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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

2 1/2 year old, exceptionally bright. Not showing this at nursery.

119 replies

wedontplaywithelectrics · 23/01/2014 10:19

That's it really. He's a very sociable, confident boy who never stops talking at home. Apparently he hardly speaks at nursery. Is this an indicator of how things will be in years to come? I feel he's slipping into the sidelines/afraid to be his true self.
It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)
I just want him to be his true self which is witty, extrovert, creative and full of life.
He seems happy to go to nursery.
Any tips on why there seems to be such disparity here?

OP posts:

Ziggyzoom · 23/01/2014 14:36

The first part of your OP describes your son as "exceptionally bright". If you refuse to answer questions about the process by which he was determined to be so, then those who know more about these processes than you cannot determine whether this is likely to be an accurate assessment or not.

With this part of the query not open for discussion, then we simply have an issue of a 2.5 year old hesitantly settling into nursery. I can assure you OP - this is entirely unexceptional.

Lancelottie · 23/01/2014 14:37

Curious about why you think parents would have alarm bells ringing or be forming a pack?

Incidental, if your son was truly 'dumbing down' to match his peers' pattern of behaviour and speech, that sort of mirroring would show some social and emotional intelligence of a pretty high order for 2 and certainly wouldn't be something to worry about (though it's probable he's just a bit shy).

Bitzer · 23/01/2014 14:39

wedont I honestly wouldn't worry. Really. I don't know if DS is your first child, perhaps he isn't but I know I worried about all sorts of stuff about my eldest when she was 2-3 starting in nursery and not doing any of the stuff she did at home – and looking back I feel a bit daft for obsessing about it all. If he turns out to be gifted and talented (and I do honestly believe it's too early to say at this stage - you would not belieeeve how many people think this about their toddlers) then it will come out in time and be recognised in all the appropriate places. Best of luck to you both.

PlumpPartridge · 23/01/2014 14:40

TBF, my inner alarm goes off when I think I've spotted someone being overly braggy about their child. I mean, it's just not the done thing is it?

Original poster

wedontplaywithelectrics · 23/01/2014 14:40

"If you refuse to answer questions about the process by which he was determined to be so, then those who know more about these processes than you cannot determine whether this is likely to be an accurate assessment or not."

Haha

You lot really do crack me up

How very presumptuous of you to think you know more about these processes.

Who is deluded now?

OP posts:

Pumpkin567 · 23/01/2014 14:45

Oh dear...

I sent one of mine to pre school for a bit a peace and quiet.
They said " oh she's so quiet, barely says a word, likes walking round watching everything."

This was a child that spoke fluently at 18 m, three word sentances at ten months..a real talker.

Three months later she was ordering the children around, changing the plan for the day. They changed their assesment of her! Hehe

The early years are the easiest for a gifted child ( you can try to run the nursery )they can be stretched so easily. If he's gifted he'll just take himself off and Learn to read or something. stop trying to push him.

Not sure I believe your assesment tbh. Who tested your child?

Worriedthistimearound · 23/01/2014 14:45

My ds2 would probably have been considered G&T at that age. He was labelled that in reception. He's now 8yrs and whilst still very very bright! I wouldn't say he was gifted.

At 2.5 he could read and count to 100. Write his name and use wooden letters to spell out mummy daddy and dc1's name. He had finished the roald Dahl collection by end of reception. He is very able but not gifted and at 2.5/3 at nursery all he did was run around, climb, play cars and get messy. At that age nobody else was going anything academic or formal so neither did he. They had no idea he could do what he did at home whilst trying to be his big brother. He is/was not shy but if he had been I imagine he would have acted like a shy 2.5yr old and barely spoken like your ds seems to be doing.

Oh and I would never dream of comparing ds's high ability with a disability such as asd. How disingenuous of me to suggest that he would be facing a lifetime of struggles in the way a child on the spectrum does.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 23/01/2014 14:46

Mine was assessed the same at around 2 years old (some study of his age group through the hv and gp surgery) although they didnt use the word gifted. More that he was more able then other 2 yo.

Hes 19 now and although he was in all the top sets at school he certainly wasnt g&t.

Ds2 at 10 is g&t. His teacher says he tends to take a back seat when it comes to answering questions in class etc or dubing down as you so nicely put it at almost 3 thoigh he was hardly talking at all!

Honestly hes 2, probably a little shy and certainly not deciding to take a back seat to fit in with the other children. Just let him get on with it. 2 is very young to be thinking about g&t, unless he is reading Shakespeare or playing Mozart

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/01/2014 14:47

No one is saying they know more than you.

People are wondering how you have come to the realization that your 2 year old is gifted. That is all.

If you choose not to share that, that is your decision.
It does mean, however, that people will comment without knowing the full facts.
I am commenting based on my own experience. Which was that at 3/4 my dd was considered, by her pre school to be exceptionally bright. And as time went on, she was still the top half of the class, top set at secondary school and predicted As in her GCSEs this year. But not out of the ordinary. Not gifted or exceptional, just fairly bright and hard working.
Ds1 was identified as the top 10% of his year in all subjects in year 4. He again is not exceptional, clearly as 10% of his year are in the same position. The difference is he can achieve As at the moment without studying whereas dd has to work harder. So in effect he is g&t whatever that means. He was not g&t at 2, he didnt talk properly until 2.7.

Original poster

wedontplaywithelectrics · 23/01/2014 14:48

For the very last time. THIS IS A FRIGGIN GIFTED AND TALENTED FORUM.
What else are we here to discuss????????
I've had some good advice here from a number of posters. Thank you for those genuine responses.

And as for the rest of you getting your knickers in a twist about my OP.
Meh, you know what.... not going to waste any more time on you.

Happy Thursday!
x

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 23/01/2014 14:50

So, we are to take it that you are the author of the childhood development study in question, and indeed a renowned expert on it? Then wotcha doin' asking 'us lot' for clarification about your toddler's behaviour?

Is he randomly rude to other toddlers for not knowing all about his inner life, by the way? Does he refer to them as 'you lot' and think they are all dumb, deluded and presumptuous?

(I'm guessing not, by the way, but you really are being quite rude and silly. I assume this is because you've been quite worried about him, but it sounds like he's just fine.)

snowmummy · 23/01/2014 14:51

He's 2 and you think he's dumbing down to fit in?? Sorry couldn't take your post seriously after that.

sydlexic · 23/01/2014 14:51

I had the same problem with my DS, he doesn't stop talking to take a breath at home. He didn't talk to any of his peers. He would speak to adults though. He thought the other children were babies, not like him.

I suspected my DS was gifted when at 7 months he would sort his bricks into different colours, at a year he would write the names of all the Thomas trains in plastic letters.

Sorry you have had such unsupportive replies don't know why it is such a problem for people.

Quinteszilla · 23/01/2014 14:52

"To read of a mother writing about their g&t 2 year old may well send alarm bells ringing. "

People chill, she is a Troll. There, I said it.

Not because it is impossible for a 2 year old to be exceptionally bright, but because it is impossible for an exceptionally bright 2 year old to have a mum with so little comprehension. But what she lacks in comprehension she makes up for in superiority.

But what do I know, I am a woman of little brain.

kelda · 23/01/2014 14:52

For his age, he sounds very normal. It is very common for a child to speak loads at home (and for the parents to consider their child 'witty') and to be very quiet and shy at nursery. At nursery he will be amoung many other children, some bigger then him, some louder, and some may even be cleverer then he is. It is normal that he is quiet while his two year old brain is getting used to all these new people and is learning how to react to and with them. I wouldn't think he is 'dumbing down' to fit in.

I know many adults who are quiet at work and are very talkative at home.

As long as you think he is happy at nursery, and the people who work there think there is no reason for concern, then I wouldn't worry too much.

Lancelottie · 23/01/2014 14:52

Wow. Great cross post.

Yes, if the G&T bit is what you wanted to discuss, why not discuss the G&T bit... which might include the tests? Where's the great problem in mentioning what they were?

Bitzer · 23/01/2014 14:53

wedont I think that's exactly what everyone is discussing. They're just challenging whether it's possible (or helpful) to define a 2-year-old as G&T…

Juno77 · 23/01/2014 14:53

somewhat touché

OP - I think the issue is that your child might not be G&T. He is 2. You can't tell yet.

That's why some people think you are being silly.

ouryve · 23/01/2014 14:56

Children who are exceptionally bright don't necessarily have the social skills to go along with it.

I'm not going to question whether your DD is exceptionally bright or not. It's clear she's shy, though. It's also clear that with every single post you write, eg "lighten up" or "not going to waste any time on you" (and lots more digs besides) you are losing the sympathy of other posters. You're not bringing humour to the thread. You are coming across as quite rude and arrogant, in fact, whether that is your intention or not. If this is a demonstration of your own social skills, then it's probably a good thing that your DD is in a nursery environment where she can learn some of her own from better role models.

mistlethrush · 23/01/2014 14:56

The 'exceptionally bright' child that I knew was looking at books on the anatomy of invertebrates and reptiles before he could walk - and could run latin names off by the time he was 2. That is 'exceptionally bright'.

Talking a lot doesn't mean they're exceptionally bright either. My aunt didn't talk at all until she was 4, then started talking in complete sentences. She went on to be a consultant in two completely unrelated areas of medicine.

MirandaWest · 23/01/2014 14:57

I could post in the gardening topic. It does not mean I suddenly have green fingers. And posting in the G&T topic does not mean your child is G&T. It also doesn't mean they're not of course.

RonaldMcDonald · 23/01/2014 14:58

Do people really believe that their kids can be accurately assessed as g&t as toddlers?

There will be a difficult adjustments ahead in that household.

ouryve · 23/01/2014 14:59

And apologies - I've just given your little boy an unwitting sex change

annieorangutan · 23/01/2014 15:01

Dd1 was very social and confident at nursery at that age, and still is now. She will talk the hindlegs off a donkey whoever you are. I dont think she is thar academic on paper its just because she started nursery as a baby, and your ds has started a lot older and hasnt been there long.

heather1 · 23/01/2014 15:02

When Ds was about 2,5 he was talking a lot at home. I assumed the same a nursery. So I thought I'd ask the just to check. He wasn't saying a word other than yes and no. So I said 'Ds why aren't you talking at nursery? All the helpers really like you' and he said 'mummy they don't know me' so we talked about it and I told him they really liked him and they did know him. After that he started to talk at nursery as much as at home. So maybe ask him why he isn't talking and see what he says.

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