Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

weekend activities taking into account age gaps

7 replies

marl · 04/03/2011 21:29

Would really welcome any input on this one. Have a 9 year old very verbose G&T boy. A second family with a new partner and our two much younger children who are significantly more chilled out. I'm realising I'm dreading the weekends DS1 is at home. He is 'occupied' for half of one of the days because of a sports club, but otherwise finds it difficult not to be 'entertained' all the time. He has a lot of one to one time at his dads alternate weekends so maybe this emphasises it. To be frank my DP finds him difficult, I find it tricky, and when he is in the whole family he wants to dominate the whole proceedings in quite an alpha male way. We have one family friend who has the same gap of kids so this works OK as they are all amused. Otherwise if we just 'hang out' at home we can't play board games easily without little ones interfering. We can amuse the little ones easily at parks/zoos etc but DS1 is generally bored and verbal about being so. Any ideas? How do any of you with big age gaps between kids manage at the weekends. DP seems reluctant to 'divide up' and amuse them separately. I seem to be piggy in the middle most of the time and struggling. We don't have lots of family locally and I'm reluctant to do big day trips to places with two littles ones and all the organisation and timings that that entails to make things go smoothly.

OP posts:
lovecheese · 05/03/2011 09:37

I think you do need to divvy up the time. If your son is at his dad's for alternate weekends I do not think it unreasonable to say to your DP you take A nd B to something fun, and I'll do the same with C. I have 3 DC's, the age gap between oldest and youngest is 7 years (thankfully all the same sex which makes things slightly easier) so I do appreciate what it is like to keep everyone happy, G&T or not.

cory · 05/03/2011 09:41

Partly by divvying up the time, partly by telling the disaffected one very firmly not to be selfish and spoil everybody's pleasure (and threaten sanctions if he does not comply). In our case it's the youngest who is the bored alpha male- but funnily enough, he is about the same age as your ds1, so perhaps it is an age thing. Just a thought. He is not g&t by any stretch of imagination. His sister who prolly is g&t is far easier to amuse- but then she is 14 and a whole lot more mature.

marl · 06/03/2011 08:52

Thanks both of you. Yes Cory I do try the very firm telling but he is unsquashable I have to say! We had some success yesterday by me writing down 3 things everyone wanted to do, with no guarantee that they would be met - but then I could point out that he had done two of his; it helped him see that other people had some needs...we'll see how long it lasts.

OP posts:
exexpat · 06/03/2011 21:07

Get a dog - then you can all go out for healthy walks at weekends. It's one of the few things that my DCs (12 and 8) have been able to agree on since we got him a couple of years ago.

The idea of a list of things everyone wants to do at weekends, and taking it in turns to have your request granted, sounds like a good idea.

In the meantime, if he is being grumpy while you are off doing other things, can he not take a book/DS/iPod or similar to occupy him while the little ones have fun?

Also, by the time DS was about 10, I started leaving him at home for short then longer periods while I took DD to various activities - I'm a lone parent, so the choice was to come with me while DD went to ballet, swimming etc, or stay home with the dog and a book/homework/tv or whatever. But it depends when you think he is ready to be trusted on his own.

exexpat · 06/03/2011 21:09

The other thing that works is to invite a friend of his age along to join in whatever you are doing - it ends up being less work for me if we have an extra friend or two, rather than more. But this may not work for outings if you are driving and don't have a big enough car.

marl · 07/03/2011 20:29

Thanks exexpat. Car thing will be OK as we had to get a bigger one. He has a nice friend that's a girl and her family at least reciprocate at weekends so that is probably something we should cultivate!. I can't say I am totally easy in the company of the couple of boys he plays with at schools - they seem quite hard work too and when they are round at ours they hang about as I think they are just on the computer at their own homes but I guess I should make more effort! Home alone for a bit is worth a try.

OP posts:
exexpat · 07/03/2011 21:14

Friends are good! Also, even though your DP is resisting it, maybe you should point out that most families do divvy the children up at least some of the time at weekends, specially if there is a big age/gender difference.

When DD was little and DH was still alive, he often used to take DS off somewhere for a boyish day out (often train-related) while I did something toddler-friendly with DD. Or vice versa (I got to be quite a train expert too). Your DS could probably do with a bit of 1-to-1 time with you sometimes, and it might be good for his relationship with DP if they did something just the two of them sometimes as well.

Oh, and I think a lot of boys go through a rather irritating, loud, I'm-the-centre-of-the-universe phase at that sort of age. Mine is growing out of it, at least some of the time. I find that giving him a reasonable amount of individual attention (playing a game, going out somewhere, even just curling up together and watching something on TV/DVD that is too old for DD to watch) does help reduce the attention-hogging behaviour when other people are around.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread