To tell or not to tell the school....

[dnmama]

Our ds had lots of negative comments from school last year ("never shuts up", "talks at lenght about things that interest him", "can do the work but does not finish his worksheet" "doesn't seem to listen but then knows what is going on" etc). A friend suspected all this was down to him being quite intelligent so we had him tested and indeed, his IQ is 150 - "highly gifted".
We are at loss as to what to do with this. His achievement at school is not great. He is in the bottom half of his class (YR 2). Shall we tell his teacher - not to get special treatment, but for her to understand him better? Or shall we not say anything and continue to give him lots of lerning opportunities at home? Are there people out there who have gifted children and have not said anything to the school about it?
Thank you.

Hi Maya347
this sounds a lot like our ds. His high IQ does not translate into great academic achievement either, but he displays a lot of the characteristics that you are talking about. Also, the psychologist told us that in most cases, when the parents believe their child is gifted, this is indeed the case. I would have her tested if I were you. It helps you to understand your child better, and you become more patient with their little quirks, even if (like us) you then hesitate to tell the school. Also, don't wait: I wish we had him tested when he was in reception rather than now in yr 2, when his "school persona" will be more difficult to change.
We went to Joan Freeman. The assesment was £350 and the report £300.
Good luck, let me know what you decide.

Your DS sounds quite like my DTS age 7 who have a similar IQ. I shared the results with the boys and with the school. I felt that the report (make sure you give them the percentiles - as previously stated as it helps to crystallize it with the teachers many of whom will not encounter another child that bright, for a decade) legitimised my concern for what went on and altered the schools response to me/the kids, however, it probably had minimal impact on what they are actually taught.

On another note for others considering IQ testing, our Ed Psych was about half the price, (£300) and we were very happy with the service.

Good luck. I'm finding that the IQ issue actually poses more questions than it answers!

Sigh. Here I am again and despite all the supportive comments on here, we still have not mustered the courage to talk to his teacher. We feel so alone with all this. We are so afraid that it might make things worse for our DS rather than better. Would the teacher have to keep this information confidential if we asked her to? I really do not want other parents to find out. Help?!

Hello again!

It is a tough one, whether to tell the school or not. It depends on whether things are going in the right direction for you & DS or not, I would say. If things are slowly but surely getting worse, or bumping along the bottom - what have you got to lose? Is your DS happy? Is he enjoying learning at school, is he working at the right level?

And have you spoken to the NAGC? They have an excellent advice line who will be able to talk the options through with you.

Things are getting worse I would say. He often seems nervous and ill at ease. He says he is happy only at playtime, not in class. He has 2 close friends and doesn't really mix with the other kids. He is at the bottom of the class (not the lowest table, but the second lowest table). We will need to do something...

Not sure he is working at the right level, he is level 1b/1a and is in Yr2.

please tell the school dnmama.
Iam in a very similair position to yourself and am currently awaiting a meeting with my dd's school,in the nicest possible way,it does'nt sound like things could get any worse anyway and as eyeofnewt says what have you got to loose?

if it can't make things worse, then telluing the school seems to be more of an option.

to be honest, i am not sure I would believe you if your ds was not performing in school, and you told me that he was really bright unless you had some sort of evidence. teachers can get a bit cynical you know but you have evidence.

i would hope that in future, I may take more notice of what parents say. there has only been one child with parents who thought she was more than the average she presented as. they were a bit intense. they did not bring me any evidence or tell me that she could do xy or z at home. i hope that I would have investigated if they said she could do such and such to see if it was true.

Dear Dnmama
Sorry to read that your son seems more unhappy. As a teacher I can honestly say I would much, much, much prefer that your told the school. We can only work with children with the information we have about them.

From what you have said your child's behaviour is not all you know it can be and he is unhappy and underachieving. If these issues were coming because you had been told in the testing he was dyslexic would you even be hesitating about telling the teacher?

Talk to the teacher and tell her why you are giving her this information: not to excuse your son but because you think it is a factor in helping to explain what is going on with him in class. Ask her for advice on how to motivate your child. Teachers may not always have a lot of experience recognising the highly gifted but we have a lot of experience motivating children!

Treat your son's teacher as a partner in this issue. I think you are nervous about approaching her because we are afraid as parents we will be seen as boasting, pushy or making excuses: if these are your concerns share that with the teacher! Tell her how nervous you are about sharing this information and why.

Tell her how you don't want your son treated (excused for bad behaviour etc.) and ask her how you can support the school in getting him back on track/understanding the classroom expectations.

Before the school can begin providing work for your son's potential he also has to be motivated to use it, so I would definitely approach the school in this way to share your concerns. All you are doing is sharing relevant information about your son's learning differences with them. If the teacher is (as I would hope) a caring professional she will respond to your concerns appropriately.

agree with adoptamama. HOW you approach the teacher is very important.