very bright reception child

[threeofthebest]

Hi,

Since my 3rd child started reception his teacher has told us that he is extremely bright.
He is being taken aside to do different work with the TA - although I have asked that this not be all the time (for social reasons) and is being given lots of problem solving activities to do.
My worry is that he is such a perfectionist. If he gets something slightly wrong (even a very minor instruction at home) he gets really stressed and up-set about it. His teacher is aware of this - hence the problem solving to try and get him more comfortable with the concept of there not always being a 'right' way and a 'wrong' way to do things, but it really upsets me that he is so hard on himself. If he is like this at 4, I can see a really hard life ahead of him.
What can I do to help him chill a bit?? We tell him that it's ok to get things wrong etc etc
I am hoping that it is just a case of emotional immaturity (he is a summer baby, and so still only 4) but any suggestions would be really gratefully received.

I will say you are correct in that it is emotional imaturity, my dd was exactly the same, infact I could have wrote that op. now in y1 she is far more accepting of her own limitations, mostly because her own learning group has become more diverse as theb gap between her and her peers has decreased and other children have caught up and one or two taking over her, she is becoming to realise she is not that different after all. I must say in yR I was very much in awe of what dd coukld do and very happy for her to be singled out but this did not do her any good in the long run.

I stopped reading and doing work with dd nearer the end of yr as it was became such an ordeal for her and she was just too hard on herself. I allowed her to read her books alone and recorded they had been read and I would just leave her to play around with pencil and paper and would not get involved in any mistakes etc. I would just simply say, never mind darling work your self. I also talked with teacher who refused to give dd a rubber to corect and would encourage her to do a simple crossing out. DD would tend to scribble all hwer work out if she made a mistake and her teacher would frown upon this very much and if dd made a simple neat line she would praise her. I was concerned about her sitting doing homework with me and talked with her y1 teacher who adviced ask dd to do it, if it causes a melt down then write that in the book and it is down to her to manage this with dd. by first half term in y1 dd had mastered how to cope with the stress at schoolthat then emulated home.

Good luck I very much sympathise with you, but I suppose what im saying is take a step back and allow him to just explore all this by him self. x

I think it's very common in bright children - so much so that I think there is a factsheet on perfectionism if you go on the NAGC (National Association for Gifted Children) website.

DD was very much like this at the start of reception, but it has got better now. Some of this is probably down to growing up, but we've also been very careful to praise trying rather than results where we can, and also point out when we make mistakes. Don't know how much this has actually helped mind you!

Turning - I feel your pain about the rubber, DD refused to write at all in the first term in reception because her teacher wouldn't let her use one...

We had similar issues with DS, he is now Y1 and much better. He absolutely hated to cross things out and always tried to use a rubber but they wouldn't let him at school. He is fine about it all now but is very hard on himself and if he doesn't get something right he will say he's rubbish at it etc even if in fact he is exceptional.

V common, as others have said. and at 4 it is really important that he just chills and has fun at school, and there is no pressure to perform, and that he learns how to interact with his peers etc.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it at this point, if I'm honest. I would ignore it completely until September and have lots of fun over the holidays. The more you try to discuss it with him, the bigger it will seem (even if you think you are being reassuring). Is it possible that his anxiety is being raised by the way they are giving him extension work? Maybe it would help if they were less dramatic about it? Just leaving him where he is with his peer group and giving him extension tasks on current topics, rather than removing him to do 1-1 stuff?

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know this is quite 'normal' and he will probably grow out of it (or at least maybe get some coping strategies!) as he gets a bit older.
It's just a bit worrying when a four yer old gets up set about not being able to do something many 6 year olds would struggle with - and not just academic stuff (e.g tieing shoelaces - big battle at the moment!!)
Funny thing is my other two couldn't be more laid back - to the point of that being frustrating! - can't win!

It is a personality thing. DS1 was just like it and it made life very difficult for him. He had difficulty every September until the new teacher got his measure. I haven't got any answers - he grew out of it about 12yrs.

Take a deep breath and count to ten was the best I could come up with.

Dd1 once cried for two hours solid because she couldn't spell broccoli. And her brother could.
Two freaking hours.

My daughter cried when her toddler brother produced a better painting than her! ( was amazing)

My husband still gets very upset at not being perfect ( some never grow out of it) sorry not helpful.