Starting school - advice please

[MyAngels]

Hi
DS is 4.5 and starts school in September. I appreciate he hasn't been officially titled G&T, but I know that he must have "high learning potential" (is that the better phrase?) and I thought posting here would put me in less danger of "bragging", than posting elsewhere..

If you had a gifted child (and you suspected they were, when going into Reception), how did you manage that with the teachers? Did you tell them your suspicions, and risk getting the "I'm a professional, its my job to educate/socialise him, I'll take it from here, thank you.." response (we got this from his preschool teacher), or keep quiet, wait till they notice and come to you?

My DS's abilities seem to have gone ballistic in the last few months, starting to read (on his own), adding up (begs me to do adding with him - can now do number bonds to 10 easily, to 20 with a bit more effort), learnt to tell the time this week - yesterday I found him searching on iplayer for his beloved Dolly Parton (we went to Glastonbury!) by typing "dolie" in the search line with no help from me....

I'm trying not to do too much with him for fear of looking like a pushy parent, but will, of course, answer him and show him if he asks me something.

We have had trouble at preschool with him - not doing as told, defying teacher, not sitting on carpet etc. His new reception teachers (job share) are aware of these aspects (which of course need attention), but I'm just not sure how best to approach them about his more intellectual abilities. We have a 30 minute meeting with the teachers arranged for the Friday before he starts in September, by the way.

Any advice very welcome, thanks.

Well not long ago you were presuming it was 0.5% of those tested. You know that's a different thing?

Well, you don't have to believe me about the academic side taking care of itself, I figured it wasn't what you wanted to hear anyway.

But 15 years on from the point you're at, I can report that time spent worrying about the level of academic input my dc were getting was not time well spent (and they gave been through some fairly tough schools, and have definitely not always been receiving appropriate input). It is the time spent getting the social and emotional side right that has made the difference.

If I had my time again I would spend less energy worrying about inadequate teaching and homework (and we had our fair share of that) and more time doing fun stuff, play dates, sport and music.

Just giving you the view from the other side. :)

I appreciate your perspective, but I'm 35 years the 'other side'. I think I'd be a lot more rounded as an adult if I'd not spent 12 years at school being told I was doing really well despite putting in no effort whatsoever.

Of course the social side is important - but from my own experience at school it's not more important than learning how to learn, how to stick at things and how to respond to a challenge - all skills which, if I am honest I am sadly lacking although I am trying belatedly to address this.

It seems it's ok to say that the academic side will 'take care of itself' but not to say that the social side will.

You know that's a different thing?

I'm imagining a when you posted this.

As I've said Frogs, I don't disagree with you but it's also possible to do both. In our case the academic side of things seems to be essential to DD; when she was not being challenged at school, she turned into a petulant, door slamming teenager. As soon as school put in some extension work, that disappeared.

More than that, the social and the 'academic' can sometimes be rather inextricably intertwined. A social life is much easier when you are with people who are like you. I moved schools a lot during secondary (long story) and the only school where I found it very straightforward and immediately had lots of friends was a grammar school. But I was only there two terms And the experience of going from a comprehensive school - where I was some kind of weird freak - to a university where there were lots of people like me was like coming into the light. Suddenly I was sociable, popular, outgoing. It was extraordinary.

So it's possible - I don't know, she's obviously a different person to me and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - that a selective school might actually be the best social choice for DD as well as the academic one.

Tender - I'm not disagreeing with you, I don't think.

Obviously there's not a case to be made for dumping a high-achieving child in some kind of remedial class with lacklustre teachers, and assuming they will magically find their level regardless of what's going on around them.

The point I was making is that if, as in the OP's case, you have a child who finds academic work easy, whether they are slightly above average or a true outlier on the scale, it is tempting to focus on their obvious strengths and attribute all problems that arise to a failure of teachers or schools to meet their academic needs. And that there are very deep pitfalls in that approach, which may not be obvious to someone who is starting out down the path.

That's all. And I think the 'come back in twelve years' comment, although it may have sounded flippant (and it wasn't me who originally wrote it anyway) is that I would bet very good money that when the OP (or others who have posted with similar concerns) look back in twelve years time, the issues that are currently preoccupying them will not be the ones that they will identify in hindsight as having been the important ones.

I agree, but that's often true of life in general. Had I had foresight twelve years ago, I would have been less interested in my career and more interested in having children (I am lucky enough to have had one, but could have done without the four miscarriages and general grief).

And, like cheebame,I look back on my own education and wish people had paid less attention to the outcomes, and more attention to teaching me to work hard and not just coast through.

We pulled DD at the point where we got a piece of work through which she had hardly begun (choosing instead to write her name eight different ways and draw a variety of characters on the back), and which was something she had been able to do in Reception. But no one had pointed out that perhaps she should do better (never mind that she could have done something more interesting); in fact, no one had even bothered to mark it. That's when lack of challenge can't just be worked round with outside classes. And yes, I know, that was not a good school, but the experience isn't uncommon.