How can I help my 6yo ds deal with school issues?

[Pooka]

Firstly, apologies if this ends up being long.

Secondly, I know that it is not a major issue in comparison with other people. I am not boasting or bragging.

I am concerned that ds is unhappy and I wish I could wave a magic wand to help him.

He is 6 years old and in year 1. Currently working at 3c in literacy (specifically reading comprehension and writing). Maths is very good too (though not evidenced in school so much - see below). Has guided reading with year 4 group, and spellings and reading comp exercised with them. Reading age assessed at 11 years when he was 5.

He had an excellent reception year. Amazing teacher who really boosted his confidence. Was happy and enthusiastic.

Year 1 has been hard work. I think the teachers (job share) see him as a bit of an enigma. Not really getting the vibe that they like or understand him. He parents evening last week and while literacy good, and writing has improved to meet his reading ability, the teacher I saw suggested that he is pretending not to be able to do more complex maths. She said he is rather grumpy and does not engage with her. She wondered whether there were problems at home that were making him unhappy (no) because she felt it isn't him responding to boredom or work being too easy. She also said that the other children were completely unaware that he is different in any way. She felt that he is disengaged.

I had a chat with him and he clammed up, and so I left it. But over the course of the week he has been saying things like "I wish I didn't have to go to get books from year 4". That he is "embarrassed". Tis morning he said that the other children have been calling him "mr scientist" and saying that he knows everything. He wants to not be clever and to not be good at anything apart from football. He doesn't want to do hard maths. The only thing he likes about school is the break time football he plays.

I feel terribly sad that already at 6 he is feeling different/separate. I said that he should just say "thanks" because I remember the same happening to me at secondary school. But he's only 6 and not brimming in confidence or self belief.

I am now getting really worried because I was thinking earlier on this term that the teething probs of transition to year 1 (fact that the teachers had no differentiation in place for ds, hadn't spoken with reception teacher or senco etc) had been ironed out, and that the situation may improve next year with a new teacher might not be the case. What if he has the same issue in year 2 and beyond? What if his feelings about school and himself are not just a blip?

I should say that dd (now in year4) has had a lovely time. No issues, happy to be at school, geled with teachers and so on. They are very different characters though, and now I'm left thinking that I'm going to have this sense of disappointment for the rest of his time at primary school.

I will speak to his teacher today to let her know that I suspect that he is disengaging from school because of his feelings of embarrassment. What else can I do? Any advice would be welcomed!

Thanks for getting this far. :)

Could a selection of Y4 books be put in his classroom? Is it the end of the world if he isn't doing the harder maths stuff - he will come to do it eventually anyway? He's six years old - of course playing football is more important to him - sounds like he is a normal kid!!!

Oh I agree that the football is a brilliant thing for him - he's suddenly got into it, it's sociable, it makes him happy and it's a "normal" pastime. (compared to his other slightly obsessive interests). :)

But if that is the only thing that he sees as positive.... well that worries me a bit more.

I think what I am most concerned about is that he isn't happy (apart from for one hour of break times a day) and his embarrassment is causing him to disengage from actual lesson time.

First of all encourage him to learn to kick with his non-dominant foot as well as his dominant foot. My DH encouraged DS to do this and this greatly increased his popularity in being picked to play football (and reduced the "boff" teasing). Being able to score goals with both feet really does make you very popular!

If he is embarrassed about getting books from Year 4 then as RedHelenB has mentioned ask if a selection could be put in his room. As for not wanting to do hard maths - I assume it's because this too makes him different. Again can the differentiation be done in the class without comment? In year 6 my DS did the class maths (incredibly quickly!) and was then, without comment, given other maths to do. We got through primary school with the forms for home education in the drawer (DS stayed in because of the football, DD came out in Year 6 after representing the school in Country Dancing at a Festival - the Country Dancing Club was what had been keeping her in.) For my son we used the school as a resource for the art, sport, drama, etc. and we did "interesting maths" at home during the years where it was not supplied in school. We didn't follow the National Curriculum but picked things which interested him - we had great fun with geometry.

Excellent advice re kicking! He's improved heaps in a few weeks from clumsy to a bit less clumsy! Being good at football seems to have huge currency amongst his friends and so he seems to be practising all the time. When he's not kicked all available balls over the fence that is....

I will ask about them keeping some year 4 books in his classroom, though the teachers are very protective of their libraries! Also I think the year 4 teacher quite likes catching up with him - he happens to be the senco and also does his guided reading etc. but I think it would help.

You know, I actually think the teachers are trying to be low key and to not make him stick out - and I'm happy with that. A lot of the problem seems to be on ds's side. He can be a bit eeyore like - rather glass half empty. He is rather sensitive to embarrassment and I think he's a bit self-conscious. The school were thinking of moving him up a year at the end of reception but they concluded that tht would be social suicide for him, because despite his academic stuff he actually isn't very socially mature or self confident. So I think I'm probably doing the school a bit of a disservice. But it is hard when he's showing signs of unhappiness.

Little things do seem to be helping, like giving him plenty of opportunity for booting the ball around, letting him have packed lunches (what a drag) because queuing for hot lunch wastes valuable play time and so on. Hopefully s just a phases and he'll develop a harder skin.

Have thought about home ed but concluded that would be a recipe for disaster and loss of sanity on both our parts!!!! . And he does love seeing his classmates.

Football - yeah !

Maybe try getting him to look outside himself more - find out who the class artist is or who is learning an instrument or who shows kindness and teach him to recognise different people have different aptitudes. I know he's young but if he can learn to be generous to others achievements a more celebratory culture could follow.