DD seems to be giving up, rather than rising to the challenge - what to do?

[Earlybird]

After literally years of complaining that Maths class was 'too easy' (and yes, she supplemented by joining maths clubs / doing competitions, etc), dd's school decided to move dd and 3 of her peers up a year in maths (school seems to have little ability to differentiate in classroom, so their solution is to move students ahead).

Dd was very excited that she had been chosen to do this, and decided she wanted to do it. HOWEVER, 10 days into the new school year (we are not in the UK), she is feeling quite anxious about math. She wonders if she 'isn't clever enough' , seems to constantly be comparing herself to the 3 other students who were also moved up ('are they finding this challenging? did they get the right answer? did they finish before me?' etc). This morning she informed me that she has chosen not to do the optional 'problem of the week' because she 'wants to settle in to the new class'....whatever that means.

I suspect she is having a mini freakout because she is finally challenged and she is afraid to fail. She has made a few comments about how she feels the other 3 advanced students think she isn't as smart as they are, etc. Is this the typical G&T 'if I think I can't do it, I'd rather not try" syndrome - and if so, how do I encourage her to just get on with it? Or is it possible that this advanced class is really too much for her?

I want to support her (even if that means quitting the class, and going back to being in her year for maths), but also feel frustrated by her anxiety and (if I'm honest) general wimpy attitude. I had imagined she'd relish a challenge and would feel thrilled by the chance to rise to the occasion and really use her brain.

But she simply seems paralysed and moan-y. She is 13, btw. And if it matters, other 3 kids in advanced maths are offspring of very pushy parents , so they can be quite competitive and vocal about their 'victories'.

Off out now for a while, so will respond to any comments in a few hours. And TIA.

So she's skipped a whole year of curriculum? That's really tough. I did something similar at one point, but I got some extra tutoring from one of the teachers first. Even so it was a bit of a shock going from where I was getting 100% in everything to getting in the 70%s. I didn't realise till the end of the year exams I was actually still one of the best in my new class.

I think you need to explain to her that it's no question of not being clever enough, but maths builds on what you know and she's jumped to a place where she doesn't have all the building blocks the other children do. She's 13, I don't think you can tell her what to do, but you could talk her through some of the options - she could ask to go back to her own year; or get some workbooks for the missing year's work to boost her up a bit; or just sit in the class and do what she can and make sure she asks someone for help where there are things she doesn't understand. I'd also have a word about the silly competitiveness and point out it doesn't matter what the others are doing, what's best for her?

You could try and encourage a general interest about the history of maths and what an amazingly cool subject it is. I found this book fascinating (even though a lot of the actual maths throws me).

www.amazon.co.uk/Mathematics-Birth-Numbers-Jan-Gullberg/dp/039304002X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408640624&sr=1-1&keywords=mathematics+from+the+birth+of+numbers

A good quote for her:

"Unfortunately very few people have this kind of appreciation of the true nature of mathematics. The most common fallacy, even among otherwise well-informed people, is, as we have said, to confuse mathematics with elementary arithmetic, and thus to suppose that progress in mathematics consists of performing ever more complicated calculations with speed, dexterity and accuracy."(xx)

Thanks for your thoughtful post.

To clarify:

DD is in the advanced class for her current year, and is also taking the advanced class for the year above (the 3 other competitive girls are doing the same).

When this plan was proposed by the school, they explained that

• they thought the 4 girls were capable of doing both math classes at once (one is algebra, one is geometry)
• the teachers are prepared to do a bit of extra teaching to catch the girls up on what they'll need to do the work in the older class
• the administration felt all 4 girls should move ahead together, or none at all because they could work together and support each other (as described, in the early days of the school year this has somehow morphed into competitive know-it-all-ness, and not mutual support).

I want to encourage dd to really let herself go, and dive in to this challenge. But how do I know it if really is too much for her? I want to push her a bit, and expect she will benefit from being a bit uncomfortable. But what if that discomfort leads to misery?

Fwiw, she seems to be doing fine so far. She told me one story of being paired with an student (in the older class) to work on a problem. Dd got the answer right, and the other older child did not. So least in that one instance, she doesn't seem over her head....

Ah that's good they're not just skipping her. My point about mathematical building blocks still holds though, it's bound to be tricky until she's caught up a bit. As well as the actual content, and geometry will likely use algebra, she's missing a whole year's practice of how to write mathematics.

It seems unlikely it's too hard per se. After all, if she was doing the same course next year she'd probably have been finding it just as easy as she always has.

It sounds like actually she's doing fine, it's more managing her expectations that she can't just breeze through it as she's used to. Does she just need some reassurance that she is still doing well? Maybe focus on that, and knocking the silly competition on the head.

I think you are absolutely correct - she is doing fine thus far. She simply becomes a bit anxious and panicky when something unfamiliar comes along - something that she isn't be expected to know at this point!

But if one or more of the competitive girls somehow knows how to do something dd doesn't, they make sure everyone knows it ('oh, I thought that was easy - are you having trouble with it?' kind of thing, which sends her into a tailspin of self-doubt.)

Now, i will say dd has a tendency toward over-sensitivity...which has to be managed in addition to her expectations.

But how do I get her to 'take on' the extra challenges - like the bonus 'problem of the week'? Simply opting out without trying seems the wrong way to go. And, I guarantee the others will be doing it....

something she isn't expected to know

I wouldn't push her to do stuff she doesn't want to do at the moment. When her confidence returns I'm sure she'll start wanting to again. It may just take a few more weeks for her to get used to it all.

For what it's worth, just knowing everything is rubbish preparation for university learning. Recognising when you have a knowledge gap and asking for help to fill it is a really useful skill to learn.

FWIW I suspect that in three or four months time, you DD will have begun to coast in this new, more challenging class.

This is just a period of adjustment while she adjusts to being in a class with children who have been taught things your DD has not. First she will slight;ly panic and possibly feel inadequate, then they will start a new topic and she'll realise that she's well able to do it. Then her confidence will begin to return and she'll have begun to work at a higher level.

Then the new class will become easy for her too!

(Its what has happened to both my DC and its not without pain and anxiety.)

It sounds to me like an adjustment issue. A lot of bright kids go through this when they move from non streamed to streamed ie suddenly they are challenged rather than coasting.

I'd give it a couple of months and see how she goes. Hopefully she'll settle in and focus on the learning rather than comparing her results to others'.

Sorry to be slow in responding to your supportive and encouraging posts.

Atm, dd seems to be settling in. The other day, she emailed the teacher about something she found confusing. The teacher responded with a helpful nudge in the right direction, and told her to work with one of the other girls - who, surprise surprise, had also contacted the teacher for help on the same concept. It reassured dd tremendously to know she is not the only only 'struggling'.

Fwiw, they got their first test back yesterday, and dd made a perfect score. Of course she was very pleased, and after congratulating her, I told her it might not always be that way so not to be alarmed if she has a few hiccups along the way.

I think the thing that has thrown dd the most is the bravado exhibited by the other 3 girls. As described in my OP, they are high achieving girls (with very competitive parents), so when they seemed to be sailing through the work easily, it caused dd to feel anxious and wonder if she was 'smart enough' to keep up.