The funny side of having a very young child who reads

[Finnbheara]

I have put this in G&T but its not supposed to be a stealth boast.

DS2 is 4 and is a confident reader - he never asks for help but does sometimes get it quite hilariously wrong. But being confident he is often prepared to argue that he has read it correctly and the rest of the world is wrong.

He will read road signs very literally - and then get very upset if we are not following the instructions e.g
DS- "Mummy it says 'slow down', you must slow down!"
Me - "Yes DS it does say slow down but that is aimed to remind those who are speeding, I am not speeding"
DS - "Slow down NOW!"

DS "Mummy stop drinking, it says 'do not drink and drive'
Me "sigh" as I put down my water bottle

The other day he was struggling over a name plate so I helped him - "DS it says John"
DS "no it doesn't there is a H in it"
Me "yes its a silent H"
DS "Oh, well how many other words have a silent H?"
Me "sigh"

These sorts of mix ups can't only happen to us

I had early readers and it was quite funny. DD2 is tiny, and when she was 4 (looking like a 3 year old) she read a poster saying "Stop the flu before it stops you" in the pharmacy, and people started asking a lot of questions. DD1 did the exact same thing with the road signs, and drove us round the bend being the annoying preschool backseat driver!

The plus side is that I have never had to read one of the sodding fairy books out loud. By the time they were old enough to want to read them (in Reception) they could manage it themselves. I did read a few to myself to see what they were like, ie repetitive guff.

not really reading but we were walking to nursery the other day (we usually go by car so its a slightly different way walking as you can cut though). DS didn't want to go through an entrance as there was a no entry sign!

We have a lot of 'arguments' about not going out the entrance or in the exit iyswim

when DS was about 2.5yo we were in a well known supermarket when he said in a very loud voice "T.E.S.C.O that spells 'shops' doesn't it Mummy" oops!

ATM he is very keen on putting inflection into his reading so if it is in capitals it has to be SHOUTED VERY LOUDLY if we are in public or not.

My dd did the road sign reading too. The worst though was when she was 3 and read her older sisters book on how babies were made without me realising. She had a lovely chat with the next pregnant woman she saw about how exactly the baby had got in there

we have had interesting experiences involving signs and posters up at hospitals or doctors surgeries, headlines on papers and so on.

When ds1 was 5 we sat in a traffic jam behind a van. With 2 other DC in the car as well DS suddenly announces "mummy, what does erection mean?" I paused for a moment wondering quite how to explain it to a 5 year old, when fortunately I looked closer at the van in front to realise that it was a scaffolding company which had used the word to describe what they did, which he had read . I could have had a very confused little boy there .

I had to explain about egg donation to my just four year old. I've never looked at those IVF ads on the tube in quite the same way since. Possibly, the rest of the carriage hasn't, either.

Flirty text messages go out the window on your iPhone

We have a back seat driver who spend some of her birthday money on the Highway Code. We don't get away with many driving misdemeanors.

I had an awkward moment last week when DS read the 'Emergency Contraception' sign on the window of our local Boots, quite loudly too.

cheebame this made me laugh! My DS keeps an eye on the speedometer, I hope he doesn't find our copy of the highway code!

'free condoms! Free condoms! Look mummy!'

At nursery there was a poster 'every day's a learning day' and he told his key worker he hadn't learned anything there that day. He also complained that the snack menu said 'hot toast' and his wasn't.

At 3 he started reading the gory headlines on his granny's take a break... 'My RAPE HELL! I know what that is! Katy from I can cook went to see rape seed oil being made today!'

When DS was 5, we were driving round a roundabout which had been taken over by pro-life demonstrators. Their huge sign read "Abortion is murder".

How exactly do you explain abortion to someone who was an embryo himself only a few years earlier?!

DS 5yo still has a copy of the sticker book from the football world cup; every morning at about 6.30 he wakes up, leans over picks up this book and starts to shout out the names of the country's and the players in the teams (in English and he tries to read it in the countries language also) so we are woken to "GERMANY! Deutschland!" and then a long list of players. Even I can almost name one or two world cup players now

Its starting to be not so funny...

I was a very early reader. I felt the need to read out everything that I saw, so went round shouting LADIES, TOILET and EMERGENCY a lot which confused my DM no end, not long after potty training...

DS is nearly 2 and obsessed with Tea - plays endless games of tea parties, gets excited when we pass a cafe, so far all just toddler stuff

A couple of weeks ago we went in the gate of a local stately home and on the sign was a list of the things you could do there - including the words (not symbol for) Tea Rooms. He got excited shouting Tea Tea!

He can also recognise the signs on Public Toilet doors (and use them accordingly)

Are your tales all a sign of things to come for me or am I just being immensely PFB about my little darling? :o

Haha these remind me of DS1, who would loudly point out spelling/ grammatical errors on signs in the Sure Start centre, doctor's surgery etc. Very funny, but also embarrassing at times.

When DD was 5 she was diagnosed with asthma - it took a few weeks from the initial appointment to final diagnosis, so we were at the GP fairly frequently during that time. DS was 2 at the time and a bit of a handful, so DD would often sit quietly and read the magazines/leaflets whilst I walked round after DS. Anyway, getting back to the point...

At the final appointment the GP explained to DD she had asthma, what her treatment would be and asked her if she had any questions. As quick as a flash DD said, "Yes! What is a cervical smear? Because you have a leaflet out there telling women they must have one!"

Mainly embarrassing rather than funny. DS goes to a private school that has a sign that says it is so. When young he would always say he went to "XXXX private school".

No sneaking in my own snacks to the cinema as DS was a stickler for the Roolz on the signs and the thought of them doing a Bag Check on me and finding a screw top beaker and contraband Haribo would have him refusing to go in unless he'd checked my bag.

Graffiti was a bit of a minefield, I recall.

Ohhh dear the dreaded Roolz! Who has not come against them...

Just remembered ds obsession with subtitles. No one could watch TV with out a request for subtitles-this has amused lots of friends from when ds was 3 (maybe earlier-I thought all children wanted subtitles ).

Thank goodness DS has not discovered subtitles, he would be in heaven

According to family lore when I was about 4 we were in a non-smoking train carriage when a man got in and lit up. I piped up 'Look mummy, that man can't read because that sign says no smoking and he is smoking!' Cue amused looks from other passengers and a smoke free remaining trip!

I remember Ds, 4 ordering off the kiddies menu on holiday abroad. In a fit of independence, he grabbed the menu and started reading. Suddenly, he went quiet, and looked as if he was about to cry. He said he did n't want a 'hot-dog'!

Which reminds me of my not-so-gifted Dh's comment when I ordered 'Pelican wings', whilst staying in Florida..' Urgh, you're not are you'? Course, they were chicken wings - we were at the Pelican Inn, or similar!