my dd is in a yr1/2 class and she is excelling and im so proud of her, however i worry about her happyness. she does not fit in well with her class mates and although i struggkle to understand why I do accept some of her traits and personality is at times quite difficult at home but at the same time al;though different no more or worse than any other child her age, she can be very determined and bloody minded and argumentative, buit she is loving and amaginative and quirky. the trouble is with in her class she just does not fit in, there is of course a mixture of personality and temperaments, but she just does not seem to gell with any particular child. Out of school she has a couple of friends in children of my circle and gets on very well, never encountered any specific problems.
I feel the problems at school have been hindered through her experience in recdeption, at nursery she was a very popular and astute child, she would be very nurturing and look out for many children and she assumed the caring role. once entering reception this continued for a short period, however her teacher noticed and nurtured her intelegence along with one boy in her classand so this set her aside from the other children. This boy and my dd where banded together and seperate, they "created" a group just fopr them and so my dd was often isolated and learing indipendantly from her other class mates other than this one boy whom she had very little in common with and had no friendship with. DD was very aware of the fact they had to "create2 a special colour just for them and so in may ways she set her self apart and would often coment on how she and X where the cleverst and her and x etc etc. then by the end of reception she resented this and would often say she wished her and x did not like the same things. x was very obsesive about dinosaurs and etc and as dd was pretty comlient x would chose all the books etc. i did raise this at parents evening and her teacher explained that dd was enthusiastic and willing and so she was aware that the tendancy was to go with x's choice as dd would be so willing to accomodate. i expressed my concerns and tey were aknowledged. yet i still feel then that dd missed an oppertunity to explore her own interests.
Anyway fast worward to end of last term in y1/2 class where the learning group is a little more diverse but not alot only 2 more children added and all y1 and very much learning seperate from the rest of the class. My dd is struggling to fit in with her other class mates and I really feel for her but just do not know what to do. i experienced this but the total reverse in my own schooling, where i was excluded as I did not learn so well, I had special reading and maths groups as i struggled and did not feel I fitted in to any part of the class, had nothing in common with the others in the group and was falling behind my friends. I was so happy when dd shoed signs of being so bright and was all too easy to map her future for her, now despite this I can understand from the other end of the die the same problems.
This last half term she hasd been willfully excluded from a a small group of friends she seemed to get along with last half term and has been picked on by others, she was kicked and bruised last week and she is now saying she does not want to be clever or read and will not do any home work. she wrote a large peice of writting that was for her home work book and now refuses to put it in her home work book as its not the same as what others are doing. She has not cvhanged her rading book for 2 weeks because she says she has not finished her work because she has been getting into arguments and so has not finished her work, then she changed that to she did not as she didnt finish her work because she does more than the others in her band and they get cross with her because she keeps working. Im finding it hard to get to the bottom of what is going on. so I talked with her teacher whao said that in the class room she is never alone or in conflict, and that the friendship circle dd is in can be clique and often needs some intervention and so she would round them all up and work it out. dd said this happened but behind the teachers back the children where particularyunkind and said dd could not play with them.
her teacher also expressed some problems with dds attitude that I do experience at home in way of determination and agrumentativness. she is to put it mildly some times like a dog with a bone. she has a very clear mind set, way beyond her years, that im sure many of you will relate to. it is at times for me a little difficult to grapple with so Im sure for the average 6 year old it is very tiresome. i have beagn to nipit in the bud at home and tonight I made the terriblemistake of telling her that some times people do not like her attidute and she needs to curb it. I felt so guilty and almost like I was saying no wonder no one wants to play with you. Its not what i actually said but im worried this is the message she will get, I just dont know how else to help her. she does not deserve to be kicked and excluded, however I also want to herlp her controle and aknowlege how to get along with others. I am attempting to remaine open minded but Im also aware that when I ask her about school and who she played with or sat with or what she learned she then makes out she had a terrible day with no company etc tec and I dont always belive her, I cant just not ask her and If I dont ask she does not mention school other than the bad aspects, some times she comes out so happy and cheerfull that I dont belive it is all that bad either yet other times she looks and seems so sad and tired. Im struggling to understand what is normal and what is dd playing the sad cards, any one else experince this?
Oh my goodness this post is so long sorry.