Chess

[crw1234]

Hi - I am not sure if my DS is gifted etc but thought you might be able to help - DS is 5 and has an enthuasim for chess but gets cross when he looses - any thought on ways he can practice to get better - mini games or something

Do you mean get better at chess, or get better at losing? I suspect chess is like many games and the key to getting better is to play lots and from those games you actually learn more by losing games than by winning them (ie playing people just slightly better than you are is probably optimum).

hmm, can you fix the game so he wins more? (can't help on that, I am ok but not good enough to throw the game un-obviously, and too competitive anyway!).
Never had this problem with ds, he didn't seem to care about losing, just wanted to play again.
He is getting quite close to beating me now, so I think I will be the one having the hissy-fits!

I then taught him drafts a couple of years later at about 6 and I think I told him it was easier than chess. I won the first game and he had a total tantrum about losing - I was gobsmacked.

It's an age thing, I think. DS used to be a dreadful loser when he was that age - embarrassingly upset and angry about it. But he is now absolutely fine.

I think you either just need to wait for him to mature a bit, or make a point of playing lots of games where the result is largely chance or only partly due to skill (snakes & ladders, uno, basic card games, that sort of thing) so he gets more used to the idea.

Losing at chess may be a big deal because it requires a lot of concentration and a relatively long time, but losing a five-minute card game (and then playing another few times and winning a few of them) is not such a big deal. I don't think letting him win on purpose is very helpful long term.

If he has a DS game he can play chess on that - setting a basic game level may allow him to win and loosing would be vs the DS game not a real person.

hehe. My DD doesn't have the emotional capabilities for a game called 'frustration' - she just doesn't do frustration very well.

There are mini games with chess. When I was learning we had a 'Learn How To Play Chess' book that I went through with my dad.
And it had little games like just having one rook, one knight, one bishop in opposite corners with three pawns in front. And there were several similar exercises that helped with getting familiar with the whole game and were little games in themselves. I can't remember the actual name of the book but have a look around for something similar perhaps.

Here's a link on how to win in 4 moves. Shown as a rap performed by a 10 year old -

My son learned to play by having a complete set of pieces whilst I only had a few. If he won I would get a piece back for the next match and so on - until I won - at which point we would start again.
This had the benefit of making both of us play as hard as we could and his victories being real. It also allowed him to measure his progress over time. I really have to think to beat him now with the full set.
Have fun.

it's just an age thing - they do get over the losing strop, honest. (the more they lose, oddly enough )

ds1 just played against his sisters at that age (one older, one younger) but it was only him that threw a strop if he lost. if it helps, he was exactly the same at monopoly and all other board games at 5. he's much better at 9 - can lose at chess without an end of world scenario developing!

at 5, dd2 just got bored and didn't want to play any more if she lost. as the youngest of three i was more worried about that than the losing strops of ds1 tbh. and if dd1 lost (as the eldest) she cried for an hour.

on balance, i think the strops might be easiest to ignore!

oh, just realised you want to cure it by getting him to win every time instead

ignore me... nothing to see here.

although - being able to lose magnanimously is a good skill too, y'know. dangers of perfectionism and helicopter parenting on the horizon?

Practically all 5 year olds are dreadful losers - it's nothing to do with being gifted or about it being chess. You might get more responses on the behaviour/development board.

I don't know a 5 yr old who isn't a bad loser-they have to learn the skill of losing gracefully. I don't think it helps to always let them win. I explained it by saying 'where is the satisfaction if you won because someone else deliberately lost'. It takes time. Get him to play with another DC the same age-lots of 5/6yr olds can play.

Don't always let them win. And only if you can do it undetectably. NEVER let them realize you've done it. And model being a good loser when you get beaten in a game by dp or older children.

Sometimes when I am playing chess with my children I turn the board round if I am doing too well, and they take over from me.