dd still not stimulated, I'm tearing hair out now

[kistigger]

I posted on here a few weeks back wondering how long to wait before making a fuss that my dd (just started reception) isn't being stimulated. The problem is that it appears to be of her own doing.

The teacher seems very understanding and wants to give dd somethings to do but dd doesn't want to show her teacher what she can do! I know she's not a performing seal but this is taking the biscuit! She doesn't want to force dd away from her friends to do specific activities as this may make her feel more aware of her abilities compared to her peers. She wants dd to choose to do them! dd in class refuses to go to the writing table or do any of the numeracy activities in the classroom by choice because none of her friends are, she also is doing a lot of baby talk so that the other children do not twig how bright she is.

When she started reception, I pushed for a reading book, so we agreed on reading level 3, before any of her peers even got a book... and has now skipped ahead to ORT level 6. The teacher is sending her home with a note book and a task related to her reading book to test her comprehension but also to encourage her writing so her peers don't see her doing them!

The tough bit though is her behaviour at home is getting worse, and although it's not particularly naughty as such it is all very out of character for her, which a sure sign of under stimulation in her case!

dd has IMO completed the foundation stage curriculum, well the parts that I can test anyway, ie the numeracy, literacy and reading elements.

What I want to know is:
-Does anyone has any suggestions of how to tackle this?!!
-Any advise for getting her to step up to the tasks in the classroom so the teacher can assess her more efficiently.
-What activities I can do at home to stretch her mind.
-Or for that matter how I can discourage the baby talk.

Sorry massive post but I'm going insane!

I think your dd is doing what feels right for her as she is trying to fit in with her peers and until she is more confident there is no real point in pushing it tbh.
Ime the baby talk is a recurrent phase in all children and whilst bloody irritating it will pass and isn't really doing any harm.
Is there no other kids at the same level as her in the class?

In terms of other children... she's the only one in her guided reading group (where they read as a group). She is in a group of more advanced children for phonics but is quite a bit ahead of them! As for anything else I'm not sure, teachers aren't really allowed to tell you much either cos of teacher/pupil/parent confidentiality!!

So she's deliberately playing down her ability, but is she actually bored and/or miserable at school? Or is she happy?

I think you might be over thinking it a little. Over the years I have known a variety of children that are off reading scheme in reception. Some are able enough to write long stories with paragraphs.

Have you tried starting a musical instrument to streach her outside of school. Providing extra books from the library might help. TBH it sounds as though the teacher is doing quite a lot to help. If she is happy I wouldn't worry.

Also, most parents notice behaviour changes when their children enter school. It is a big change children need a year to settle.

I may be overthinking things and I don't want to seem a pushy parent or anything!!

She seems relatively happy at school. And yes I believe she is deliberately playing down her ability!

I was expecting to see behaviour changes, however this looks and feels the same as it has done since she was 2... that if we don't stimulate her mind in some way each day, after about 3 days of doing none she plays up really badly! It sounds really silly, but we have always noted that her behaviour is dramatically worse when we do no 'numbers' or 'letters' with her!

I don't mind her only playing at school... I don't have issues with that side, it's the behaviour side I'm concerned about!!!

Musical instrument sounds like a good idea, any suggestions on good ones to start with for a 4yo.

We do loads of library books, most the staff know her. The reading isn't stimulating her mind in the other areas which is what she needs at the mo.

You may find that her behaviour changes are due to overstimulation and tiredness, I know my dd went through this in Reception.

There is such a lot to learn when you start school, aside from letters and numbers, there's making friends, following new rules and routines and taking in all the information that is blasted at you all day long. My dd was off the reading scheme in the first term and could write and spell well. This meant not only was she absorbing all the verbal information, but was reading all the signs and notices, not just in her own classroom, but all around the school. She came home exhausted and for a while became quite aggressive. She was tired and needed lots of time to play and unwind.

She doesn't need to perform for the teacher, the teacher will soon get the measure of what she can do, even if she never visits the writing table. It sounds like you have a fantastic teacher, trust her to do her job.

I would second a musical instrument my dd started on the violin when she was 4. It has been great as learning generally comes very easily to her, and it is teaching her that some things in life have to be worked at.

I would also suggest violin. You could try to find a suzuki group.

In reception a teacher should be able to get an idea of her abilities through whatever she plays, that's the point of play based learning. She doesn't have to visit the writing table, the staff should be able to direct the play on a different table, though it may take a while - she hasn't been at school that long.

Thanks everyone...
We're going to try the recorder and/or sopranino, since I have and can play both of those which makes it all much cheaper and I'll have a go at teaching her myself. Violin sounds tempting, perhaps see how she takes to recorder. Had a quick look online, stuggling to find someone who does Susuki method in Derby, so not sure how widely it's used! I think lessons will be a bit more than our budget can stretch to at the mo!!!

So looks like I'll have to let her settle into school a bit more, make some more friends and see if she gains the confidence to feel more happy about being different intellectually to her peers.

Does your school not do lessons. They are usually about 60 pounds a term, sometimes less.

I agree with others that you're overthinking this.

I don't know your daughter, but honestly the behaviour you're talking about sounds quite usual for new reception starters, however academically advanced. Yes, it may be similar to behaviour she's demonstrated when understimulated, but it could be that she produces that behaviour as a reaction to different stressors. Both my boys were pretty awful when they started school.

Again, I don't know your daughter, but I would hesitate before I assumed that she was 'different intellectually' from her peers. She may be. But there may be one, or two, or several other children who can't read or write yet, but who are extremely bright; they may just take longer to demonstrate it. DS1, for instant, couldn't read or write at all when he started Reception but finished primary school being described by at least one teacher as 'gifted'. DS2 could read, but there are other children who are his peers - they just couldn't read when they started.

What Pixie said. I would definitely not assume that she is different intellectually to all the other children just because she can read and they cannot. Some of the most gifted children I have met were not early readers at all, often because they had too many other interests in the early years- this did not mean that their conversation was not interesting. There may well be plenty of hidden talent in your dd's class!

I would also not assume that the baby language is necessarily a conscious decision so the other children won't twig how bright she is: ime it is something done by children- both bright and not very bright- who are a little tired and stressed. If this were my child I would be wondering if she is not perhaps over-stimulated by her first term in reception. This can easily happen to very bright children as well as less bright ones: there is a lot to take in for all children starting school and her reactions seem to be typical of overload.

I would however feel a little concerned about a child whose behaviour even at home goes downhill if she is not being stimulated by being set fairly mechanical tasks (numbers and letters). Being able to motivate yourself and find interesting things to think about is really a key skill for academic success and something that she should be encouraged to develop. But I do agree that music is very good for stimulating all sorts of areas.

ditto - what Pixie and cory said. I think your dd ought to be allowed to choose her own activities in the classroom if she is happy doing that. She clearly needs and wants to focus on her social and emotional skills at the moment, which will be hard enough work for her in the first term in reception without insisting she get down to doing work she doesn't currently want to do in a classroom setting. Reception (and school in general) is really not just about developing literacy and numeracy skills, imo. Also, albeit she may be at a school with a relatively low achieving intake and therefore slightly "intellectually different" in that particular setting, her reading skills don't sound that unusual - certainly not enough that she ought to be getting any feeling of being odd in any way, so it shouldn't be behaviour that is likely to last very long if she really does love doing reading, writing and maths as much as you say she does. From your description of her, she'll be itching to get back into it after a while, once she feels confident that she's established a few friendships. In fact, it's more your dd's behaviour if she doesn't get access to constant letter and number stimulation that seems a little bit unusual. Her other behaviours sound quite normal.