will be than a child born in late August.

However, I agree that finding a secondary school ready to take her may be the challenge.

What did your school say about the future when they proposed the idea of starting her a year early in reception?

I did year 6 twice and really enjoyed it.
It meant that I knew a lot of the year above in secondary school too, which made me feel a lot more comfortable.

I skipped a year in juniors (went from yr3 to yr5) and stayed in that cohort throughout school (private schools). It worked fine for me, but I was also tall for my age (January birthday, was still amongst the tallest girls in my new class) and relatively socially mature, confident etc. I think that can make quite a difference - I would have been more noticeably the odd one out if I'd been smaller or 'younger' behaviourally.

Yes, all my friends in the 6th form learnt to drive before me, and I wasn't legally allowed to have a drink in the pub to celebrate the end of my A-levels (not that pubs were bothered about ID back in those days), but the same will apply to my DS, who has an August birthday so won't turn 18 until after he leaves school.

I really don't think that kind of thing is an issue as long as the child in question is happy in the year group. If there is the possibility of staying at the same school for secondary, with the same cohort, then I think that would be the least disruptive option.

Also, fwiw, my DD (11) has just started year 7, and at that age there is a huge range in terms of physical and emotional development even when everyone is born in the same 12-month window. DD is 5'6, very definitely needs a bra, looks more like 14, but some of her friends born within a month or two could still pass for 9-year-olds. Some of them are into boyfriends and make-up, some still play with Sylvanians, some do both! It's all normal for that age.

I think it's a bit premature to be thinking about secondary school. You may find that the gap narrows as she moves up the school, or that she is simply not emotionally mature enough to move with her current cohort.

I know of children who have been move forward and kept back for different reasons, but it is not a static situation. I would keep monitoring and see how she develops each year.

I am a Feb birthday and went through senior school ahead. I think I'd rather have repeated Y6, although I would not have appreciated it at the time and my parents strongly felt that it would be a huge backward step. The gap is ok at 10 but GCSEs and A levels are stressful enough without having to do them young, even if you are predicted straight As. In fact the brightest can be perfectionists and put themselves under immense pressure, which is exacerbated by being less mature. There was a ridiculously high rate of overdoses and anorexia in us young'uns (sorry). Maybe we were just unlucky but if it were my child, I wouldn't take the risk.

The home ed option is very specific to your family, so I don't think we can really comment. Do all the school stop at Y6 and start at Y7? I just wonder if there are any that overlap, so she could do the same year twice but by attending only 2 schools. My public school had intake at 11, 12 and 13 but that was many years ago.

I really wouldn't. But then I wouldnt go into yr1 early either. A good school can differentiate within the class/year group.

My daughter is v.bright and if anything id prefer her to have a reception-style learning for longer. Learning through play/self initiated etc suits a bright child. A good teacher should be able to cover material for those that are ahead/bright/need extension.

I was put up a year in primary school and stayed with that cohort throughout school and university. My parents gave me the option of repeating Year 6 instead of going to secondary school, but I knew I would have hated that! So I went to secondary school and I found it absolutely fine. I wasn't the smallest or the most immature by a long way, and by the time I was doing my GCSEs I think everyone at school had forgotten about it.

So, I think option (b) of your choices would be the worst of the three, from my point of view. Either (a) or (c) would work - if you're concerned about her socially and emotionally then maybe (c) could be a good option. She would presumably do really well with home ed for a year perhaps at the end of KS2, and then start secondary with children her age.

Both of my parents were moved up a year in primary and then back down - my Dad because he was too young to sit the 11+ (his birthday is 4th September) and my Mum because of bullying from the older girls. I wasn't allowed to go up a year, so primary school was okay due to really good teachers (and phases of mixed classes, e.g. being a yr1 in a mixed yr1/yr2 class), yr7-yr9 was hell and deeply boring, and then I finally moved to selective school at 14. I was always really insecure with my peers and I had school friends who were up to four years older than me (music etc.) but very few my own age. I wasn't allowed to sit any exams early, but I did extra subjects and had a thriving extra-curricular life.

I would suggest you wait and see what happens as dd gets older and how she fits in with the children she's with.

Hello OP

We took our dd out of school to H.ed for not dissimilar reasons as well as time factor.
It is really good as it allows dd and ourselves to concentrate on what she wants and needs to do.
It is lovely to see them forging ahead in their specialised subject (s), working at their own pace.
I know its not for everybody but we haven't looked back and dd is thriving atm.