Help! DD1 is starting to really hate school.

[Swaliswan]

Forgive me for being very new to this whole parent-of-a-school-child experience, but, I am getting to the stage of tearing my hair out with DD1. She has been assessed as very able (I doubt that she is truly gifted) and she is starting to struggle with going to school. Many tears have been shed (both hers and mine) over difficulties with school.

It seems that the main problem is that "it's too easy and so boring" and DD would be happier "if school was harder". We've had many conversations and it seems to me that she is getting very de-motivated. She has new targets for reading because she is so far ahead but the teachers seem to have failed to see that she is just as able in maths and she is generally bored and unchallenged. She has realised that the "naughty children" get rewarded for occassional good behaviour unlike those children who are consistently well behaved.

I have tried talking to her teachers and will do so again. But, I don't think that she is ever going to be continually stretched in class as they seem to struggle to deal with having a very able child in a class with many children who are below average in attainment.

Is there anything I can do? Are there any good phrases that I should be using when discussing this with the teachers? Are there any other tactics for encouraging the teachers to keep up with her?

OK, I'll be honest, ds had a patch when he was bored and my strong feeling was that he was actually struggling at that point, not unchallenged - it was the first time he'd hit stuff he couldn't do easily. Just a thought.

Who are her friends? Is she doing OK socially?

How many levels of work does the teacher set in numeracy sessions? Ds's year 3 teacher routinely has to set six levels of work to cover the range of ability in numeracy (poor woman). Is your dd choosing the top level (presumably yes?) You could ask the teacher if your dd is doing this (choosing the top level) and see what she says?

Have a look at the G&T policy for your school?

DD is in reception. She does not get to choose a level of work, she has the work set for her. I know what work they are doing and she has been able to do this for a long time. The only reason that I think they haven't realised that she can do more (particularly in maths) is because they have never tried to push her. They recognise that she is far ahead of her peers but haven't tried to assess her true capabilities because they don't have to (their words, not mine!). The fact that she is assessed as being so far ahead in reading is because I took in some of the books she had been reading at home and they realised her ability.

OK. i would look again at the g&T policy then and see what they are supposed to be doing for their G&T reception children.

I would also find out who the Maths governor is (and possibly think about joining the governing body myself in order to become the maths governor!)

I am on the governing body but neither maths nor A, G & T were up for grabs! The policy is currently under review because there is no longer support from the Government for G&T.

We're in a fairly similar situation, except that DD here isn't bored yet, but is quite demotivated. And it's not sorted, either, by a long way, mostly because I don't think it ever can be in a reception class with a broad spread of ability, which is what we have too.

But don't give up on a) going in and telling them about it, esp if she is demotivated. In our case the teachers are more willing to listen to this than to stuff about ability. But b) also, keep telling them what she can do - every so often I hand over a list of the books dd is reading. They can't see that in class, so they need to know.

I would be more worried that they are saying they don't have to do anything about assessing her. You might try asking how they are assessing her progress as they do have to do that. Do you think this is the right school more generally - or do you not have a choice? And what different work are they doing with her now?

One of the problems I think, is that it takes teachers a long time to see beyond 'oh, advanced child' and actually appreciate the level a more unusual child is on. We have just about got to that stage with the class teacher (who has now admitted that she is not able to differentiate adequately within the class for DD), now we are working on the g&t co-ordinator. By the time we've got that sorted, we'll be back to explaining to a new Yr1 teacher. I can hardly wait.

I would be concerned about the disruptive kids in the class. This could get worse as they get older and be a drain on resources. Maybe your dd is unhappy because she is not with other children like herself. We were firm believers in sending our child to the local school but we ended up moving him from a low achieving school with a broad mix of kids to a "posher" one where there was little disruption and lots more children who were motivated to learn, and who had parents who opened the book bags.

@ Niceweather