What to expect from nursery

[AbbyR1973]

Dear All,

What should I expect from my DS1's nursery?

He is I think quite bright, although unclear if he is gifted or not and I'm not sure how important the label is. Mostly I would like him to be allowed to progress at his own pace. He was 4 a week ago. He read books to the equivalent of ORT stage 3, recognises 50+ words by sight, knows the 42 phonics "sounds", does addition of simple numbers in his head etc. Etc. He asks complex questions e.g. what is gravity?, if the moon makes the tides, why doesn't the sun have an effect? He is highly detailed in a narrative of what he is doing for instance he would find it impossible to just say he was going to the shops to buy some shampoo- he would HAVE to describe preparations before leaving, the exact route, finding the item, paying for it, putting in a bag and getting home again!! Above all he is a stickler for precision!
I saw nursery in Sept and they said he had completed the EYFS curriculum and that it was all now very difficult and they had to be careful because he would "get bored in reception!!" Actually I doubt DS1 would ever be bored! Since then very little seems to have happened. He comes home from nursery and says he "doesn't do work anymore" (what they call one to one time with the key worker) They are specifically very keen NOT to support reading!!
I do what I can but I work full time. I'm very happy for him to spend most of his time playing but think he should get the same amount of one to one as the others and that time should be something appropriate to his abilities.
What should I ask for? How can I do this diplomatically without being too pushy??
Thanks

Has he got all of his important preschool skills down pat?

Can he take turns, share toys, wipe his own bottom, get dressed & undressed fully independently, eat most anything without help? Is his speech comprehensible to perfect strangers? Can he sit quietly & still, not bothering other children, listening to adult instructions for up to 4 minutes, even if he finds the adult patter boring?

Is he generally willing to follow adult instructions?

Does he recognise (reading) all versions of his name, long, short, and surname?

Does he know how to control his emotions & approach an adult for help if another child has upset him (rather than hitting back or similar)?

Don't worry if he's not there yet, most of them still struggle with at least some of all that.

Thanks for your reply.
A year ago I would have said no to some of the above although he has always been an independent little character wanting to do everything for himself (sometimes too much so!!)
I have a 17 month gap between DS1 and DS2 so in the last year he has also had much more interaction at home as well as nursery as DS 2 has become more interested in interactive play. He is very good at sharing and turn taking because I insist upon it at home.
He has been recognising his name since he was just about 2 ( DS2 also now picks out his own name) we play a game of finding their coat peg when we go into nursery. He has toilette completely independently for 6 months to1 year in terms of bottom wiping. He is confident interacting with adults and in the last year I have seen him blossom into a sociable boy with his peers too. He talks about his friends at home. He can also of course have his moments of being silly and naughty like any 4 year old.
My worry is really that he used to love nursery and over the last few months some of the enthusiasm has waned. He used to come home and excitedly talk about something he had been doing. He valued his one to one time.
As I say I am very happy that 95% + of his time at nursery is playing and having fun with the other children, the problem is what they are doing with him the rest of the time. I don't really subscribe to views of fitting children into neat little age boxes, I think they should be supported to develop at their own pace.
We do what we can at home but I am a single full time working mother.
I just would like to know how to approach nursery about this.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying pretty much what you have said here - could he please have some one-to-one time as he really enjoyed it and now feels a bit despondent about not having any, like the others. Surely they could at least play a board game with him, just to make him feel the same as everyone else?? Perhaps you could also ask to send stuff with him from home (would books be cheeky, I wonder? sanity check my suggestion, everyone please!) If your DS turns out to be G&T this is what you might end up doing in subsequent years anyway

If you approach it with an attitude of 'this is a problem, how can we solve it in collaboration with the nursery staff?' rather than 'you're failing him - buck up your ideas!' (which by the sound of it you wouldn't anyway!) then the staff will be much more willing to creatively problem solve and brain storm with you.

He sounds absolutely lovely and bright :) good luck with it!

if everyone else is having one to one time, surely he is entitled to some one to one time too? it does not even have to be maths or language, it could be focused on one of the other 4 areas of the eyfs curriculum. have they assessed him as achieving all eight points in all the 13 strands? if not they could work on the ones he is not achieving. there are also options for moving onto skills needed for point 9 on the scale.

is he one of the older ones in nursery?

Thanks again for your helpful and kind comments :-)
I am proud of him as he has been a lot through the last 2 years (hence me being a single Mummy) and he's come out of it a mature and sensitive little fellow.
Yes BlackEyedSanta he is one of the older ones (end of November birthday.)
The nursery he goes to is supposed to be very good (outstanding ofsted) but I often feel there is a lack of information coming out and the twice yearly parents evening have changed to annual ones.
I know it must be challenging for nurseries because they aren't trained in the same way as teachers. I have to say I was aghast about a year ago when he came home from nursery and said "Mummy we don't call it a train we call it a choo-choo." I think partly I find it challenging on a personal basis as I would dearly love (not a hope of going part time with a mortgage to pay!) to have more time to do things with him myself (and I don't just mean academic stuff like reading and maths.)
I think as eyeofnewttoeoffrog says I will try to take the collaborative approach with them and see if that works if not..... not sure. It would unsettle him to change nursery at this late stage but DS2 has just under 2 years there before he goes to school.)
I'm going to have a detailed look at the EYFS curriculum too to see where I think he measures up against the different levels...maybe there are ways they could give him more depth within it too.... but surely this should be the nursery's role?

Thanks again
Abby

is he at nursery full time?

I don't think that all nurseries find the EYFS curriculum too much of a straitjacket. Certainly with DD, the nursery were very good at differentiating and, while she learnt to read herself, they definitely taught her a lot of her writing. But that was a Montessori nursery, and I think they have a good reputation for working with all abilities and not just ticking boxes.

With two years to go, it might be worth thinking about changing, because that is a long time to be dealing with that kind of attitude. The choo choo thing is just the kind of incident that would leave me fuming (we've had similar things with school, funnily enough, but never nursery).