Bright but poor listening skills

[fannyfoghorn]

Hi, can anyone give me any advice on how to help my son? DS is 5 and in reception. I had concerns about how he would fit into school as he is a little 'eccentric' (ie very verbal, enthusiastic and a little overwhelming for some children) also he has been a free reader since he was 2.5 and is very keen on physics so tends to be a little obsessed!

I was concerned about him starting school as I knew he was already very ahead of the curriculum in terms of reading/maths/science but wanted him to go for social reasons and also his writing skills are only average for his age. He is a reluctant writer but has improved since starting school.

He just had his parents' evening and the teacher said that everything was fine except his listening skills. She says he doesn't listen to anything she says. I would definitely believe this to be true as he 'tunes things out' if he is uninterested. We often tell him off for this ourselves.

My problem is this. I think his listening skills are poor because he is unstimulated at school. He can do all the work already (apart from the writing). However I feel he SHOULD listen to the teacher - but how can I motivate him to do so when he is not interested in what she is saying? I know he definitely can pay attention when he wants to; I have taken him to science lectures and demonstrations for older children and he will sit happily, listening to every word, with his hand up for all the questions.

I don't want to home educate him for the reasons I have already given plus he tells me he likes going to school. They are putting him into a group with a TA to help him learn 'speaking and listening skills' (his speech is excellent). The thing is, is there actually anything wrong with him? I feel like he should listen to his teacher but what is his motivation? As for getting his work extended, the teacher does what she can. He has skipped the ORT reading scheme altogether and is on novels plus he has special maths targets. (They haven't done any of the scince that he is really into; I don't suppose they will do for years).

So what do I do? In years to come he will need to listen but right now he has no reason to. What can I do to help him?

Sorry this is so long!

Sounds like a fairly average 4 yr old! Music lessons will help.

Perhaps he's not listening for three reasons: because he is busy day dreaming of other things, and why not, and because he is only 5 and has not learnt that school is about sitting down and doing what you are told in a little classroom with everyone else, and finally he has decided that the lady up at the front is not important. Nothing you can do but wait for him to mature. He is only 5, its fine! Also you will be amazed, within 18 months plenty of his peers (girls I'm afraid) will have caught up with his reading and he will not be alone. Just keep doing maths sums with him for a few minutes a day, and take him to all those lovely science museums. My son could also confidently read and write before starting school, and is a maths ace, and struggled to work out what to do in reception class, but just sit tight, and wait for him to mature for a year or two.

I can't really offer very useful advice, both my DDs found reception a trial, with the endless "carpet time" surrounded in their case with a majority of children who couldn't speak English, say ABC or count, so they weren't listening either. The "guided reading" (taking turns to read a text, very, very slowly) they get later makes my dds suicidal. The motivation for them was "golden time", in which they got to do what they wanted if they stuck out the boring stuff.

They did have a very good teacher I believe who asked them specific questions aimed at them at intervals, to pull them back in. Maybe this teacher is trying that and getting no response with your DS? It's a skill that the bright ones have to develop, keeping alert enough to respond but inevitably the whole class content is going to be boring-everyone has to deal with a bit of boredom at some point. It's boring for a lot of the class, for different reasons-for some it's too hard. The speaking and listening sessions might help him, and I second doing extracurriclur music. Try Suzuki method if you can find a teacher.

My DD was almost exactly the same as your son, fannyfoghorn, although not so hot at the maths and very strong at writing.

We went through the exact same listening/paying attention issues that you are experiencing. At school, in both YR and Y1, the SENCO spent extra time with her to try and help improve these skills and gave me practical exercises to do with her at home (mainly involving carrying out instructions). I did them diligently, although I'm not sure they were really much help - some kids are just made that way, I think...

She still has problems with paying attention - she is your classic day-dreamer of a child who is in a 'world of her own' most of the time - but she now understands that she needs to pay attention at school, even if she finds a lot of what the class is doing quite dull. I guess that just comes down to maturity.

Just out of interest, does your son completely panic if you shout at him to get his attention? No doubt you are an excellent parent who never resorts to such measures, but I find myself doing it after the 10th time of asking nicely and being completely ignored, and my DD gets really startled and panicked by it. (Blimey: re-reading that makes me sound like the Wicked Witch of the West!!) Just curious!

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it: in reality, there's really no such thing as a normal child, is there?!

WKmum I DO shout and yes he gets very startled/upset by it. He gets really sucked into his own world and is obviously very shocked by me shouting at him - he often cries if I do it (which is rarely but sometimes I really lose my rag when I've had to say the same thing ten times and he is blithely ignoring me). DH says DS takes after me and has a 'rich inner life' and that is probably true. I live in my head too - the difference is that DS takes after DH with the high IQ whereas I am dreamy and thick!

Ah Fannyfoghorn - you are living my life!

This probably sounds awful, but I don't think I've ever managed to understand my DD at all: I am her polar opposite - loud and dumb!

Obviously, I love her to smithereens, but I do wonder where on earth she came from at times - possibly from another planet!

Good luck with your DS!