How to achieve potential?

[Hawkofthenight]

My DS is to start yr5 in Sept. I am concerned that he will fail to be a fully engaged learner in school. I was failed by the school system but suceeded due to my own aptitude to learning as I was an undiagnosed dyslexic until I was 21. DS is not disruptive but constantly distracted. If DS is engaged he is engrossed in his work. The teachers have stated that DS should aim for a scholarship or grammar school for the last 3 years. DS has been performing two or more years above his age, but they will not put him on the register because he is not self-motivated and enjoys playing outside, further they have other children who are not achieving across all areas, but are motivated, so deserve to be in the top 5%. I am not bother about labels but I am by the school's approach. DS should be able to fulfil his potential. They will not provide him any extention work so I do some extra with him. DS does day dream and really enjoys daydreaming at school, he loses and forget things constantly. DS does not make much effort at school and they do not expect anything from more. This May he is "L4A" and this apparently surprised the teacher, since whilst he has been ?bright?, due to his lack of engagement, level of distraction and failure to finish work he expected his performance to level fall to average. My issue is that the school has no aspiration, and my son sees coasting as an easy option and DS does not wish to be seen as the ?Geek?, a label he has been given by his peer. When DS is challenged he will rise to it and easily does yr7 work, but the school is not providing stimulation, and his maturity and emotional response has not yet matched his knowledge and intelligence. Any advice would be appreciated. Do I change schools? Do I tutor him and get him a scholarship?

It doesn't sound like they 'get' him.
If he is daydreaming all day maybe he is just bored, bored, bored.
This is how my time at primary school was and to my concern, more or less how my son's was. Once I got to high school and there was a bit of challenging work available I was fine and my son has been flying since he started Y7 last year.

What would be the options if you moved him to a different school?
What is the school like where he is likely to go to high school?

Surely the G&T register exists precisely for children like him, who's needs are not being met in the average school day. Not just for the good little teacher pleasers.

I reckon Brains-talent are only about 25% of becoming a high achiever ("realising potential").

Luck (education & employment opportunities, bigger society conditions),
parental support, lack of deprivation or other personal life stress &
ability to work hard, focus, be organised

are the other 75% (imho), equally distributed.
I don't know how or even if you can get a disorganised child to focus & get their act together. It's a rather common problem, so good luck! Plenty of folk would say it only comes with maturity. DS12 will only work hard with specific goals in mind (like DH). Whereas like me, DD10 tries hard at everything.

Playing outside is a very healthy thing to do. He sounds happy, don't mess that part up.

From the sound of it, you can't blame your ds's lack of application entirely on the school. It sounds like he needs to change his attitude to work and how he responds to peer pressure before he can start to 'fulfil his potential' (whatever that means).

What does DS say about school?
Why does he say he doesn't finish his work?
Daydreaming can be a coping mechanism to deal with not being adequately stimulated in the same way as a bright child might be bored and become naughty.
It is actually easy to blame the child when it is sometimes uninspiring teaching that is at fault. Ds was just like this until he had a new teacher for the last few months of yr 6. It turned him around. He really tried hard for the first time ever and it set him up for High School. We have had great reports this year, no reports of incomplete work or missing homework and his organisation has been much better too.
He is working because he knows what his targets are and knows what he is aiming for (maths or similar at a good Uni ultimately) and his excellent form tutor has made him understand where the other subjects which he is less keen on - English,Modern languages - fit in with these goals.
He is just a person who needs to do things for his own sake and to do this he has to understand why they are necessary to him. He has never been been motivated just by pleasing others.

You know your son best OP, so you need to decide whether he would be better at a different school.

Could you get a higher paid job and pay school fees (that is what I did as our children went to selective academic schools from age 5 and that worked really well).

viewofthehills 'Daydreaming can be a coping mechanism to deal with not being adequately stimulated in the same way as a bright child might be bored and become naughty.
It is actually easy to blame the child when it is sometimes uninspiring teaching that is at fault. '

It is actually easy to blame the teacher when it sometimes a lazy and phlegmatic child who is at fault.

Yes, absolutely flexy which is why I said only the OP can know.
We certainly can't on-line. But there are three possibilities:

1 It is wholly the child.
2 It is wholly the teacher or school
3 It is a combination of the two. (Which is far more likely imo)

Not every school suits every child.

Teacher good on social and emotional level, average academically. On balance that there are issues with the school's approach as he is not the only child in this position, and they have taken this stance due to resources. Others have moved their child early in to private education. Really can't afford this. Will have a word with his new teacher and deputy head teacher in the new term, re: aspiration and extra work to both stretch him and fill gaps.

DS has a role to play in doing his part and has been mature enough to have this conversation with me and others. DS says he will make a greater effort to complete work in general and particularly when it is easy and boring. I am willing to and will continue to support DS. Only wished DS had the school's support academically. DS does a range of sports, music, performing art and other activities (outside school) since being rounded is one of my aspirations for DS. There are a lot more positives in DS life and that is important to us both.

Potential? - hate the glass ceiling that is placed before DS at this early age Vs never achieving potential as not focus long enough. Former applies as DS is able to perform very well in tests despite not being organised and not completing class work. DS does work well when he sees the benefit and is v. competitive when he chooses. Overall the school performs well but might not be the 'right' fit for DS. Moving now might not be best for DS and he otherwise enjoys this school. Will use private tutoring to keep progression and fill gaps left by school.

Think it is essential that DS is in the right place for Yr7 onwards, and being bright, then hope it is not too late for DS to be switched on by the right teacher, in the right fit environment for him. Looking at Grammar or selective schools and possibly scholarships for the future.

Thanks for responding as it has allowed me to see this in perspective. He will be fine; there is more than one road in life.