Those of You With G&T in Secondary Schools - How Do Their Peers Relate to Them??

[rockinhippy]

I'm asking, as DD - year 4 is G&T across the board & she already suffering with bullying problems from her friends - it's not purely as a result of her being G&T - which isn't something we've made a big deal out of, nor her - we didn't tell her or any other parents, it came out as a result of a G&T trip - but it is in part the reason for her current problems IYSWIM :(

Things like one of her friends kicking off & getting angry with her after seeing her entry for a School competition, first off saying how good it was, followed up by a full on rant at her about "whats the point in any of us entering anything, you always win" followed by you didn't do it, a grown up did - then ignoring her all day & getting others to do the same - she's had a few incidents like this & I've noticed this sort of thing gets more frequent as she gets older :( & it's upsetting for her & is putting her off even trying with some things for fear of upsetting people

Senior School can be a nightmare at the best of times & I'm just wondering how your G&T kids cope with it - are they organised in a way that it's not an issue?? or does their cleverness make them more of a target for their less gifted peers who are prone to bullying -

I went to a Grammar School, so there wasn't such a wide variation in ability, so though bullying of course existed I don't ever remember clever kids being targeted because of their ability - DH went to Secondary, but wasn't at the brighter end of the spectrum, so we don't have any really relevant experience to go on IYSWIM

I ask because DD has health issues aggravated by stress & of course this is affected by bullying, so though for several reasons, we aren't really that enamoured by the idea of sending her to a local private Grammar School, we are wondering if perhaps we should go that route as her ability in a normal secondary School might make her more of a target & therefore make her ill - especially as she's also very pretty & generally very popular, which also seems to be working against her ATM :(

How do your G&T kids cope at Secondary level ???

TIA

Sorry to hear about your dd, my ds is g&T across the board too. He is Yr 11 now, his school set in all subjects so he is in top set, Being with other kids of the same level has helped, he isn't the odd one out, there is a class full of kids,he isn't top in every subject any more. he has never got picked on for his academic stuff. Because he had problems in primary. When we were choosing his secondary school we went and looked at them when he was in year 5 without him so we could ask all the questions we wanted to and then went back with him in year 6 to see if our impression of the year before was still the same or whether it had changed. Have you talked to the school, are they aware of the issue especially as it affects her health? She has two more years, hopefully things will get better but they may not so some thing needs to be done now. The fact she is pretty, generally popular and clever, you're right will make her more of a target.

So sorry to hear about your dd rockinhippy. I am a single parent with a 12 year old dd who has been g and t since primary (although we never knew anything about it until nearly the end of year 6 as we were not told). She was never bullied or singled out by any of the children in any of the years. They always looked up to my dd and called her "smart" but never anything nasty. She is and always has been a lot bigger than others (tall and overweight) but this has never brought any bullying either, thank goodnes, even now at high school. But the parents were quite nasty. There were some who thought that they were posh but were just ordinary and these parents used to sneer and ignore us. Sometimes i could catch them saying stuff like "who does she think she is thinking her daughter is brainy?". Hello, she IS brainy, and other petty things mentioning me being a single parent etc. During primary school dd used to have the biggest parts in school plays and assemblies but i never heard any moaning about it. During lessons she did her work and then was asked to help others, such as maths and help with some who could not read properly. I wasn't impressed really by this and did say something. At high school dd was put into set 1 for all subjects except for p.e and dance and her targets were set at 7c in year 7 (even p.e and dance??!!). All the top set classes are regarded as g and t although children are not registered. We have letters about school trips which say "our gifted and talented children" etc which may be slightly better trips or just a little further travelling, but apart from that i haven't noticed anything and neither has dd. Dd now in year 8 and have not had any worries over bullying and her friends that she made in year 7 (no-one went with her from primary) are not all in top set and are lovely to her. Can't think of anything of any use to you really. Hope it all goes well.

at letters home to the top sets saying "Our gifted and talented children". Do the other children not in top sets get letters home saying "Our average children" then? If any of my DD's continued to be classed as G&T in secondary - which is farcical in itself, but don't get me started - I would hope that their chosen school deals with things in a bit more of a tactful way.

In my DCs big school there are enough people that the truly G and T (not just those labelled as such by school) have a chance to find other interested in the same things.
Although I did have to get one letter signed to recommend my son as G and T to do an external course last year, but the organisations definition of G and T was less than the schools.

Oh dear . It sounds to me as though your dd hasn't picked very good friends. It's nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with her friends' personalities and insecurities - and your dd's lack of an effective method of standing up for herself. She might well be happier in another school, but not necessarily - it really depends on whom she mixes with... I went to a state grammar school (all girls) and I'm not sure you could find a bitchier environment if you tried. Didn't mean everyone was like that, though...

Hi iamnotminterested. I know what you mean about the letters, yes. Also on the school newsletters it will say something like "on xx January a group of our gifted and talented children went to xx to see xx" do you see what i mean? I always wondered what the "other" parents said or felt when seeing these type of letters. There is also a g and t co-ordinator at dd's school but she said she hasn't seen her so i don't know what she does, whether she organizes the trips maybe. The children who are good at dance or pe or music are also classed as gifted and talented, as they are in that field. To be honest, g and t doesn't do or mean a lot, does it? Just extra homework, higher targets and helping at school is what i see at the moment. Anybody know any different?

:( to hear that RockinHippy.
DD is y5 & top ability in both sport & academics & doesn't get any such grief from her friends; I suspected she's lucky for it. She gets the occasional "You must be tutored" comment: annoying, but her friends know it's not true and help to squash such nonsense. The school does things to celebrate cleverness, like they had one rep from each class to do a whole-school maths contest so of course the whole of each class united in cheering on their own Rep. It also helps that the school paired DD with other very clever girls, they can face down such comments together.

My impression is that most secondary schools stream & set so much that being superclever/able stands out less than it did in primary school.

Is she exceptionally gifted or is it a very small school, causing her to especially stand out? DC primary school has quite average results overall, but big enough school that there are many very bright individuals.

Ds was hero worshipped in secondary school probably because he used his considerable talents to run rings around the staff.
On one occasion where he was really pushing his luck and I had been called into school repeatedly to discuss the latest in a long line of scams and pranks I threatened to remove him from the school and send him elsewhere. That evening I had probably upwards of a hundred young people at my front door begging me to give him another chance and assuring me they would stop egging him on.
He was though hated by the teachers in the most part for making them look foolish although he still says they were the best of days and we can laugh now at the stunts he pulled.

Thank you all for your replies, it makes very interesting reading & is very reassuring :)

I was also lucky enough to be out with friends we've not seen for a long while over the weekend, both with older DCs at local state secondary School, first off it turns out that our post code puts us in the catchment of ONLY the 2 best Schools :) NOT another bad one as I've been previously told by DDs primary Friends Mums - both of which they reassure me are brilliant Schools & they've gone through how each works & the options available etc etc & again all VERY reassuring - we don't get a choice here, Schools are allocated - they are also going to give me the heads up on open evenings, so we can go along & have a nosey early, which will help with any decision making :)

& also I'm beginning to realise that DDs current problems are in part due to the competition between DDs bright friends, so keeping her in with only similar ability DCs wouldn't really solve the problem - as you say its down to her friends & ironically because she has stood up to the ringleader & refused to join in with the bitching & bullying others - sticking to her guns has had her go through hell this last couple of weeks, but thankfully the School are being supportive, or at least seem to be so far.

Also ironically the ringleaders mum has expressed that she's thinking of sending her DD to the private Grammar, as she's worrying about her going off the rails as her older DC did when they hit secondary School & the way things have been recently, the further away I can get DD from said DC, the better - shame though, as I actually thought she'd turned a corner, having had her her a few times before Xmas, she really seemed a much nicer DC than she had been before & I [put her previous behaviour down to mimicking her off the rails teen sibling - I got that one wrong

thanks again :)