Holding back V stimulation

[neverknowinglyunderdressed]

We are in Scotland where is is normal to hold back children born in Jan and Feb. I didn't hold my Feb born DTS back as they were I felt, in need of the stimulation school would provide and so I sent them aged 4.5 and youngest in the year. Four years on (they have high IQ's) they are top of their class academically, have an IEP for high learning ability, but in some ways socially quite immature and still very fidgety, although getting better every year. I took them for an independent school entrance exam to start this Aug repeating P4 (as I thought standards would be higher and there would be more differentiation) so they wouldn't be the youngest in the year, more advantageous for sport (DH very obsessed by the sport bit) etc.

The school said they would be bored in P4 again and as they don't do an intake in P5 we currently have them down to start P6 next year. DH is now adamant that they should repeat P6 and start the year after as he feels being the youngest is a disadvantage (he was youngest in English system). I'm not sure. Which do you think is the most important - being intellectually challenged or possibly being top of the class without too much effort but being less mature and less able to compete at sports?

Peer group wins out if they are already struggling socially, tbh.
I wouldn't be forking out for a school that can't extend students in year, though. Why would they be bored? Do they not differentiate appropriately?

That said, you could put their names for p6 next year and see how it goes come Easter? Kids can change a lot in a year, which is really what you are talking about. No need to make a final decision now?

Thanks Madwoman. No, no need to make a decision now, have til about Nov to decide. Just thinking a lot about it now. Think in P4 its more of a normal primary set up but by P6 they have separate language, science, maths lessons etc. Which would prob mean more challenge and differentiation.

I would still be really suspicious of a school which states they will be bored in year, though. (or appreciate their honesty and send them somewhere else where they will differentiate properly and they won't be bored)

Mine are all gifted, and we did have one school say that it would be unwise to send them there, as there were no appropriate peer relationships available - the school was in special measures for behaviour, and the ht was v honest with us. So we went elsewhere.

Dd2 is our conundrum - she has a disability which means she sometimes struggles socially, but is working several years ahead, so the 'move up' deliberations happen reasonably often. She is already 'different' though, so to mark her out as more so by putting her with an older group would be social death. Ds1 is particularly gifted in math, but he also has some social issues, so they are deliberating moving him up for subject specific stuff (they have done it before and it worked really well)

I would be tempted to see if there is another school that you like that could be more reassuring about extending in year?

I too am in Scotland and have had a similar situation with my DS. He is July born and started P1 at just turned 5. His state primary school identified very early on that he was gifted and he was being taken out of class to do reading with P2 , maths extension etc during the year. We then decided with them that the best way for him to progress was to skip a year and go P1-P3 where he has consistently been the top of the year group in the higher year ever since. He is now coming to the end of P7 but will not be 11 until July.

So, we had the decision to make- do we let him move up to High School (v good city state HS where his sister is doing v well) or do we look at alternative solutions. Our concern was the sport issue too, where he is average size for his age but particularly for boys, they get huge around age 14! Intellectually he could sit at the back of a class of 28 and cruise through Highers but would not be stimulated or stretched. Also, socially he has been fine with the older group but has never had truly close friends or intellectual peers.
Cut a long story short, we looked at the independent sector for a solution- looked around all the options. We felt that most of the private schools were not offering any more that the good state secondary we can accessso we settled on those ( Fettes or Merchiston) which offer the English curriculum / lots of sport/ small classes/ clear "very able" policy.
So he is starting at Merchiston in Sept on a scholarship/ bursary, will be back with his age group (but under English system they have age as at 1st Sept so he will still be amongst the youngest in the class). However, in a class of 15 he can get individual attention to stretch him for those subjects he is particularly strong in- but will do Latin/ Mandarin/ Electronics etc new subjects as well as sport/ music with the rest of his peers. They too move around classes like High School although technically it will be a "repeat" of P7 neither he nor we see it as such.
Merchiston has been fantastic throughout this whole process and hugely supportive of what is best for each child as an individual. By offering him a scholarship, obviously they expect good academic results from him and will be stretching him to achieve that.
I don't know if any of this is helpful to you- but thought it might be food for thought if nothing else.