Does anyone else find it challenging parenting a very bright child?

[dalziel1]

I know many threads come across as boastful or descend into challenges that your child isn't really as clever as you would like to think. However, I was wondering if anyone would be up for a support thread for those of us parenting a child who is exceptionally able?

DS1 (age 11) is very clever. If i am honest, when he was younger, it was a source of pride and pleasure to watch him quickly grasp new ideas and be able to discuss things that should be way beyond his years. However, while its still nice sometimes, there have recently been things that I feel inadequate to help him with: difficulty establishing friendships, his thirst for knowledge (which costs a fortune in books and has more or less stripped my general knowledge bare), tactfully telling his teachers that he could do with more challenging work and the worst of all is watching him beat himself up because he isn't good at sports, art or music.

Please come and tell me that i am not alone! I know many parents have much more difficult things to cope with but I feel that i can't speak about my worries (or pleasures) DS with anyone (except my mum), because of the risk of being misunderstood.

Yes to all the above, I have two age 11 and 13. An example of difficulty is a recent hospitalisation of myself led to younger jumping to conclusion I had died at one point (nearl came true tbh). Nothing much gets past them and they have more energy than me. Telling anything to the teachers, tactfully or not, is a big challenge and usually fails but I keep trying. Perfectionism is a tough one we have had some success with, precisely by sticking with a less falling off the log level activity (music in our case). They MUST learn the rewards if effort or they come unstuck at some point-younger the better. Social life is another difficult minefield.

Potential plus seems to focus on primary age and Mensa has a much older demographic. What about parents of gifted Tweens and teens? It a rough and tumble world for them.

You need to exploit the library resources, free museums internet etc to save money. There are other forums but you usually end up chatting to yourself or waiting weeks for a single reply. On the other hand, this non-exclusive forum can attract lots of nay-Sayers and pooh-poohers. Shall we just ignore them when they arrive?

Yes. Dd is 10 and bright. Ds is 7 and very bright. He wants to give up playing the musical instrument he has lessons for, 'because it's too hard.' That's the point, ds! I worry he'll grow up expecting everything to be easy.

That sounds weird, I know, but in a discussion about the perils of raising very clever children, I hope not too weird.

At what age did you all notice how bright your children are? My eldest is only 2 but I've spent a lot of time around toddlers so have a fair idea of what is 'normal'. DS1 is currently obsessed with musical instruments - he can correctly id

Sorry!

As I was saying... He can correctly identify most of the standard orchestral instruments, although his pronunciation leaves something to be desired! He proudly announced that he was "boning" his "chay-low" the other day! It's only been 2 weeks since he happened to see an orchestra on tv & started asking what the instruments were.

He's also got an amazingly good memory. He regularly talks about things that happened several months ago & it'll take me a while to realise what he's talking about. Usually by the time I catch on he's getting frustrated that I don't remember the time we saw a balloon in a shop 6 months ago! The only other child I've come across that could remember so much at such a young age has since been diagnosed with Aspergers & still remembers when she stayed with us 5 years ago. She's 10 now!

DH's family are all highly intelligent so it wouldn't surprise me if our DC were bright too. It terrifies me though. I want to homeschool but I have no idea what I'd do with a child who's so much brighter than me!

If you don't mind, I'd like to lurk & see what I can learn from you all just in case I do need to know how to best support a very clever child!

Don't worry about dealing with a child who is brighter than you, you still know a lot more about how the world works and they will suck you dry in their thirst for knowledge. Then you can take them to the library and museums, listen to radio 4 programs watch documentaries together and generally pursue shared interests. Are all the adults you know the same IQ as you? no. Can you interact usefully? Of course.

Agnu look into Suzuki method. My daughter plays cello and it is a joy.

DS1 was a crawling baby when he first did something that freaked me out. My mum was there too and she still mentions it sometimes. But then (almost) every parent sees perfections in their babies that aren't really there, so I forgot about it. He kept doing things that were remarkable but its only when I look back at old videos that I realise how strange it is to see a young child doing these things. I think I only realised how clever he was when he learned to read in a few weeks.

Teachers do a lot to disabuse you of any thoughts that your child may be exceptional though. DS had a couple who seemed to think they knew him better than I do when the time they had spent with him (along with 29 others) could still be measured in hours! Eventually, however, the schools did seem to gradually accept that he is exceptionally able.

You are right Au79, potential plus does seem to be about primary school children and mensa is for grown ups.

Also I agree about memory. It can be very useful sometimes although even that has caused tension sometimes. DH (being a man!) likes to think he knows more than his children, but there have been several times recently when he has confidently asserted a fact and DS has (very untactfully) corrected him. Then DH doesn't seem to realise that the odds are stacked against him so he insists on looking it up, only for DS to be right about 99.9% of the time.

My current problem relates to sleeping. DS can't get to sleep at night unless he has something to mull over in his head. When we leave him to it, his mind races from one thing to the next and its midnight before he finally falls asleep. So, we have to give him something to consider. e.g. the impact on the experience of the average person when the canal system was developed. (I need one like this per night and that's why I say that my general knowledge has been stripped bare). TBH I am exhausted!

Goodness, Dalziel, ds is nothing like at that level. I think he's just significantly brighter than average, My mum kept commenting on his intelligence when he was three. Must admit, I just thought he was a bit odd. Fast forward too school, though, and he appeared to grasp concepts very quickly, was (and is) very focused - like he can zone out everything and everyone else and just focus on the learning. Looking back, he did that even as a newborn, following his sister with his eyes and watching her intently. I know it was different to how other babies acted because people commented on it. He is deeply interested in whatever topic catches his attention - not the deep stuff of life, but any topic that can be analysed and has reams of facts associated with it. Currently it is football.

Dd spoke her first word at 10 months and never really looked back. That's not enough to make her super bright, but it was clear she wasn't going to be held back. At 10 she's now very good at reading, literacy, maths and science. She struggles with organisation though. I worry secondary school will hit her hard, but I'm working on it. She's kind of academically very able and away with her thoughts, but practically she's not much good at all. Ds, on the other hand, applies the same skills to all areas of life.

Hi my yr7 dd is very bright academically and my yr8 ds is very talented at sports both have their own problems ds never sits still for long when he was little I never got to sit down except when he slept. Dd said her first word at 8 months (sorry not trying to beat anyone else) and she hasn't shut up since she has an answer for everything she's very quick witted and has to have the last word (so does dh arguments go on forever in my house!!) don't think a lot of people realise the problems involved in having bright kids. GeorgianMumto5 don't worry about your dd she'll be fine at secondary school my dd has v few skills outside of academic stuff but she's doing fine.

Thanks Natellie.

oh yes.

I don't know the answers to 99% of their questions, I don't know WHY most of these things happen (and I have a degree and am not stupid), I can't explain why the earth is exactly as it is, why it didn't form more like mars.

tantrums are horrific and much harder to deal with I think with a bright child because they see through all the tactics, they can present very logical arguments for why their way might be better and so on.

I need sleep even if they don't.

I can't listen to voices rabbiting on about anything and everything CONSTANTLY.

I don't know what they might try next...

My dd is a very demanding 2.8 year old. She is my only and I thought she was just inquisitive. I'm a primary teacher so don't want to push or label her at such a young age, putting her under pressure.
She has always been very determined. If she can't do something, she will keep trying for hours until she can do it.
She appears to be decoding, I'm hesitant to say reading, the sky TV guide. She can find her programmes and tell me if Peppa, Sofia the first or doc mcstuffin are on the schedule.
She remember tiny details from events and will mention them months later. Today she spoke about wanting a silver dress like our friend had at her wedding. The wedding was back in May and I haven't seen the friend in months.
Everyone has always commented on her being an old head on young shoulders.
You cannot pull the wool over her eyes for one second and you must be consistent with her otherwise she pulls you up on it.
The tantrums are epic and she is exhausting. I can't decide if she is just an average toddler or bright. I feel I should be able to make a professional judgement on that but I feel I'm biased.

My children are not exceptionally brought but for those of you dealing with children who are struggling with failure because it is so rate, you might be interested in reading about growth mindset theory and teaching children how to embrace thise moments of failure.

You are right, TheRaniOfYawn but teaching those sort of lessons are much easier said than done when you've got an intelligent child capable of constructing and delivering a clear (if flawed) argument that they are right to be self-critical of their own failures. (like nonicknameseemsavailable says).

When Ds gets down on himself, there is no moving him to even be a little balanced about it, never mind suggesting that he learns from the experience and learns to value effort over achievement.

On a related point all those rewards at school are hard to explain too. Neither of my children think it fair that teachers give endless praise to the children who normally misbehave but have one good week or who usually get 25% in a test but have worked hard and achieved 50% in the most recent test. They just sit there thinking that they are being taken for granted.

oh reward systems at school are HORRIFIC for us.