G&T about to start primary school

[chicaguapa]

DD is 4.5 and starting reception in Sept. Her nursery school (not attached to primary school) is fantastic to her and arranged a transition review meeting with new reception teacher and ed psych which lasted 3 hours. However little time was spent on DDs G&T status (she has equiv age of 8+) but more on her social development. As a result of which she has now also been placed on the SEN register as well as G&T. I was a bit unhappy about the way the meeting went as I didn't want her to be labelled twice before she's even started.

I also found the whole thing a bit upsetting as nursery painted a picture of a solitary figure at nursery and the ed psych said she might spend her whole school education looking for an equivalent of herself. But she's not like this at home and is perfectly happy (although she has issues with the girls on the street but I think that's just groups of girls for you!)

We have another meeting with the reception teacher (who is also the SENCO) in November once she's spent a couple of months with DD. The head is the G&Tco and he wants to see us in Sept.

Any advice? I do feel she's being over-analysed in all respects.

AS the parent of a ds who sounded exactly like your dd, I'd always impress the importance of social inclusion at this young age - it is far far more important that academic talents.
My son struggled a lot with friends as he was simply too much of a smarty pants, he could not play below his own level.
FWIw ds settled down at about age 8, was able to modify and change his behaviour in order to benefit socially.
Could your dd join some out of school clubs like dance or drama which would be age appropriate and enable her to make friends in a new environment, ds enjoyed drama hugely he was able to be accepted and join in.
HTH

I told the teacher that we'd like to concentrate the reception year on "rounding off" rather than progressing DD academically and the teacher admitted they wouldn't be able to do much progressing academically anyway! So I am keen to level her off and sort out the social inclusion bit.

I just find it all a bit too much - not only do we have the academic issues (the ed psych said her peers won't catch up later in primary school) but now there's the social issues to contend with as well and the realisation that she struggles and will continue to do so for quite a while. We just want the easiest life for them, don't we? And I admit that I cried when I got home about how hard it could be for DD. Like it's not hard enough for them when they start school!

Chica - I really feel for you and just want to send my love. DD is starting in reception in September too and it's tense enough without the real worries that you have. I wish you and her the best possible year of fun and friendship.

I was just like your dd as a child, chicagupa - they didn't address such things at school then, so I spent all of my school life both lonely and being bullied as I was obviously a misfit. If someone had addressed my needs when I started school, as they seem to be doing with your dd, I might have had a much happier time of it. My mother also felt that as I was OK at home there was nothing to worry about, but even now I have problems interacting with people and find it very hard to socialise.

Social inclusion is so important, and it's something that starts very young. In your shoes I would be pleased and relieved that the school had picked up on the potential problem, and had the means to address it.

chicaguapa, I'm inclined to agree that your daughter is being over-analysed. While I would agree that social skills are important, I don't think it's a significant cause for concern if a child prefers to play on her own at nursery and is happy doing so. Putting your daughter under pressure to make friends in order to be seen as "normal" could be counterproductive. If the nursery has actually identified something specific that she's doing that is putting others off playing with her and the school has a good idea as to how to address it, that's a different matter.

However, it sounds as if it is the nursery rather than the school that is trying to drive the situation. The fact the reception teacher/SENCO is happy to wait a few months to get to know your daughter for herself before seeing you again suggests she doesn't see the issue as a big worry.

wise and consoling words from everyone. thank you.

My DS was very focussed on numbers, words and writing whilst in pre school and would write copiously. He was quite a solitary figure, and was never really interested in playing with the conventional toys that his peers enjoyed which always worried me a little. I was thrilled that he seemed so academically able at such a young age but was worried that he seemed slightly different to his peers. When he started school at (just) 4 he was able to read fuently and was immediately singled out for additional work to challenge him.

Now just about to finish YR1 he has been nominated for the G&T register but more importantly for me he has this year finally began to fit in socially with his peers. He is no longer so fixated on his academic pursuits and has discovered the joys of cars, football, lego and the dreaded Playstation 2! He still adores the academic side of things at school but now going there to meet his friends and play with them has become every bit as important to him as the school work itself. Personally, I find it immensely reassuring that he seems to have become "just one of the crowd".

Whilst it is obviously wonderful for all parents to hear that their children are very academically able it is also good to know that they are growing into well-rounded people. Interacting well with peers and making friends is a key life skill for children to learn and in my view parents should strive to nurture this skill in their children every bit as much as they do academic achievement.

Just my own views for what they're worth

Is it not good that education have identified a difficulty which needs to be addressed? If there is a problem then is it not better sorted out earlier than later?
Or is it that it's good to be identified as G&T, but that the SEN comes with a slight stigma which is not as good? Honestly not having a go and apologise profusely if it sounds this way, but I just wondered, if they'd identified another, say second level of G&T for social & communicative skills, then would the questions of over analysing be the same? Just me musing.
Good luck for September