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DEPRESSION - ANY ADVICE?

19 replies

caroline18 · 19/07/2003 23:44

My baby is nearly year old now. Have 2 other children and would say this time has been the hardest to cope with. I can't seem to get baby in routine and feel totally knacked by all of this.I feel weepy and I am on medication at the moment does'nt seem to be working for me.I am just wondering if I could be suffering from postnatal depression and what are the signs to look out for.

any advice grateful

OP posts:
deegward · 20/07/2003 00:21

Caroline, I really feel for you. Mine are 16wks and 3.5 and although sometimes I feel I am coping, other times arrgghh! All I can say is that the medication will take time to kick in, and I am sure you are doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for.

Some people say they are not coping if the dishes aren't done within five minutes, whereas others can live with dishes not done all week, and they just say "heh 3 kids, what can I say" . Try to find time for yourself, hard with 2 must be even worse with 3, and it WILL get better. Lots of love, adn a huge hug being sent to you.

Dee

PS just realised that this message really won't help much at all, but wanted you to know you are not the only one on the net at this time of night. :0

deegward · 20/07/2003 00:22

sorry meant to be at the end

runragged · 20/07/2003 09:20

carline18, felt exactly the same last year, will post later as gruesome twosome make life on pc very difficult. Thinking of you.

runragged · 20/07/2003 21:54

Hi again, last year when dd was 2.5 and ds 1.5 I suddenly stopped being able to cope. I got myself through the day, went to play groups and "functioned" but as soon as the children went to bed I either cried or went to sleep, except I couldn't sleep and would lie in bed for hours wide awake and then be exhausted all day. I stopped being able to socialise very well as I "couldn't be bothered". For a long time I put it down to exhaustion until one day I went to the health clinic for some reason and they had a leaflet on Depression, I could tick nearly every box so I thought I had better see someone! (Only box not to be ticked was the lack of appetite - typical, I get a chance to lose weight with no effort and I get the opposite symptom!)

I think there is a very fine line between depression and exhaustion, you say you are on medication, is that for "D" or something else. And like Deegward says coping is a personal thing.

Apparently it is quite common for people to become depressed when "new" baby is 1 or 2 especially if it is likely to be the last one as they start to think... what am I going to do with my life, this one will be at school soon and then what? Certainly I think that is what happenned to me along with lots of other things.

This is what I did.

Eventually I went to see my Health Visitor, she came to see me for a "chat" each week for a while. That in itself was helpful.

I started making the effort to eat 5 a-day, and I had Yakult at breakfast. I will tell you what, I felt better almost immediately, there must be something in this 5-a day thing! I am terrible at eating fruit and veg so for breakfast I had yakult, a glass of apple, a glass of orange and a banana. I reckoned that was a good start - only 2 to go then,

I started taking Nytol, didn't stop me getting up in the night but at least I went back to sleep.

I went to see the gp who prescribed me Prozac, by choice I'd rather not have taken it but Christmas was coming and you can't really compromise how you look after the children, I could have got worse before I got better.

The doctor put me forward for counselling but my appointment was 3 months later and I was well on the way to recovery by then.

The best advice I can give you is to go and see your Health Visitor, that's what they are there for, I held off for ages because I thought she was really busy and she said I was "silly" that was what she was there for. It doesn't matter what is cuasing you to be like this a non emotive person is really nice to talk to sometimes.

I hope this helps, look after yourself, you are not alone, sleep deprivation is a killer even without 3 children all wanting a piece of you. Don't under estimate the job you are doing - 3 kids, WOW, I'm sticking at two another one really would finish me off. Take care.

Holly02 · 20/07/2003 23:30

runragged what's 5 a-day... are you talking about fruit & vegetables? Just wondering.

mands1 · 20/07/2003 23:45

Caroline. my best advice is to see your HV. They should give you the Edingburgh Scale to do which is a kind of depression test. Everyone reacts differently and all have different symptoms. I could go on about mine but won't bore you.

If you do have it it is nothing to be ashamed of as it is a illness like a cold. You would be surprised how many ppl suffer.

Anyway good luck

Southeastern · 21/07/2003 03:02

I have a husband who has not touched me sexually since my daughter was born 17 years ago. He said he did not want any more children, but refused to get a vasectomy because "It would ruin his manhood." He also forgot our 25th anniversary last month. I am so upset, I have considered suicide. I also cannot work or drive any more because of epilepsy. I am dependent on him solely for income, transportation and the fact that he can cook. What would you suggest since I can't work, drive or support myself. I can't leave if I can't work. I have gotten opinions form 13 doctors about my epilepsy. All say I have taken everything there is to take (I am 52)so I still have convulsions. So convulsions, no sex, no work and the fact that I can't drive any more makes me feel useless. What can I do?

3GirlsMum · 21/07/2003 08:25

Hi caroline

Its amazing how much different the third child makes I think, I certainly found so when I had my DD who is now 20 months, and I also have two other girls. How old are your other two children? Are they of an age where they could be helping you a bit more at home? What about your partner/hubby how active is his role. Explain to him that you are feeling very tired and low and see if there is something he could do to help things.

How about suggesting that your partner/hubby takes the kids out for the day or away for a couple of days to visit friends or relatives? Its amazing what a difference that can make and it may give you the time to get baby into a better routine.

You can get depression within the first year of birth which can leave you weepy and tired (I did with my first), however, there have been occasions I have felt this since having my third DD through sheer exhaustion at times! Is it possible that the medication you are on (not sure if its anti-d's or some other sort of medication) is leaving you drowsy?

Hope that you feel better soon but if you would like to speak via email please let me know. HTH.

3GirlsMum · 21/07/2003 08:27

Southeastern sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Have you sat down with your husband and explained to him how you are feeling? Whilst your epilepsy is difficult for you maybe your hubby is having difficult coming to terms with it? How about seeing a counsellor together to see if you are able to rebuild your marriage?

Cornflower · 21/07/2003 08:45

Dear southeastern,

I feel for you I really do. I urge you to see someone professional.

I work in a big company which employs security guards. One day when I was checking into work, one of them failed to recognise me or register me at all. When I realised something was wrong I got help and was told that this chap had epilepsy. Is it therefore true that epilepsy bars you from work? I would have thought there are jobs where epilepsy would be less ofa problem than it is in this particular case.

caroline18 · 29/07/2003 10:52

Just found couple of minutes to read your advice.It was brilliant sometimes find it hard to think there is a light at the end of the tunnel.Kids are 11, 3, 1, years old hard work the eldest sometimes the hardest of them all. Starting to get my eating habits back, not great but slowly. On two of my tablets a day now, so I am hoping they do something for me. I dont seem to want to do anything. I have spoke to my partner he just wants me back as how i was, and i am finding that a real struggle at the minute head is like a washing machine things flying around it. Things that never bother me before i am taking them really personal and thinking bad of my partner. I want to know if anyone has had this insecure feeling, this is the first time in my life i have ever felt like this. I have accused my partner twice of having a affair over the net when it hasnt been true. I feel i am getting up tight just about everything at the moment. How do i get these thoughts out of my head?

Any advice grateful

Im trying to work out how to do emails

OP posts:
aloha · 29/07/2003 11:58

Southeastern, are you in England? If you were to divorce your husband would have to help support you financially etc.

Janstar · 29/07/2003 12:55

Hi Caroline

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. But you are not alone. I, like many many mothers have gone through this too. Help is available. You are just as entitled to help from you doctor or health visitor as someone with an infection or a broken leg. It is so important that you feel able to managed with your children, and you need some quality of life for yourself too.

Your worries about your husband having an affair are quite normal, paranoia can be an everyday part of depression. I used to imagine other people had it in for me, that strangers were scrutinising me, everyday remarks used to offend me, and noisy or crowded places really freaked me out. Explain this to your DH and perhaps he will be able to offer support and understanding if it happens again. You need lots of reassurance.

Runragged is absolutely right about the healthy eating. When you are feeling like this you must take care of yourself in every way possible to try and minimise the symptoms. Eat a healthy diet and try to avoid alcohol because it will exaggerate your feelings. Use herbal remedies like St John's wort and chamomile tea is excellent before bed to relax you gently into sleep. Ginger is good to energise you.

If you have a bad day, try to rest and do as little as poss (not easy with kids, I know). Make sure you get some quiet time to gather your thoughts. Phone your friends and tell them how you are feeling. People usually want to help but they can't if they don't know.

If your medication isn't working tell your doctor and perhaps he/she will try another. Insist on getting help from the NHS - if they don't sympathise, change doctors.

Put yourself high up the list of priorities in your life. Do not hide behind putting the children first. If you are ill and exhausted it is not a gift to them. You deserve care as much as the next person so make sure you get it. Accept all offers of help.

Bear in mind that most of these problems begin with a hormone inbalance. It is easy to feel guilty when depressed, as if you were too weak to resist falling ill and so on. But the truth is that it is as much an illness as any other - and one of the most debilitating if not treated. I explained to my daughters that I was ill in my emotions. They were kind and understanding even though they were little at the time.

Caroline, I am better now and never have depression bouts any more. So can you be. But don't ignore this - the days of your life are precious and not to be spent in unhappiness. It is not good enough for you or anybody so insist on the help you need.

I will chat to you anytime you want on mumsnet.

Tortington · 29/07/2003 13:20

hi caroline you should go and speak with your doctor again. think of this as a positive step - you are activley taking control over your depression - this is how i viewed it this means you are stronger than you think you are.

you can mail me anytime at [email protected] whenever you want to moan or cry or anything. i find writing very cathartic its a great medium for me to use to get things off my chest as anyone who is on my e - mail list knows!

sometimes you just want to moan without any advice. sometimes you just want to tell people how rubbish your partner or children are. this is easier online or via e - mails as you dont have to keep up any appearences to people you dont know! this is why mumsnet is great.

Mummysurfer · 30/07/2003 08:16

Caroline 18
ask your HV about Homestart. They're a voluntary org. who help mums just like you. Volunteers are sucurity checked, they are generally mims themselves and will help you in many ways.
mine played with dd &ds whilst I had a long soak in the bath, did my nails etc. this in itself made me feel more human. Homestart have a web site so you could check it out. they seem to be in most areas. If you don't want to go through your HV you can ring them direct.

wobblymum · 30/07/2003 09:00

I looked on Google for Homestart and there were 2 sites for it but home-start.org.uk has an error message and homestart.org.uk has no website at that address. Just wondering if this is a temporary problem or if there is another site that is the right one.

caroline18 · 31/07/2003 21:54

To all,
Thanks for all your advice really good to know that you understand me. I just put kids to bed thank goodness and might get half hour peace.
It was really good to hear from you all.I haven't been feeling too bad today. I hoping tomorrow will even be better.

OP posts:
Mummysurfer · 31/07/2003 22:19

I'lltry & find out what's ahppened to the Homestsrat site

Mummysurfer · 31/07/2003 22:19

SORRY - tired & typing with mouse wire over keybaord

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