When your child thinks so very differently to others - how to support?

[zazas]

Just wondering if anyone had experience with this or could offer some insight so we may best deal / understand my DS.

DS is 10 and in Year Six. In the accelerated group for Maths/Science, reads and comprehends above his age by a couple of years however handwrites and spells a couple of years below. So doing well in school academically and socially in general but just thinks different that other kids - very differently!

However at this week's parent/teacher's meeting they have said that he really has to stop thinking about alternative ways to do things! He has always being like this from a very young age and was put on the G&T register for creativity in Year One (although that has meant absolutely nothing!). At the time his teacher was very supportive and said that she would rather have a child that thought through things etc and came up with solutions that were not the usual churned out stuff. Various teachers through the years have also been supportive - commending him on his creativity etc. We were happy for him to be like that (who he is) and have seen it in everything that he does. It is exhausting at times but ultimately he doesn't do it to get attention or be difficult, he just genuinely looks at things and sees if there is a different or better way of doing or thinking about it - its like a second nature thing to him. We have four other children and the difference is extremely obvious.

We are realistic that of course he needs to sometimes just accept that the way the teacher teaches the subject is the best way in this situation and he doesn't need to re-invent everything every time. He knows this but this is the first time the teachers have been quite forceful and intolerable about the way that he is. Even though in the same meeting they commended him on his innovative way of teaching German to the Year Twos recently and they plan to continue using his way from now on!

Sorry rambling here (tying to get my thoughts clear) but he is about to start secondary school and I can only see this being a more problem - maybe with some teachers more than others. So does anyone have any ideas on how he can continue to use and develop his 'gift'. Should we just really emphasis the need for him to fit in and do the work as he is instructed, teach him when it is appropriate to have alternative ideas, get the school on board early so they understand what he is like or just tell him that he will get a chance when he is older to really be creative and that for now he has to get through school and do it their way?

Having said that telling him not to think about things is nigh on impossible - have tried many times to tell him to just concentrate on the task at hand AND not to think about how else it could be achieved - faster, better, more efficiently etc!

It is probably a silly concern but I guess I want for my DS to continue to develop his unique skill yet still to get through the education system!

Anyone with a similar child?

Have you considered dyslexia.

Many people with dyslexia can behave as you describe, particularly with a high IQ. They invent coping strategies and ways of breaking things down in order to process information,

Yes, dyslexia was the first thing that came to my mind as my son is very very similar. He had to give up art club because it was "too restrictive".

Do a google search on "twice exceptional".

Secondary school has been much much much better than junior - I can't believe how much better! Hang on in there! We have had several design projects that sound like the kind of thing your son could enjoy.

My son also goes to a drama group where they create and perform their own plays which is a great outlet for him - and there are lots of similar kids there.

My son is also exhausting and he will not listen so I don't think it would be possible to change him or reign him in even if we tried.

They ruled that out in earlier assessments even though I have asked many times if this might be the case - he reads with absolutely no problems - consistently, comprehends well, maths in all areas is well above and is able to articulate on paper and verbally. There are definitely some traits though when reading through the list, so I guess the spectrum is pretty wide and he could easily be on part of it...Without a 'formal' assessment how do I get this across to the secondary school though?

Who assessed him? Some people with dyslexia have no problems reading. it isn't a reading disability it is an information processing disability for which reading problems CAN be a symptom but not always.

In order to make sense of information, dyslexics will often take what they get, shake it all up and re-teach themselves in a logical way (if they are bright - if they are less so, they can just get confused).

Niceweather - you understand!!! Yes my DS found formal art club too restrictive! You will no doubt relate but when he was five he entered a poster competition to promote a play about a storm on a tropical island and after creating the picture, he then wrapped the poster in sellotape so to protect it from the storm! The looks I got when he handed it in :)

He does Drama now as well as 'Boyz Dance' - both things he loves and enjoys like you said the chance to express himself.

Did you inform the secondary school about your child in advance, was he formally accessed? He is very much looking forward to secondary school - he feels it will be his chance to really express himself...

I wonder what assessments they carried out? My son passed a school assessment for dyslexia but it wouldn't have been a proper full dyslexia assessment. My son's reading is above average, as is his comprehension but his reading is a long way below what you might expect from his intelligence. The discrepancy between achievement and potential is part of the diagnosis of dyslexia but it's hard to get schools to understand this if your child is performing within the average range.

As your son is coping and achieving well then secondary school probably won't take much notice. Maybe using a computer will help your son with his writing and spelling.

Dyslexia is meant to affect 10% of the population and it's amazing how many people out there don't get diagnosed until later in life. There must be many kids out there who are getting by and yet performing way below their potential.

StarlightDicKenzie - SEN teacher at school who also brought in an independent accessor. I just took their word at it (they did it in Year Four) but always felt that there was something that was definitely there that was not being addressed. However when you child can read well and there is nothing else major that is causing an problem it is easily enough to take their word and agree with them. However I can see now how he can fit the profile especially as his weakness is his actual handwriting.

Your last sentence describe my son completely but how do I get the teacher's to understand this. They were so frustrated with regard to his maths where even though he is getting the right answer and is quick and working above a year in the subject - they don't like him doing it 'his way' - he finds this very hard to deal with...

Yes, I do understand! My son had to give up art club because his idea of batik involved a helicopter distributing the wax!!!

Love the poster idea! Have you ever had your whole living room sellotaped up? LOL!

I did go and have a meeting with the SENCO before secondary and she was great. I was very worried about him being put in low groups because of his dyslexia. Secondary school "got" my son literally from his induction day whereas nobody ever "got him" at junior school.

Zazas, go onto the SN children board and out out a call for someone called Dolfrog. He has a lot of information about processing difficulties and might be able to help you get to the bottom of it. He has difficulties himself though so be prepared for quite 'dry' information.

DS is similar ie reads well but spelling and writing a long way behind the rest of him. He is described as an abstract thinker. He has thrived in secondary school, especially in humanities and sciences. He has never had a formal diagnosis of dyslexia but is on the SN register for SLD as well as the G&T. I was worried that he would be in the lower sets, but they used CAT scores and SAT scores to set from day one and he was put in the top sets and has thrived there.