How can I hothouse my G&T hamster?

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Today she greeted me in French then proceeded to serve me a breakfast of coffee and croissants - the croissants were warmed! (I kid you not). After our meal she loaded the dishwasher, ran me a bubble bath and laid out my outfit for the day. She truly is amazing - all the items of clothing complemented each other brilliantly, she just knows my style.

She then drove me into work and did the shopping while I was at my desk, and I came home to a clean, tidy house with dinner in the oven - roast chicken and vegetables! She even made her own gravy and then put the cat out so we could eat in peace.

I'd be a bit worried that she's only mastered one foreign language - perhaps your first step should be to introduce Mandarin, Spanish, Russian, Latin (to be spoken as a living language) and perhaps chinchilla.

Keep us updated. x

How old is she? Hamsters have a pretty short lifespan, so TBH unless she has secured a place at Oxbridge by the time she is 6 months then it is probably too late. My hamster was taking Mandarin and Suzuki violin lessons within a fortnight of birth, if you want the best you really have to make that kind of commitment. Of course all MN hamsters are gifted in some way, even those who stare blankly at their excercise wheels are actually quietly contemplating Socrates

Hilarious! What else can she do? I would've thought by now she should be developing musical skills. If not she doesn't stand a chance of getting into Oxbridge you know.

Wasn't there a hamster in a pot of stew once. At the time I thought it must have been a pretty stupid troll hamster, but now I realise it ws obviously g+t and making dinner.

OMG I'd forgotten I'd started this thread! Socrates (that's her name, Jemima! You're clairvoyant!) took me on holiday to the Maldives (naturally she built and flew the plane herself). So we've just got back from the winter sun - bless her, she caught a tan and spent the first week writing a book on Safe Sunning for Hamsters.

I am a little concerned that we've not got her into Oxbridge, though. She's eight months old and just didn't get along with the violin - she kept telling me (in Portuguese) "I'm a jazz ham, honey, I cain't be fiddlin' around with no fiddle, fo' shizzle!" I sternly warned her to snap out of the jive talk and get her bow back to work but she wouldn't have it. I fear that her strong will is going to ruin her chances of an academic career! What should I do?

Arf at womble!

Can I add, by the way, that thus thread is in no way a pisstake of genuine G&T threads.

Seriously, your hamster sounds like the perfect wife!

no way a pisstake of genuine G&T threads.
There is a stong contingent on mumsnet who are anti-anything G&T. Posters talking about a really gifted child - or even a DC who is "merely" gifted as described by the G&T programme - are prime targets to be abused, patronised or derided.

I took delight in the fact that your thread was being widely ignored because pisstake seemed to be the only motive you could have had in starting it.

On doing a bit of research into your posting history, however, I find that you may not be part of that anti-G&T brigade here to tell us that our kids aren't as smart as we think ....and "the important thing is that they are happy".

Perhaps a moderator can move the thread. I's very presence in the G&T section is, to me, a pisstake.

The original post appeared when another poster flooded every forum promoting a tutoring group.

Remember when every single message that related to any kind of tutoring, exams etc from years back was resurrected!

This message was meant as a joke around these messages at that time and the comments were a light hearted mickey take.

It was appropriate at the time of posting because every page was filled with messages from one poster

c'mon dudes it's funny : )

cheered up my grumpy mood, thank you!

see i thought dadatlarge's post was a pisstake too, have now realised it's serious. oh dear.

Funny? I see nothing funny about it. My hamster is gifted I tell you it's just a shame the DC aren't

My hamster is gifted. It survives bloody anything, even an attempted escape and being brought back to me in the jaws of my staffordshire bull terrier!

Aww wouldnt it be weird if we had moderators. They could strut the threads like jumped up prefects...

Oooh oooh MNHQ I wanna be a jumped up prefect moderator! gwan let me!

We actually had a gifted hamster once. We found it running across a road just before midnight, having escaped from somewhere

We didn't know what it was but on inspection it was definitely hamster kind.

So we took it home, bought it a cage (got one off a friend actually) and it did amazing things. It dug a hole through a cement floor under the toilet and lived there for several days.
It would climb the stairs regularly and go down again too (plop, plop, plop)

It once stood stock still on the table, lifted its little arms in the air and made what looked like a declaration, not sure what of but it was very impressive (squeak!)
He was called after the then culture secretary, Nicholas Ridley. (don't ask me why, I do not know)

He was killed while scaling the dizzy heights of my bookloving sister's bedroom.'Our Mutual Friend' fell on him. He lived about 30 seconds after that.

A noble end to a glorious career. RIP Nicholas.

"I's very presence in the G&T section is, to me, a pisstake"

I's? My hamster can spell better than that

Did I mention he only had one eye, as well? It fell out spontaneously one day and was stiched up by the vet for the staggering sum of £1.62.

Speedy, more tales of your hamster please.

Fantastic.

But my hamster can trundle in a wheel

The electricity generated not only heats our house but we also sell to the national grid.

However her reception teacher doesn't recognise that she is so talented and only allows her 27 ORT reading books a week. She is so talented that I am having to subscribe to a private postal library for her.