Is providing activities out of school ever going to help counterbalance what they are not getting at school?

[emy72]

Hi, I have been lurking on here for a while..

I posted about my DD1 elsewhere before (starting Y1 now) but have sort of given up at the moment as all I ever get is "they are ONLY in Nursery, Reception, Y1 etc" so I have provided her with lots of opportunities to stretch/engage/have fun out of school. I do have other children so life in our house is very busy and not masses of time to overthink this tbh so I do tend to leave it and then go back to it when things come to a head!

I am worried though about overloading and the direction things are taking. The issue is that at school she is deeply unchallenged (it's been going on since she was 3 at preschool and we kept convincing ourselves that it would get better but actually it's got worse) and comes home very tired but hyper (it's a bit like: right, what can I get on with doing now?).

The situation I am in is a bit like this: she goes to school to have fun (very sociable child and quite hyper too) and then I am left with tired/understimulated child to try and do something with for the rest of the day. It's really hard to know what to do for the best.

I feel like whatever I do is a loose/loose. We moved DD schools in April to the best possible state school in the region (academically, etc) and nothing has changed really.

She has now developed a strange philosophy that school is for playing and socialising and home is for learning and doing interesting things. Great but is this approach going to work long term?

I thought this might be a good place to get some advice and reassurance, that if I leave it and keep doing what I'm doing things will be ok. I have to say that, academically, I haven't provided any opportunities as I am not a teacher, I am not even English and I have absolutely no idea what to do. I of course do the reading every night but not sure this is going to be enough long term? Or is it? Thanks for getting this far x

I take it that she's been in Yr1 for a couple if weeks now?

Up until the end if reception, she will have been under the EYFS curriculum, which all schools are obliged to follow. It is play-based and there is little/no scope to provide more challenging/academic activities fir children who are ready (I had one DC either side of the rollout, so have seen the difference in practice).

Have you spoken to the school about what she will be studying this term? And how/when work will be differentiated? This may give you a better idea of what is going go happen in school.

I don't see there's a problem with your daughter seeing home as a place for learning. Doing lots if reading (both fiction and non-fiction) should be both educational and fun.

Sorry, I haven't been following your story so I can't make specific remarks. However, I think your DD might do OK. I know a lot of Gifted children get bored at school because there is not the provision to suit them but you have to accept that there never will be. Unless you get one-to-one education, it will never be exactly what you need/want; this applies whether you are Gifted or not. I think that your DD has it spot-on and is very mature to have worked out a coping strategy. The only worry is that she will get complacent, stop concentrating and suddenly find that she is behind the class because she wasn't listening.
It's great that she is an autodidact. It's great that she has good social skills. Celebrate the positives.

I would just check every now and then that

1. she is still on the same hymnsheet as the rest of the class
2. she realises that other kids may not find it as easy as her, and her chatting in class should not jeopardise their learning

Thanks both, very useful/helpful advice....
we have a meeting with the school to talk about Y1 and what they will be doing, so that should help...

Emy - am in a similar position so please do update us after the meeting.

I am too wussy to ask for a meeting and am going to wait and see for a few weeks more but then maybe ds isn't quite as far ahead as your dd.

The main thing I saw in reception was that he had very different reading books to bring home but what actually went on in class was fun but not challenging. He didn't mind at all and like you dd had lots of fun. But who knows what Y1 will bring.

Chatnamenotalreadyinuse: the meeting was actually organised by the school; I too am like you and wary to go in as I don't want to come across as pushy parent from hell!

Will update this thread with what I managed to gather from next week's meeting!

Hi vegasmum,

I think both schools my DD attended quickly realised where my DD was at - she finished her Reception with all 9s across the Foundation Stage but the teacher actually told me that we both knew my DD1 is capable of a lot more. In fact all three teachers she's had so far have suggested spontaneously to me what I could do at home with her to stretch her.

Sadly, I don't seem to be able to fit all they suggest doing in. She has a busy life of socialising, doing extracurricular stuff and messing around with her siblings, and I am not sure it is fair to spend too much time doing teaching after school?

Let's hope things improve this year........

PS what I mean is that, whilst I am happy to provide opportunities at home, I find doing actual teaching something I am not up to for so many reasons. I am happy to support the school but doing extension work, etc but I am tetchy about doing teaching as such.

Out of school we have never done "teaching" as such, but I know my boys have benefited loads from the talking we do, visiting museums and so on, reading a wide variety of materials, watching selected DVDs or recorded documentaries.

They are certainly both in the exceptional range, but are in mainstream school with their peer group, currently in yr7 and yr9. Schools and teachers have largely been great, but through extension and enrichment, not acceleration.

roisin - it's great, you've just answered my question, ie that doing other stuff outside of school is actually going to be enough!

vegasmum, I know what you mean about the constant questions.......arghhh ;o)

Personality, learning style and even 'brightness style' is such a big part of the recipe too. I have a hypery sociable dd and a distrait own-agenda'd ds, who are both able but need quite different input from us.

Dd's style of brightness is Heat Seeking Missile: she locks on to exactly what the lesson objective is, and then, in the words of one of her school reports, likes to "demonstrate how precisely, and how thoroughly, she can meet it" - so what she needs from us is a widening of horizons and an encouragement that learning is not just doing what you are told to do.

Ds's style of brightness is to blank out the entire classroom experience and sit reading the textbook cover to cover (and then annoy his poor frustrated teachers by having 100% recall of what he ignored them trying to teach him) - so what he needs from us is lots of help to understand how you can gain from group learning (and now that he is 11, about respect for teachers & their effort)

What's your dd's brightness style?

Bink - I don't know - how do I find out? Is there any source where I can find more about it? It all sounds fascinating!

Pixionaleaf: your child's school sounds fantastic; is it a private school by any chance? I doubt we'll get that sort of input, somehow. It would be great if we did, but I'll keep an open mind....

I think you can manage by stretching them with extra curricular stuff through primary, yes, but by secondary they need to be having their needs met within school - probably but I suppose not necessarily in a selective school.

Hi Emy72. My thought on reading your post are this: Don't forget that when they are playing, they are not just playing - they are learning. It's possible that the best way for little children's brains to develop is to be left to play a lot. I don't think a gifted child has to be stimulated loads and loads. Their gifted ness is not going to go away. It is just there and they are always going to learn things really quickly and easily and be at the top of the class. I think the most important thing we can give our gifted kids is love and affection so they are emotionally really stable.

fluffycauliflower ...very true and what a nice post!

I agree with you wholeheartedly, and we do provide a loving home for all our children. I guess it is always at the back of my mind whether we are doing enough for our little girl - you read so many horror stories...

Pixionaleaf: thanks for that, I will talk to the teachers in a few weeks and see what they suggest.....