Do your bright children ever get picked on because they are praised in class?

[sittinginthesun]

I only ask because I have just had a conversation with my mum about DS1 and I feel about 10 years old again!

DS1 (year 3) is a bright boy, works hard, enjoys school. He told me today that he was singled out by the teacher, who told the class that he'd done something exceptionally well. He's quietly pleased - enough to mention it, but he's run off to play now.

I mentioned it to my mum, who called just as he'd finished telling me. Her reaction was "better not happen too often, or he'll get picked on".

My school days came flooding back to me - too scared to put my hand up, deliberately getting questions wrong in tests etc to "fit it".

I told my mum that dcs' school is not like that, and that the bright children are popular and well liked by their peers. She just made a sort of "hhhmph" noise...

It has all changed, hasn't it!?! Just hoping that my school was particularly crap, and that my parents were particularly anxious about me being picked on.

DD1 had problems in Yr 3 and 4 at primary (3-tier) because in her year group of about 55 children there were only about 4 who were seriously ahead - they all got it, not from each other but from jealous children. When she went into Yr5 and middle school she was in a group of 16-17 children all working at that level (about 2-3 years above average so good but not exceptional) and nobody picked on any of them because the group was too big - it's a very strong year cohort, they're now in Yr6 and are very tight knit. It also helped that she got control of her new longer limbs at around that time and got good at sport, and that she discovered a real talent for art.

DD2 is now in Yr 4 and she is also in a very strong cohort, to the point where in her year there are 8 or 9 children working at that level, and there is no bullying. She'll be in that school until Yr6 (we are going 2-tier) and the current crop of teachers seem to handle keeping the social mix together really well.

I went to a mainly middle-class comprehensive. It was very unfashionable to appear bright or to work hard, and yes I was picked on. I learned to party hide my love of learning :(

partly

Sadly - YES!!

I posted a thread a little while back in the bullying forum - I'm pleased to say thanks to the School, the whole matter has improved a lot, but much of that is down to DD coming to terms with it all & taking things less personally - difficult when it was actually her core group of friends that were picking on her for "special treatment", Show off" Spoilt (by Teachers) etc, So yes very much down to jealousy of her achievements in School & out, even the head saw their was jealousy involved & my DD sounds a lot like your DS - loves School, loves to learn

We've never mentioned her G&T status to DD, I've seen friends with older DCs reactions over other G&T DCs & realised then, that as much as we are very proud of DD, its best to play it all down - twisted world we live in when its almost shameful to be perceived as clever :( - but sadly IME your parents aren't wrong

Another vote of sadly yes from me as well. Dd always been on g&t too and it was just one girl (apparently her best friend) who was always the one saying "bighead" , "nerd" and whatever. All other children lovely and looked up to my dd and called her smart but in a nice way and they used to ask her questions and how do you spell so and so. BUT dd did not like to put her hand up in class because of the so called friend. She even told me this so i spoke to teachers. They were great and knew she was quiet anyway, so in the end they always just picked dd for answers and that seemed to work. Even now that she is in high school year 8, her teachers still know she is quiet and doesn't like answering so they do the same, although no picking on by any children. And yes, rockinhippy, you are right to say it is almost shameful to be perceived as clever. I was told by one parent that children should never put their hands up in class else they would be picked on. Such a shame. It happened to her dd.

Not at all. And his school is v good at praising academic achievement. It is however very good at praising all sorts of achievement, and I think that is related.