Help me out here please wwyd?

[mrsshears]

First of all can i just say i'm 6 months pregnant and very hormonal so i'am aware i may be overeacting and getting a bit too stressed about all this.
My dd is 5 and currently in y1 at an 'outstanding' state school, she is happy, has friends and enjoys school reasonably well.
However dd has been assessed as being on the 99.9th percentile for IQ (we chose to assess because of various issues initially at school such as dd being unhappy and a huge difference between home and school regarding preformance/achievement) when we got the results of the assessment we went into school to have a chat with the head and dd's teacher,to our dismay we were basically told that they did not believe in IQ tests and that dd is not exceptional and that they would not be putting anything in place for her, realistically i think we should have moved her then however we decided to see how it went as dd had made a lot of social progress and we were worried what impact a move would have on her.
Since then nothing has really changed and dd is still not challenged or viewed as particulairly able,the school is high achieving and dd is doing well in some areas such as reading and also doing ok in literacy(but then so is everyone) but is way bellow in maths at school compared to home,at school she is doing number bonds to 20 whereas at home she is doing division,times tables,fractions and percentages.
I really dont know what to do,i dont like the school and i dont like their attitude towards dd.They also dont listen to me or my concerns,what would you do? it has been 3 months since our meeting with very little change if any,is it time for a move?

I'd start off by trying to answer some tough questions for myself and about myself:

1 what do I hope to achieve by moving DD - do I want/expect a certain level of progress in particular curriculum areas? If so why? Is it because I think she would be happier 'meeting her potential' or 'being challenged' or because a little part of me could then stick two fingers up at the current school and say 'see, I told you so' (which is always satisfying, lets be honest :))

2 If my DD is happy where she is, making progress academically (albeit not outstanding progress) and doing well socially why do I want more - she is only 5 after all. Should I just let her be happy - she has many more years of institutionalisation education in which to excel after all.

3 Is my desire to change school more to do with my own dislike of them and their attitude than my DDs educational needs?

4 What does my perfect school look like? Is it realistic that I can find it/afford it/get my child into it? If the current school is a compromise, is it a compromise I can live with?

5 Is my child being harmed by being in this school? If they continue to refuse to recognise her potential or consider there may be issues re the difference between home and school performance is this likely to harm her educationally, emotionally etc. in the long term.

6 Many children perform better at home for a huge variety of reasons. Should I really care that much since she is only 5. Why can't I accept how she is doing at school and just let her get on with it if she seems happy and I don't think she is suffering?

7 What do I hope my child will achieve in her education? Do I think I will have failed as a parent if she does not excel to the level her assessments would suggest she is capable of? Do I think she will have failed? Do I expect her to do well in the areas she is assessed as gifted in? Have I asked her if she wants to? (By which I mean if your child is assessed as being gifted in Maths do you have an expectation that she should excel in this area - even if she doesn't particularly enjoy the subject). Will I consider her education to have been a success if she doesn't achieve to the level her assessment indicates she could? Will her current school help or hinder her?

Thanks adoptmamma that's really helpful and gives me alot to think about.

There is definately a big part of me wants to stick two fingers up to dd's current school, because of my own feelings about them but i also feel really upset for dd because of their negativity towards her and i worry about the impact this will have on her long term as i do feel she is picking up on the fact they don't have high expectations of her.
I think her performance at school v home is different because of a few factors,i think she may be intrinsically motivated and uninspired/underchallenged by her schoolwork.
I think ultimately i just want to make sure we do the right thing for dd.

Mrsshears I have to ask why you chose an IQ test rather than speaking to the school first?

we had spoken to the school many times over a period of a couple of years(dd also did nursery and reception at this school) totallytallbird,to no avail,we had always suspected dd may be gifted/high IQ but would not have bothered with testing if it had not been for dd's difficulties at school.

Different situation, but dd1 was struggling with maths. I did extra maths with her at home, and she wanted to write a book with all her new found knowledge (by book I mean a few bits of paper stapled together with drawings etc). She took this in and some of the workbooks we had been using at home. This was enough to build her confidence to do the same at school, and she moved up a maths table and began to believe in herself, and her teacher began to believe in her more too.

If she is in with clever children then this may spur her on to do more than if you move her to a school where her intellegence is more unusual, but harder to fit in socially. IQ tests measure different aspects of intelligence, and it may be that she is very clever but will excel in subjects such as humanities, science, which are not covered in the depth at ks1 as literacy and numeracy.

If there is another good, affordable, easy to get to alternative school then you could look around and consider moving her, but you need to be very clear that it will be in her best interest in terms of more than just academic achievement, afterall you know that at home she is making good progress, sooner or later she is likely to show this at school, maybe with a change of teacher. Won't it be more rewarding to put those fingers up if she is in the school than from a distance. Some comment about it being a shame that she doesn't feel comfortable in that environment to show her ability at parents evening too!

I would agree with adoptmama that you need to focus on what your best outcome would be here and where you actually want to end up. What do you think your daughter is missing out on and what are the most important educational outcomes at 5?

In a similar situation with my son, I came to the conclusion that a balanced and happy child was the best to aim for. It really did not matter if he could do algebra at 7 as that was not going to determine how happy his life would be. Understanding how to make friends might.

Don't stress about it at this stage, but monitor it and so far as possible, ensure that your dialogue with the school is polite and friendly and constructive.

Thanks everyone, really constructive helpful comments

I must sound like a broken record.
My parents got a 99.9% IQ result for me when I was little, they made a load of bad decisions on the back of that. Primarily moving me to a different, supposedly superior school, where I was miserable & turned into an underachiever for many years.

So personally I would be loathe to move a happy child.

Much sympathy from here :) It's not an easy decision. My personal experience & thoughts are that with a child who is 'unusual' being able to work with the school is vital for everyone's long term happiness. And yes, I would be concerned about the low expectation aspect of the current school too.

If you find a school within a reasonable distance who strike you as being more open to a 'different' child and you feel you will be able to work with them better than your current school, I would seriously consider moving her. She is only 5, she will make new friends, and can have playdates with all current friends who are important. By all means, manage the move carefully and take your time preparing and settling DD in to a new school. But if it means your DD is in a school with a better fit (not just for her but the whole family) and you know she is being seen for who she really is - that's a better recipe for long-term success, even if the new school on paper looks far from 'outstanding'. Good luck, mrsshears!

Hi eyeofnewt !
I have actually tried to pm you about this elsewhere but it wont work
It's such as hard decision,as you are well aware yourself, i keep going round in circles about it but keep coming back to the same thing i.e if they don't accept dd as who she is,a quirky high iq/gifted child then can it ever work?

Shame about the pm You can always pm me here!

I think there's no such thing as a perfect fit. But if you can improve the fit, then it's got to be a good thing. From what you've said about your situation you've got precious little to lose tbh!