Is my daughter a bored/frustrated bright child?

[K1RS7Y]

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate your views on this matter as this is all new to me. Also I don't want to discuss this with family and friends as I don't want them to think I'm trying to brag etc.

I have just had the most weird realisation, it may sound obvious to you all but to me it wasn't I am now wondering after reading an article whether my daughter is displaying challenging behaviour because she is a bored/frustrated bright child? My daughter has always been challenging and pushes boundaries. She will question all of my decisions and will always try to have the last word! I sometimes feel she is more like a teenager than 3 yr old! She can be quite difficult when at home despite the boundaries we have in place, it always seems to be a constant battle. She has always been a busy child and loves to climb. She has always met her milestones early, she knew all her english alphabet before she went to nursery. We sent her to a welsh school although nobody in her family speaks welsh and now at 3yrs 9 mths is reading welsh books. She can also switch between reading welsh and english words (some letters are pronounced differently in welsh). I buy her the childrens magazines because she loves doing the workpages in the middle, I have never tried to do maths with her but she memorised 2+1= 3 and for days would write this on her chalk board and say it out loud. She can also write quite well and is able to spell out words and write them down. Although she is doing well in school the teacher does say that she finds it hard to take turns talking during 'carpet time' and will wander off to play with something else. She also comented that she is more "mature" than the other children and prefers to cut out or make pictures. After reading this article other things are also starting to make sense.

She often asks me odd questions like "why doesn't this bag know I am taking it to school?" or "why doesn't this drink know I am drinking it?" I don't really understand childrens cognitive development but is this a sign of a gifted child? She also needs to know what every road sign means! There are so many things from this article that ring true - she has never liked loud noise and is stil terrified of hoovers, hand driers - could this be hypersensitivity also seen in gifted children?

Sorry if I am babbling on I just feel that this is starting to make sense now. Do you think I need to be doing more to support and encourage her ability and any suggestions on what I should be doing? She goes swimming and to gymnastics once a week as she is so active and I do read to her. Do you think I should encourage more advanced learning like simple maths or wait for her teacher to take the lead? I don't want to be seen as a pushy mum!

Thanks in advance. :)

it could be, but it could also be that she's three, and lots of non gifted kids have similar sensitivities. it could also be that the sensitivities veer off the normal scale and into either spd or autistic spectrum disorders.

she sounds like a fun kid to be around though, and like lots of other bright children. you probably really won't know (or need to know) the 'cause' of her quirks for another few years yet, and if she still has them at 6 or 7 and doesn't outgrow them, then yes, it may be more than being a preschooler.

either way, just enjoy her and carry on working on her social skills. it's just as important (and actually more so) for a gifted child to know how to behave in a social setting and bond with their peer group, so let her enjoy being three.

early testing will set you back around £500 at the cheapest, and isn't really advised unless you have a child who is exhibiting severe problems, as it isn't completely reliable so early. waiting until 7 or so is advised, but at school at the very least.

i think you should caryy on what you do normally at home, tbh. it seems to be working fine. teaching formal maths isn't required, you just incorporate the real world into your chat as you pass the time with her. the bright kids will just soak it all up like a sponge. lots of three year olds have already worked out a lot of simple maths just from climbing the stairs or whatever, tbh. so she might already know loads more than you realise. i had no idea that dd2 could read and describe graphs when she started school, or that ds1 could play shopping and work out multiplications to get to different numbers at 3. i'm not sure who was more surprised, nursery or me. it didn't make any difference. and ep testing is v funny. i soent most of the test going 'how do they know that?' kids are amazing.

ultimately though, remember she is three, and keep on jumping in puddles and going to the park, and playing on the slides, and squishing play doh into the carpet.

trampolines are always good value with busy kids, too. and they work out way cheaper than a gazillion bazillion classes. and if you put a couple of kids on together they make up games and stretch their imaginations that way, too.

please do make sure that the social side doesn't get lost in the realisation she may be bright.

I always think that people worry about extinguishing intelligence in young children if they don´t run with it. She´s just a child, best thing just to let her have fun and keep teaching her own pace....my husband is VVV clever and his mum definitiely developed that by some 70s style hothousing but he never rode a bike until he was 11, and has NEVER climbed a tree, which I find amazing given my own upbringing.

3.9 does seem young to me to be reading and be able to write legibly.

I do think it helps us tailor our parenting if we know as parents where our children are developmentally - for example my 3.2 year old has poor speech - we thought she was just generally not very bright, when she was tested or global development delay it turns out she is very bright - cognitive skills and fine/gross motor skills of a 4.10 year old - but very hard of hearing.

By knowing this it really does instantly alter the way a child is parented - not only can we get her the help she needs with speech and have gromits fitted to support her hearing but also we interact with her, encourage nd discipline her in the same way as we do for her brother who is nearly 5.

Realsing that inside she was older than her chronilogical age (just in terms of skills rather than social or emotional understanding) and treating her as olde has really helped her stay positive and interested, and thus less frustrated and defiant.

A gutheri assessment is available to all, free, via health visitor, and will throughily test six main areas of development and give you a written report of how your child is deveolping compared with average development - it is intensive for the child as can take up to 2 hours but well worth doing in my view.

Hi Kirs7y.My dd is very able and on G&Tand has been called genius, gifted and all the rest of it. She has always found things easy. Reading easily and writing very early, as did I. But i haven't had any problems with her like you have mentioned. She is quiet even now at 12 (year 8) but she has always has been even as a baby. She has never liked a lot of noise though and still doesn't. I can't take her to the cinema because she says its too loud. Doesn't like tv because its too loud. Doesn't really like parties - too loud. Reading your post was interesting. Dd was quite similar when you mentioning questioning everything. Yes i had that too. I think its just that their brain is on the go all the time! You won't be a pushy mother. I wasn't and just let dd get on with it but it led to a bit of jealousy at infants. But i must say that i have never had dd tested for anything to see just how good she is. I know a lot of parents on mn have had this done. What is it for? I know dd is "brainy" and is achieving higher than needed results at school so that will do for me. Best wishes to you and your dd. :)

Puzzled at the references to teacher, and school and carpt time- it sounds as if she's in too structured an environment for w 3 year old!

She does sound very bright- but I wouldn't do any formal learning. There are loads of ways you can help her to learn by finding out- cooking is one of my favourites. Get her to write shopping lists, plan menus and organise outings- there ar loads things. My ds used to do sums hill he sorted socks! Win/win, that one!

Thank you all for your posts. I totally agree with you Ibizagirl I wouldn't want my little one formally tested and I am a very happy mum knowing she is a clever girl and even if she wasn't I would still be a happy mum :) We live in the countryside and she is constantly muddy and dirty from climbing trees, cycling through muddy puddles etc. She'd be able to tell you anything about wildlife and the farm. I agree with you madwomanintheattic, trampolines are excellent for burning off energy, however she loves socialising especially with older children and she loves going to classes where she can mix with others, usually following older girls around :o

Like you Rosmaryandthyme I do feel it is important to understand what developmental level she is at, even I do not act on it, and I would never minimise the importance of play to a young child, but I can't help but feel she wants to be treated slightly older and learn the things older children do possibly making her feel less frustrated and defiant It was very interesting what you said AliveSheCried 'I always think that people worry about extinguishing intelligence in young children if they don´t run with it', if I'm being honest I probably do feel this way. I suppose thats where my question is coming from really as I have always put more into the play and fun aspect of things and I don't want to ignore the fact that she is like a sponge wanting to progress rapidly all the time and how I can best meet this need really without holding her back.

She is a fun child to be around madwomanintheattic and always on the go. I am as much proud of her for climbing a tree as I am of her reading a book :)

I will definately try some of those ideas seeker! They sound obvious to some but I have never got her involved in writing a shopping list with me or plan a menu. The socks idea is fab

Just a word of warning about her "following the older girls around". My dd used to do this, and you have to be incredibly vigilant about the little one being a pain in the neck. Older girls can be very kind and indulgent to little ones, but you mustn't let them cramp the big girls' style. They will often be too kind to tell the little one to stop bugging them, or, conversely, be very abrupt andunkind about it.

And your little girl does have to learn to play with her peer group too. It's easy for bring children and their pants to think that there isn't any fun to be had with children the same age- and this can lead to loneliness later. Just something to watch for.

Oh, yy, I didn't mean pulling her out of the classes she enjoys (although like seeker I would watch for that 'hero worship' stuff. It's cute to watch, but can get old pretty quickly.) just that you didn't need to enrol her for any more, as you op seemed to indicate you thought you ought to be proactive about more formal 'teaching' etc.

"why doesn't this bag know I am taking it to school?" - what a pearl :)

Your little girl sounds rather similar to mine. I just wanted to tell you about a book I am currently reading by Elaine Aron called "The highly sensitive child". It is really interesting and is putting a lot of her quirks into place for me. Definitely recommend it :)

That was just one of many Pianomama! My response was possibly funnier :o

Thanks for that Lucylish, I will definately take a look at that book. I forgot to mention that she also has a fear of balloons bursting, she is usually a really confident little girl but if we go to a party where there are balloons she puts her fingers in her ears and will not move off my lap, when all the other children are having fun :( Have you had this type of experience with your little one?

I hope you keep a diary with all the priceless questions/statements. She will really enjoy reading it when she is older

hahaha. I could have written your post a couple of years back. My DD has been an absolute nightmare/darling combo for her whole life.

We've had people keep telling us how exceptional my DD is (GP said it when she was still a baby, other professionals have also commented). The existential stuff you comment on really struck a bell too - my DD's interpretation of the bible stories and heaven are the kind of stuff I'd have to smoke a lot of very expensive dope to come up with.

We made a conscious decision a few years ago to ignore all the comments and not 'do' anything, and we do not regret it at all. Now , in reception, DD's teacher has made a comment on her intellect and we're wondering whether or not to get her formally assessed or do 'stuff' with her, but that's another thread (quite literally). We're erring on the side of just letting her run with things as they stand. If she gets bored, we'll deal with it.

Seeker said a couple of things that struck a chord with me and you really may want to remind yourself of later.
(1) the peer group/older girl thing. My DD's preference is always to mix with older kids/adults. She can wrap them round her finger in a heartbeat (especially girls aged around 10-12) and will do so at every opportunity. It is a real struggle to get her to focus on her own age group (especially as she has older siblings)
(2) Although amazingly well-behaved in school, especially compared to her constant boundary-pushing outside of school, I have found that some of her 'teenager' type behaviours have rubbed off in the way she interracts with girls in her own age group. She is very bossy and has this 'always right' attitude which I am really struggling to get out of her system. It is a really big problem now that her peers are starting to choose their own friends. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to nip this in the bud (I think we've come at it too late and worry a lot here)

One other thing I've found fascinating has been to really expand on the extra-curricular activities. We've had to really push the envelope on what we expose her to because she gets bored and then refuses to continue with stuff. To get her to carry on swimming (she decided she 'knew' how to swim once she got her level 4) we had to start her on diving lessons (ever seen a 5 YO on a 5 metre board? Not recommended). That worked. Then we had to get her quite early into pony club so that the competition of seeing older girls riding better than her kept her going (given that she decided she already 'knew' how to ride). That worked too. Ditto a few other things where we've had to push a little at what is considered age appropriate. We keep on expanding what she does, and it keeps on getting more interesting to see her realise that she isn't the best. She doubles up her efforts when she sees this and seems to (touch wood) have become a bit more reflective and less argumentative as a result. That may be coincidence of course.

(by the way, I should stress that she is crap at horseriding - looks like I was boasting by stealth)