How do I help my bright son?

[Memoo]

DS is in year six and is working at level 6 occasionally a 7. It was parents evening yesterday and his teacher is delighted with him as am I.

At the moment we are applying for high school but tbh our circumstances mean our only realistic option is the local comp.

We live in council house in a relatively deprived area. The high school is situated in the middle of our estate.

The problem I have is that I'm worried DS won't achieve his full potential there. His teacher mentioned grammar school and private school but that simply isn't an option for us.

What do I do to help Ds? I feel that I'm letting him down. He could have such a bright future but I'm not sure the local comp is going to help him reach his full potential.

Why is grammar not an optiion?

Because to be truly honest how can I put my child in a school where he is going to be 'the poor kid' the one from a council estate? I know it doesn't matter but kids can be cruel.

Also we're not prepared enough for him to sit entrance exams. Don't kids get lots of tutoring before hand?

If the teacher mentioned grammar school then i'm sure she would help you see how you could achieve it.

how would you feel if he decided to apply for oxbridge later on? would you discourage him because you don't think he would fit in?

the whole point of grammar schools is that the academically brightest get in - a lot of parents try to get round this with tutoring etc but your ds is a prime example of someone who deserves a place so go and get it!!!!

if the grammars are fee paying they sometimes have bursarys which you can apply for. the bursaries help with a number of things such as travel fees school meals i believe. they assess your eligibilty by looking at your finances.but the sooner you start looking the better. the open days may have passed but you may be able to ask for a tour of the school outside of these times. i wouldnt rule out grammars if you feel they could help your son.

i live in an area which is also 'deprived' and the local schools have done alot to raise standards for the kids and quite effectively. dd is also bright so i was more interested in looking for somewhere that could stretch her. she didnt like the sounds of the schools i chose. in the end i let her decide saying she would have to make what she could of her choice and if not i would move her.

she has just started yr7 and so far she is having fun and is working hard .

what does your son say about the choices available?

This doesn't seem to make sense. Where do you want him to go? If grammar's an option then try for that.

If not, then local school with some tutoring. What's he most interested in?

This is a whole new world to me so I feel a bit out of my depth even thinking of grammar schools but of course if he is capable I'd love fir him to go. I've just been look on the website for Manchester grammar school and it looks amazing!

He is really passionate about history. He loves to read too, we can't keep up with him he reads that much. His teacher says he excells at maths although I wouldn't say this was one of ds's favourite subjects.
He is really sporty too. He currently plays football for our local teams under 11's team. He likes playing rugby too.

So do you think it's worth persuing grammar school? We'd have to apply for a bursery though as we really don't have much money.

Eek, I don't know what I am doing at all!

Should have said Ds just wants to go where ever his friends go which is to the local comp. Don't get me wrong I don't think it's a bad school, my dd is already in year 8 there and it suits her very well,

The grammar schools here are free state schools. They have a mix of "wealth" in the children there.

which area do you live in? there is also bolton grammar which is a very good school.

make sure your son wants to go. my sister told us only a couple of years ago that she flunked the 11+ test as she wanted to stay with her friends . although she is doing really well at uni now. shes 21

M/cr grammar isn't a grammar like that Soupy- it is an independent, fee-paying school, though they do offer bursaries, I think possibly even 100% in some cases.

I do think his teacher could have mentioned this before now though! The exams for grammar have already happened in our authority I think...

if your looking in the manchester area they only happen in january (i think) i know bolton is definatley jan. my sister sat hers at manchester around the same time but that was a long time ago now

Those are private not grammar despite the name. Parts of greater manc have grammars (state and so free) or you could apply for a bursary. Might suit more to go to local comp for eventual uni entry - who knows by then?

Those are private not grammar despite the name. Parts of greater manc have grammars (state and so free) or you could apply for a bursary. Might suit more to go to local comp for eventual uni entry - who knows by then?

First of all, I would go and see those schools and speak to people who know them.

Do you know of your own knowledge that this particular private (grammar) school is one where poor children get bullied? My dh went to a well known private school on a bursary: he never had any bullying whatsoever but had a lovely time and nobody cared who was rich and who was poor. (he did however fail his GCSEs but he recognises that was because he was lazy and didn't listen when the teachers tried to push him- I have seen his school reports and they seem to bear him out)

Do you know of your own knowledge that the particular comprehensive you have in mind is one that does not have provision for gifted children? Go and talk to them!

I think you should be brave and encourage your son to help choose a grammar school you both like - his teachers wouldn't be mentioning it if he wasn't capable!!!!

If he does end up having a dreadful time (which I'm sure wouldn't happen anyway!) I would imagine it would be easier for him to change back to the local comp if required, rather than the other way around. Who knows, he might equally well struggle at the local comp if he's the bright kid....!

Go for it.

I've had a look at the exams at Manchester grammar school and your ds will need to pass an English, maths, verbal and non verbal reasoning exam. The english and maths exams contain areas not covered by state schools by year 6 and so he will need to be taught them and he will need to practise the tests to familiarize himself with them. The exams are IMO on the hard side of 11+ but if his teacher thinks he has potential and could help prepare him the go for it. I agree with you it looks like a fab school

Memoo. PLEASE GO FOR IT. I was in the same situation as you are now. Dd very bright. Primary school nagging me to get her into private education. On a full bursary it would have been. But let me tell you what happened to me and don't let it happen to you. In year 5 dd was gaining level 5a sats as she also had from year 4 as she wasn't allowed to take a higher paper. When the local independents had their open days i phoned them to make an appoitment. Thats when it started to go downhill. Woman on phone from school office asked the first question of "which school does dd attend at the moment?" . I told her and thought she was going to have a heart attack. We are on a council est (not a rough one i might add - mostly old people) and the school is about 15 mins away although not rough. Woman on phone told me that tests to get into HER school would be given priority to children already at private schools. I mentioned the fact that she was way abover her friends and that her head teacher would be writing a supporting letter. I also said what would happen if dd got an amazing score in the tests. I was told that priority would be given to children who are already at a private school. Again. Even if dd got 100% ? Yes. They take preferance. I told the woman that this didn't seem right and certainly not fair and was told that dd could take the test if she wanted to at x amount of pounds "just to see how she gets on" At that point i told her that bright children are getting left behind again and told her to stick it. Don't let this happen to you Memoo. If you all want it so bad then go for it. I wish i had persevered now but it did put me off and thought what it might had been like if dd went to one of the privates. She is still thriving though and is now in year 8 and still finds school easy and gets level 8 in some subjects like maths , english and science. Her high school actually puts forward children for a bursary in the final year of school so you never know! Good luck.

Just to say if he's already in year 6 I think the exam is in January. So you've got about 10 weeks to get him ready, use the Bond books to familiarise with tests , the school also gives out sample papers he could go through. It's quite common for private schools to charge parents for their dc to take the entrance tests I suppose it makes sure you turn up on the day so don't let that put you off

I think the best option is to get ready for the grammer school exam. In my imaginaton, grammer school may be even better than private school as all the kids got to be good enough to get in not their parents bank statements.I don't think extra expensive tutoring is necessary, but get some books to review, to practice. Don't worry about your living area.You should be very proud of your DS!!

You may have seen me on the documentary "growing pains of a teenage genius" and will have seen my sons school. That school is the local high school and has been fantastic.

Both my wife and i went to grammar school and have looked into this for cameron.

The are good high schools and bad high schools but there are also good grammar schools and bad grammar schools. Dont write off all state schools just yet!

Rod, you said in a previous post you went to private school and on here you went to grammar school. You then acuse me of boasting but mention the documentary on every thread. Please stop a acusing me of being a troll when your posts are very troll-like!

Memo, I would be more worried about bullying from the council estate kids if they see your child in a different uniform. This was certainly my experience growing up. However, I would never withold an opportunity from my child that could affect his long term future. He could get bullied at the comp for being clever and he could stop trying to perform well. Better for him to be teased about going to a posh school! Would you consider a boarding scholarship?

Well obviously your ds is very very clever, and motivated too, he can only gain A at GCSE, if he is working at that level now, even a bog standard comp would be enough for him to be getting full a at GCSE .

Unless the comp like mine was completely shite and only offered double science and intermediate Maths, then I don't see the problem.

There were so many kids in my Maths, Chemistry and Biology classes at sixth form from the posher schools who had obviously been coached to within an inch of their lives and struggled greatly at A-Level, my best friend got A* at GCSE yet an E at A-Level, another highly pushed and tutored girl had to change courses as the C she got in an internal exam troubled her so much.

I think the gap between GCSE and A-Level is quite narrow at the start tbh. I was basically starting from scratch in my sixth form due to the crappy crappy school I went to, but still managed good A-Levels.

If it is a good high school, then let him be a big fish in a little pond, will do wonders for his self esteem .

Coleger, there is nothing boasting about a tv programme showing the problems we face on a day to day basis. We made the programme to help people and thats what we plan to do.

I refer to the program because many people have taken comfort from seeing issues their own children have faced.

And yes i went to a private grammar school what is wrong with that? If you wish to look it up is is Campbell College Belfast.

My DS went to state primary school, got scholarship and bursary to private prep school aged 9. Our expreience is that to get a bursary of any reasonable amount your DC must be capable at scholarship level before they will dig into their pockets. However, I would say "go for it" as you won't know unless you try. Don't allow yourself to feel intimidated, just remember your child has potential and if they see that and want him, they will find a way to make it happen.