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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

hi ladies

20 replies

youngsymumsy · 16/12/2011 22:25

Evening! Like a lot of mums ive been net searching gifted and talented and this board pops up in search results! I think my son is still too young to really say (he's 2 and 7 months) but following yet another strange tantrum - he stood up in his nativity today and told all the other children after every song to stop singing and telling the adults to stop clapping - combined with his learning etc I started searching on the subject again after someone else suggested it to me.

I just wanted to know your guys experiance really on behaviour when they were of pre-school age and how you dealt with it.

bit of background DS has fab memory, and by 2 he could read his name, pick those letters out from the alphabet, he could count things easily up to 20 etc etc, reads all the numbers clearly from sight. I once broached the subject with another mum who was really suprised and I never mentioned it again! I dont want to be a 'compare kids' mum as I know they can all even out in the end, I know he is bright and I dont push him, when he takes an interest we go for it, like a lot of 'bright' kids he knows all his shapes, colours and his vocab is excellant, knew at least 50 words at 17+ months and now talks in sentances and properly generally. Childminder and others comment on how he is more advanced for his age in lots of areas. I've checked him against the factsheet on NAGC this evening and he apears to show all the signs. I dont want to make an issue of it at the moment just pleased at how he's progressing.

His bahaviour however also seems to tie in exaclty, he doesnt get on great with same age to the point he seems to be bit horrible sometimes! much prefers older children, massivly independent, extremely bossy, sense of humour amazing, at two he joked with me 'Daddy, come here' with massive grin on his face! If I say, ummm im not daddy, he would say, okaaayyy, Grandad come here! Still does that now when he fancies it amongst other things! I was suprised to read about the sensitivty thing, he loves the feel of bare skin! LOL to the extent he asks me to take off cardi for cuddles! LOL His tantrums are awful, to the point ive left tots groups crying. When other kids are sat there nicely eating bics and having thier drinks he's the one having an uproar coz he doesnt understand why he's not allowed three bics and not just one, or for other reasons I dont know! And like the nativity thing today. I just dont see other children acting up in the same way he does as he is sssoooo over sensative. He would collect up all the 'trucks' at tots group and not let anyone else play with them...or all the diggers in the sandpit.... you can see in his eyes questioning everything if that makes sense. He is a right monkey.

I've made an effort this evening to make a list of ideas of extra things we can do next week and hoping that its possibly a boredem thing and try and keep reallly busy, but ive avoided groups for the past few months as was getting to the point that frustrations would set in after 10-15 mins and would just have to leave feeling like the other mums are looking at me like 'whats the matter with him!' Starting pre-school has been good for him and he's been there three weeks now breaking up today.

Anyone else had similar experiances and how did you help your little ones at this age with frustrations/behaviour?

I might be going in the wrong direction here but any comments would be appreciated.

Thankyou very very muchly!

Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 22:30

I'd ignore how bright he is and concentrate on helping him improve his behaviour to be honest. If you do it now it will save you years of stress and worry in the future. Have you spoken to your health visitor?

winnybella · 16/12/2011 22:31
BluddyMoFo · 16/12/2011 22:32

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BluddyMoFo · 16/12/2011 22:34

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youngsymumsy · 16/12/2011 22:34

I havent no, but would be the best place to start with behaviour......I have tried ignoring it but it doesnt go well.....for either of us! LOL

Oh Winnybella! Why sit on hands! LOL xxxxx

OP posts:
youngsymumsy · 16/12/2011 22:38

Thanks BluddyMoFo thats what I thought to be honest.....a lot of it is normerlly around me too....eg mums there so I can do what I want.....it was a friend of a friend who has an exceptionally bright child that mentioned it which led me to the old 'google' machine!

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 22:38

If it's not working then it's time for a rethink. Smile Honestly though, his behaviour and social skills is something that you need to help him with now. It's far more important then learning the alphabet as it's going to make your (and his) life a lot easier in the long run. Smile

youngsymumsy · 16/12/2011 22:43

Thanks xxxxx

OP posts:
Joyn · 17/12/2011 00:02

Hi, my dc3 is around the same age as your ds & is a challenge at times. She is very bright, but in some was I think this just makes things harder, as she is so certain about what she wants & can't be swayed or distracted from her plan.

My best advice is to communicate clearly with him. When they are bright, they sometimes need to know why they have to do something, (this worked well with dc1). It doesn't mean you are justifying your decisions to him, just helping him understand the world around him & letting him know you understand what he's feeling. Oh & as they are still so little, don't forget a hug can work wonders. Verbalising what they are feeling for them (eg I know you're angry right now, because you'd really like to finish your colouring, but we have to go out now or we will miss the bus. Let's get ready now & when we get home we'll do some colouring together,) really helps too.

EyeOfNewtToeOfFrog · 17/12/2011 00:35

I think you're quite right to ask why your DS seems 'a bit different' from other kids - it really really helps you as a parent to understand why the world is different to your DS than other children. Trust your instinct on this, work out what he's good at (he seems very bright from your description Smile), and what areas he needs help with (sounds like he struggles with the social side a bit). It's not too early at all to be aware of your DS's needs.

Also, be warned that giftedness (if that's what it turns out you're dealing with!) often comes with other issues - problems such as auditory processing disorder, dyspraxia, autistic spectrum disorders. I'm not for one minute suggesting your DS has any of the above - but if your DS is reacting in unexpected ways sometimes, it might help you to be on the lookout for clues. (I have a gifted DD with APD - and I wish I'd known about the APD years earlier tbh.)

I second Joyn's advice with clear communication, and would add 'put in cast-iron boundaries' - what you say is forbidden must be always forbidden. No exceptions. Bright kids learn too fast how to manipulate grown-ups! Grin

Good luck with him, he sounds lovely!

RedHelenB · 17/12/2011 09:20

Sounds similar to my ds age that age & tbh most active mischievous boys!!!

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/12/2011 09:33

What is his social interaction like?
Does he play with other children or tolerate them playing next to him?
Does he seek out the company of other children or adults?

How is his eye contact? Does he look at you even when he is not asking for something e.g. a drink or food?
Is he happy to go along with what you want to do or is he only motivated by what he wants?
What is he like with noise? Does his behaviour get worse in noisy, stimulating environments?

Put the brightness aside for now. If he is G&T he always will be. If you do not support him with his behaviour he will struggle however clever he is.

Work on sharing with him. If he is bright as you say, you will be able to play games with him and explain the importance of sharing. Get him to chose and turn take.
Make it fun.
Ball runs/click clacks are good for this. He puts a ball/car in, you put a ball/car in and each time you say 'mummy's turn' & 'xxx turn'.
Recruit a friend with a child to join in when he is ready.

youngsymumsy · 17/12/2011 21:40

Thanks everyone you have been really reassuring....explaining things to him properlly has worked very well before together with if he doesnt do something I want, giving him two options to pick from gives him the idea that he has some sort of independence in what he is doing together with getting him to do what I need! I think ive realised I need to put more effort into this myself instead of getting into a situation where we are both stressed out and I'm just saying 'no!' He is very loving and adores cuddles! has two older half sisters he adores and plays well with, plays well with the childminders children so I think it's more down to people he doesnt know and noisy social situations........i think the behaviour with children the same age has been down to the fact that they havent always been able to talk back and you see him talking to them and desperately trying to get some sort of conversatin back! LOL and being very noisy and a right monkey like most boys! his turn taking has come on well in recent months and he seems to understand better now.

We went into town this morning xmas shopping and I made huge effort to explain everything clearly, why we were doing what we were doing, where we were going next and next, even when I said we had two more shops to go to before we were going to get a teacake he knew in the last one what was coming next! He played up slightly but all considering he did amazingly well and I was so proud of us both!

So all in all I think It's me that needs to do a bit more work!!!!

xx

OP posts:
iggly2 · 18/12/2011 01:55

Help him with socialising, be strict if he is not sharing.

Tanith · 18/12/2011 13:24

My DS used to hate songtime at school and nursery and would tell them to stop clapping, too. I worked out that it was the noise that he couldn't stand - it actually seemed to hurt him.
He's exceptionally gifted (nearly 12 now, so we do know Wink) and has perfect pitch. All those kids singing out of tune was driving him mad!

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 13:36

I would spend a lot of time helping him with socialisation. It sounds as if he spends a lot of time with adults and is used to them excusing him-DCs won't.

TheSecondComing · 18/12/2011 13:45

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 16:45

If he is a bright child he ought to be able to understand that he can't just stand up and say whatever he wants to say. I would hope that if he is set on disrupting things you just pick him up, take him out and tell that he can go back in when he is quiet.

belledechocchipcookie · 18/12/2011 16:52

I've taken ds home early from treats on more then one occasion because he's not behaved. Your son needs to learn that he has to behave.

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 20:24

This is why you get threads where younger siblings are banned from nativity plays-parents think it sweet, rather than removing them if they can't get them to keep quiet.

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