Advice please.....

[Tw1nkle]

Just picked daughter up from nursery (she'll be 3 in november), and they want me to get he 'health visitor' involved because she isn't interacting with the other children!!!

I'll obvioulsy contact the Health Visitor, but wondered if anyone could give me any advice too!!!

My Daughter is a happy little girl at home, talks non-stop, plays happily etc. She is the only child in the family (and extended family), and only wants to be with adults.

She knows other little children, that she has known since she has been born, and I have always been socialable with her - but she has never shown any interest in other children!!!

Now the Nursery are thinking it's an issue - any advice please?!?!

I have a circle of 'mom' friends, that I met at a gruop for new moms, two weeks after my DD was born.
We regularly meet up, most weeks, and rotate whose house we meet up at. it's been great to be honest, and we are all really good friends, there is 9 of us, and a few now have second kiddies too, which is great.

But my DD will not play with any of them!!! She's always been the same - just sits next to me, even when they come to our house, she just sits and watches them play. She does seem to enjoy them coming round, and is always happy to go to others houses too - but she won't play.

None have older brothers/sisters either, so that isn't an option.

My DSs are always better with one or two children than the hordes that come with the situation you just described. Nine mothers, nine toddlers, a few babies; sounds quite challenging for your DD.

Dd was s bit like this as a toddler and yes, she has turned out to be gifted, but tbh I don't think the giftedness was causing the problems: she became very social a year or two later, still is extremely social and has never really seemed to have a problem with interacting with people with different ability.

I think it was more a combination of slightly late social development and physical lack of confidence (hypermobility).

she sounds like my dd who is 5 and gifted(however i do also think dd is on the spectum somewhere too as she has quite a few quirks and a few obsessions)
we tried playdates,after school activities,everything you can think of and nothing worked.
we have just come back from a week away where dd spent the entire time avoiding any children that tried to befriend her,she doesnt really like other children or understand what makes other children tick,she will often ask me to explain childrens behaviour and finds it really hard to understand why children find things fun.
I have now stopped trying to push interactions and am just letting dd do her own thing,she is a very hapy little girl who can interact but just chooses not to,interestingly dd has an equally bright/gifted/quirky friend in her class who she interacts well with so this is how i know she can interact if she chooses to do so.
You may find your dd interacts more as she gets older but you may find she doesnt,in my experience i would just try to go with whatever your dd is happy with dont try and force the issue.

ooo hypermobile too.... try to find out about occupational therapy for handwriting, she may need it when a bit older, but we had an enormously long wait for an assessment and then appointment.

Twinkle your dd could have been mine before dd1 went to pre-school. It sounds as though because the other children are not so verbally able and she wants conversation, that she is probably becoming absorbed in her own world. Does she have good imagination? Emotionally she is still only two and therefore cannot understand why the other children don't communicate like her or play less complicated games perhaps i.e. peepo would be boring for her with a baby, whereas later on at 5-7yo she could do this and see the fun side. She does need social skills which is very important. The other issue is that many only children are used to 1-1 adult interaction and company and often have become reliant on the adult for stimulation. Is she encouraged to entertain herself sometimes at home or are you her play buddy most of the time? This can also explain why she expects to pair up with you or an adult at play sessions.

Meant to say that dd1 hasn't been labelled but is very ahead in several areas now aged 5 and is very sociable Things improved dramatically when she went to school and like MrsShears dd my dd1 found a gifted/quirky friend to play with.
To be honest it is human nature that people gravitate to like minded people and it is no different for children. If one child doesn't 'get' the other, then they are not likely to be socialising together.

Ah Chilli, I can't think how many times I have said to dd1 that if she bosses her friends then they won't want to play with her!

Hi Twinkle, your little one sounds very much like my dd2 when she was the same age. Now 5 years old she is much better socially and school have recognised her as gifted (not that this was the reason for her being more sociable of course! She just felt comfortable in her surroundings after a year of school and opened up more). When younger she used to take herself off to bed and wait until her friends had left! And didn't interact with the other children at preschool but did with her cousins because she had known them all her life. At times people asked me why so sad etc but at home with just us she was talkative, busy and very smart.

We have a much older dd1, now aged 19 who was labelled 'a loner' at primary school by her awful teacher- she is gifted musically and has a fantastic social life with lots of friends. She didn't have any issues socially or with behaviour at home or school, it just took her longer to feel comfortable with people and she always felt older than her peers in her school year. Now dd1 has older/same age/younger like-minded friends chosen by herself not simply the ones she was put into a class with and expected to interact etc.

DD2 on the other hand is now very challenging at home after being fairly easy for years and has certain behavioural problems only at home (almost like terrible twos!), doesn't fall asleep until ridiculously late but is perfectly behaved at school(not at all tired next day, any thoughts on that one anybody?) all this since starting school. We do have very happy times of course and we are learning to handle her quirks.

I think the point of my post is meant to be - that any number of professionals can have an opinion on your child but they never really have time to get to know the real little person, dd2 seems to have a split personality for home and school! There is plenty of time for mixing with other kids and you seem to have done everything right, some children just take that little bit longer then others. Children also change so much in those next few years, I am surprised your daughters nursery have gone so far as to suggest involvement with a HV at this stage, so many kids play alone or alongside each other at her age! I wouldn't worry at all too be honest. Good luck and remember you know your child best!!

shezzle I am so pleased to have found someone else who's dd takes her self to bed when friends visit . I have never met another dc who does this and have found it really embarrassing when dd1 has asked for the person to come and play, then disappears to bed!

captaincrocfamily It is very odd isn't it! I hae never found anyone with the same thing going on either. We are not alone- nice to meet you heh heh

Ah, you too! If you live near me we could have a peaceful afternoon with them both in their bed ROFL

captaincroc dont feel obliged to answer this but what area do you live in?

Is your dd in my dd's class? South West?

no we arent in that area,i was wondering if our dd's may be in the same class and friends.

yes I did wonder that myself from your earlier post.

captaincroc That gave me such a chuckle, peace and quiet ahhhh whats that again? I mentioned earlier about dd2 not falling asleep until some ungodly hour, not that I mind too much but would like an early night myself occasionally.

WELL- I just have to tell someone this- got a kids relaxation cd from amazon that night out of desperation (always been a little skeptical of these things) based on quite a few glowing reviews and only one not so- the one unhappy reviewer said 'my daughter ended up hysterical, screaming -that voice, turn it off!' I still ordered it anyway . It bloody well worked, first night tonight she was sound asleep within 20 mins by 9pm!!!! It may have been through sheer boredom but am hoping tomorrow is as good!

thats a right result shezzle! We seem to have dc at different ends of the sleeping scale - my sleep round the clock v can't sleep:won't sleep

It's working again!!!! Am listening to 'that voice' as I type, would like to shake that woman by the hand heh heh. Our dc are funny croc, no doubt there will be plenty more odd things to come. I just love their questions too- this mornings offering' Do goldfish ever get sad mummy?' I imagine it stems from the fact they seem to live alone in bowls? We don't even have any pets as yet. I think it would be emotional to say the least if we did! Do your dc's feel very emotional over certain things, dd2 gets so intense about odd subjects more so than I think is 'normal'! I thought it may be part of the brainy thing, over thinking etc

yes we definately have a drama queen Gets very disturbed by unfairness such as x was allowed to take all her pencils in every day and not get told off, even though it wasn't show and tell, and nobody else does' (in floods of tears about this) Then CM said she was going to take the dc down to the woods for a walk prior to school, but after school told them it was to the field ......cue dd1 having a melt down because they weren't going to the woods as planned and she wanted to see the frogs (which we kept going to see in the spring) but they would be dead because the water had evapourated out of the trough because it has been so hot!!!!!

Am right there with you on the drama! People give me really funny looks at times when i am trying to explain my way through melt downs in a calm manner to dd2 . She takes things so literally and it is hard for others to understand these episodes are not simply tantrums. Dd2 also has to 'finish' everything before we can leave anywhere for example a family art and craft session we HAVE to finish the thing we are making even if the school is closing and there is no-one else left!

The most bizzarre one this week was in the supermarket, we had seen Nanny beforehand who gave dd2 a squeezy yoghurt which she scoffed in the trolley. When finished I took the wrapper and popped it in the bin...dd2 let out a piercing scream and said' I didn't kiss it goodbye!' I had to fish it out(disgusting I know but it was just a waste paper basket for receipts) so she could give the thing a send off. If I hadn't it would have been terrible. I think it must seem like over indulging which is what my mother says but it just wasn't the same as with dd1 in that way, do you know what i mean? You just know it is so serious to them and they are not acting spoilt. Dd2 genuinely 'feels' everything. Dd1 does too heheh just incase she reads this and feels left out

lol. My DDs are the reverse of yours.
DD1 very high maintainance as you describe your dd2
My dd2 is getting more highly strung but not as much as dd1 but yet she is more touchy feely, whereas dd1 is more sensitive to things like criticism, failure, losing friends iyswim. DD2 is more the social butterfly type and about as deep as a saucer