DD in year 2 - struggling with playground behaviour

[caughtupintheratrace]

I have posted this in primary education aswell. My DD is on Gifted and talented register, she does think so differently to alot of children her age so maybe this has a bearing on things?
Right after no sleep last night i need some advice/opinions.
I was called into the deputy head last night, a parent from her class had been in and said her DD has been upset as my DD has been saying spiteful things. The deputy head then went on to say my DD's name had come up few times saying spiteful things.
I was really shocked / surprised as not sure where all this has come from as she is such a lovely little girl. I have spoken to my DD and she has told me she hasn't said anything spiteful, the things she has told me sound like typical 6 year old behaviour e.g your not my friend anymore.
Just not sure what to do from here, my DD is adamant she has not done anything so how can i address it? The school just said have a chat to her over the holidays.
I am also worried as last time my DD got the blame for something it turned out the other child just wanted to get her in trouble after i had not believed her etc.... so i don't want to make the same mistake. Not sure if it is relevent but she is very bright (way ahead of where she should be) but also youngest in the class.

Year 2 girls can be spiteful, it has nothing whatsoever to do with being bright. Obviously, nobody here can say if your dd was being mean or not, but I would have a chat with her anyway - especially if she admits to saying stuff like "I'm not your friend any more" as that could certainly be hurtful to another child, even though it's pretty standard stuff.

Thanks for the reply, yes i have been talking to her and will more. When i spoke to her about "im not your friend anymore" they all seem like they are saying it to each other all the time then making friends again 2 seconds later....(what is all that about)

No i don't think it is linked to being bright just sometimes she seems to come out with things and other children just don't 'get her',not sure if a link.

Think i will have to speak to school more, why did they have to plant this the day before the easter hols, i have 2 weeks to over analyse this (like i do everything, aarrgghh)

If her name has come up as being connected to saying unkind things before, as the deputy head suggests, then it might be time to talk to your dd.
She may not realise that the things she says are hurtful to the extent of being discussed with staff, or with parents at home.
Often we find that it is not so much what was said as how....iyswim?
Body language counts for much as well.

I think the school have advised you well...obviously she is saying some things that have caused upset, and they are making you aware.

This is something I thought might be of interest. It certainly applies to my son and it's really really annoying! He has the makings of an excellent secondhand car salesman!

"Although we think of truthfulness as a young child?s paramount virtue, it turns out that lying is the more advanced skill. A child who is going to lie must recognize the truth, intellectually conceive of an alternate reality, and be able to convincingly sell that new reality to someone else. Therefore, lying demands both advanced cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn?t require. ?It?s a developmental milestone,? Talwar has concluded.

This puts parents in the position of being either damned or blessed, depending on how they choose to look at it. If your 4-year-old is a good liar, it?s a strong sign she?s got brains. And it?s the smart, savvy kid who?s most at risk of becoming a habitual liar."

That's a really really interesting thought, niceweather, thanks for posting. Certainly makes me feel better! Where is the quote from please?

Did the DepHead not say what she had said and how? 'I'm not your friend' sounds pretty normal.

I bet she's said nothing worse than any other girl ever said, just that she was the unlucky one who got complained about.

I would have a chat about being more careful about other people's feelings, but leave it at that unless further developments.

I just did a google on "gifted children lying" as I knew it was something I had heard about previously. There was also something on the news a while ago about children who lie being more successful as adults!

Here's where the quote came from:

www.leosoderman.com/2009/12/05/behavior-in-gifted-kids-%E2%80%93-lying-and-stealing/

My son is very strong verbally (not at all mathematically). The lies are incredible! I'm laughing now but it drives me crazy. He will argue that black is white. He recently tried to insist that work he had been given from school to do at home was NOT homework! Grrrrrrrrr! Maybe he's going to be a politician.

Thanks so much for all the replies. It has made me think a bit more clearly about it. Apparently her name has been mentioned a few times by children so don't think it is being made up.
She is very bossy, so i am trying to address that and telling her to listen to her friends. Also been talking to her about how to talk to people as she can sometimes "have a bit of attitude with me".
I am hoping that the easter break will calm her down and things will settle down when she returns to school.

I thought maybe i would get this towards the end of primary school, how wrong was i.

Thanks again alot for me to think about, you are all fab x