grades slipping with gifted child... how can I help?

[flyingspaghettimonster]

Hi,

My daughter was tested at 99th percentile last year, and was to of her school year and had the teacher very excited. This year, though, things seem to be going wrong. She started off well, all A's as normal, the work has always been too easy for her, especially maths, but she loves school so we were happy to let her coast through until middle school (she is 8). She is in the G & T program, so her class is the higher end kids mostly.

Now everything is going downhill. The teacher this year tests them about 5 times a week, always working out the percentage grade (no idea why she goes to that much effort on spelling quizzes etc)... Daughter has gone from 102/100 (with bonus question) to the 70s and it doesn't seem to be subject specific... the maths that she used to love is now regularly a B or C grade, with stupid errors on answers I know she can work out, because I give her the same question at home and get the right answer swiftly.

She is also drawing elaborate pictures on the back o the tests, implying she is deliberately not using the time to answer the tests and check, but is instead rushing so she has time to doodle.

I am not sure what has changed - we do have a couple of changes in her life - we applied to a great independent school specifically because we thought it would be good for her, but because she is in rising grade 3, there were no spaces so she is on the waiting list. Her little brother we applied or at the same time for ease of transport, he got a place as it is kindergarten so more open. So now friends and family are praising him up for being clever, getting a great scholarship etc and she might feel disappointed as it is a lovely school.

The other changes were that her best friend, who is autistic and can find working and taking orders in class difficult, has been moved to her class. This happened about the time of the slipping grades.

Also, my DD has a boyfriend. She is being teased a lot about it by the other girls and she is very sensitive so the (in my opinion harmless) comments of 'Rosie's got a boyfriend!' have her in tears sometimes. Even though he is adorable and tells her not to listen to them...

What can I do to help get her back on track? Boost her confidence? She was so proud of being the good kid, the studious kid, the clever kid... I think she might feel like her brother, who she saw as the bad kid and the slacker is taking her place. I tell her positive things all the time, how proud we are of things she does well on, how good she has been etc, but something is obviously going wrong...

Is the boyfriend a recent development. Boys often make grades slip I find!

Well she is only 8 so he is really more like a good friend, but I was always obsessed with boys so maybe it is a distraction... I think they have been together since the start of the year though and things were fine then. He looks like a young Will Smith and has the kindest eyes and dimples... so I can see why she likes him :)

Ahh only being 8 makes it less likely to be the reason her grades are slipping!

i was a gifted child...i was top of the class in every subject..reports from teachers would be excellent etc...i found from then on my parents pushed me and they didnt even realise it...the crowning glory was when being a child at a xmas party, santa came to visit (parents bought the presents for santa to give out) my brothers and sisters got some fab toys..i got a pen set....this was over 35 yrs ago and i still remmber it vividly like it was yesterday....it put me off schoolwork as i wanted fun in my life also not just schoolwork....

sometimes a small event like this can have a devastating impact of a childs way of thinking, like it happened to me

Maybe she doesn't like the "performing monkey" side of being tested 5* a week. It does sound full-on, I must say.

Are you expressing disappointment with her 70s, Bs, Cs? How would you react if her brother got those marks?

Finally - radical suggestion, I know, but have you considered asking her about it (non-judgementally!) and listening to what she has to say?

Maybe it has something to do with being tested 5 times a week? Just a though........

I have asked her about it, she just shrugs and isn't interested in talking about it. We aren't pushing her - the opposite really, the pushiest thing we did was apply for the other school just because last year she was bored.

I don't have a choice about the tests... that is her teacher. Everyone gets them - a grammar test, a social studies test (multiple choice so she usually has no probs there), maths quiz daily and a bigger one on Fridays, spelling test weekly, project test (usually history based). The teacher grades the class for every single one of these... god knows why, and adds them all up and does an average for the quaterly reports. I am sure my UK teachers never did half that!

Do you think she might just be tired of doing all the quizzes then? I am only concerned as she needs to keep her grades up to get into the other school with her brother when a space becomes available.

I also worry about her turning into me. I was gifted as a kid, and lazy as hell. I coasted all through school, almost never doing homework at secondary school, getting low effort grades and high academic grades. Then, when it got harder at A level I was out of my depth and didn't know how to study or work properly. I was no longer the best at some things and rather than strive to be better, I gave up. I don't want that for her or for her to feel she wasted her potential. Nor do I want her to feel pressured... it is a hard thing to balance.

Ah, are you not in the UK? Don't think I can be much help, then! I ws going to suggest complaining to the Head about the testing regime!

My first thought is that your DD might be feeling the need to fit in with her peers, rather than stand out as the class geek/teachers' pet/whatever kids tease with these days.

Perhaps having her best friend in the same class (where her previous high grade standard is more apparent) could be contributing to this. Especially with those frequent tests!

My DD is 7, and is often brought to tears if teased by her peers. I also think she's dumbed herself down after moving school to fit in better as her class has very mixed abilities (though we've made progress with remedying it somewhat).

Hmmm. If your daughter's anything like mine, she might well feel she's been put on the spot if asked directly about her grades, especially if she's still feeling frustrated about them slipping... So how about some Mummy-Daughter time? Maybe she'll bring the subject up herself if you're both having fun and feeling relaxed with each other. Perhaps ask in a more roundabout way - "how's things with your friends?", "have you done anything interesting with your (boy)friend recently?".

Of course, there's also the probable frustration about her brother attending the new school before she's able to (especially if she'd felt like the "clever one" until that point). Is it safe to help her get excited about the new school?

I would find a USA, ideally VA forum for your query, OP. You need to understand how your own system works.
She sounds bored. That said, I just read Nurtureshock which has totally revised my ability to believe in early IQ tests, I could also well believe lacks the mega-brains you thought she had.

I tested 99+ percentile at age 7, too. Load of pants, in retrospect.

Huh, boyfriend at 8? My 8 year old is too busy enjoying herself. Sorry if I sound judgemental but your post sounds like you are making mountains out of mole hills and you need to let her get on with things. I know she is G&T but I think if this concerned you less you may find her confidence improves. Sounds like the poor kids abilities in life are judged too much. Far too much testing at school. I have been like you myself, it didn't do any of us any good but at least you care enough to be bothered, but just let her be, if school won't stop pushing tests, I'd change schools.

First thing I'd say is that just because she 'shrugs' and doesn't seem interested in talking about it, doesn't mean things aren't bothering her. Perhaps she worries about telling you (fears judgement or disappointing you) or just can't articulate what she is feeling. If your move is recent, maybe she is missing friends/family from UK - or if it is about the same time you moved in the past it might be a trigger event, unsettling her. Try the play therapy method of reflecting back what she is saying to help her know you are listening without judging, and this may help her open up. Talk to the teacher to ask if she is having problems in class or to clarify why they test so much. How are grades announced - does everyone hear what everyone else received? If the teasing about the boy friend is upsetting her, is there any other teasing going on that you are unaware of. Let her know her grades are fine and that you value her, not her performance. Find something fun to do together which is tested, scored or judged. The end of the school year is approaching and she is likely tired too. Have a read of Mindset by Carol Dweck about how gifted children can end up failing and feeling only valued for their academic achievement and nothing else.

My dd is 8 and I thought when reading your post that you mistyped her age and she was actually Y8. An awful lot of expectations for an 8 year old and the whole "boyfriend" thing sounds like you're talking about a much older child.
I agree with others who say you need advice of people familiar with your system because it sounds horrendous.

There is research which shows that grades are bad for all students motivation. Either you always get high grades, so don't feel motivated to work, or you don't and give up because others get the top grades. That is why in the UK good teachers often don't give grades always, but instead praise what is good and point to what can be improved. Everyone can always improve.

I guess you are in the US. I would talk to her about how she feels, and show her that you just want her to do her best. Praise her for specifics, definitely not for being "clever", but hard work or something like "good use of colour" or "great word".