breast cancer help

[frikonastick]

hi everyone, my mom has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and they want to do a double mastectomy in a weeks time.

i really want to read up on it and cant seem to find any really good sites. the USA one breastcancer.org is pretty good, but all the other ones i can find are mostly about awareness and campaining, not really about dealing with cancer once its diagnosed. iyswim.

please, if anyone knows of some good sites, can you let me know. am pretty freaked out.

thanks

.

Am dashing out to work but this is very good.

www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx

thank you! sorry, madly trawling the internet when you are in shock probably isnt the best way to find decent sites!

So sorry to hear that frik, it must have been a terrible shock.
Have had a quick ferret around and this looks promising.

yes, it is quite literally shattering.

my mom is the healthiest person and she only had the mamogram in the first place because she joined a new clinic and they were suprised she had never had a mammogram and so booked her in for one.

it is a complete and utter shock

I know it feels really dark right now, but there is light out there still. They have found the cancer, they will remove it quickly, and as she is usually healthy she will hopefully be stronger and more able to cope with the surgery & treatment.
Many many women survive breast cancer and go on to enjoy long happy lives after treatment.
I know several, some of whom have had reconstructions and others who choose to live 'boobless' or with prosthetics.
Have you got anyone you can offload on in RL? You know MNetters will always be around if you need to talk here

no unfortunately i dont really. so thank you, it helps massively being able to say how scared and vulnerable i feel on here, when i cant in RL.

and you are absolutely right, she has a good chance of being really healthy again.

maybe its the shick, i dont know. but it feels like the end of the world. maybe because its my mom? i dont know.

shock, even

frik, I was diagnosed in March, so am a bit ahead of your poor Mum. It is terrifying, but honestly the worst bit is where you are now, because you're desperate to find out what it all means. Once you get to treatment, it somehow seems more manageable.

I've found the MacMillan site good, but also tell her to try www.breastcancercare.org.uk. If she can't find the answers to her questions there, tell her to start a thread in the forums section and she'll be inundated with women in similar positions who are finding their own way through. It's also a good place to read other women's experiences. Somehow that normalises it a bit, or at least it did for me. Not that it makes it less scary, more that you realise people do come through.

There are other sites which are more detailed/ forensic, so it depends how much of the pathology she wants to understand. If you've got any questions on anything, am really happy to try and help. There are a fair few of us on Mumsnet who am sure would offer too.

thanks smee, thats so kind of you. im afraid internet forums are not something my mom is comfortable using, and actually, the biggest problem is that she has retired to africa and the levels of support there are, well pretty much non existent. she hasnt even been given so much as a bloody leaflet!

so i am basically trying to educate myself as much as possible so i can be of some use to her.

i am trying to sort out getting to her (i am not in the UK either), but i dont knwo when it would be best to go. i mean, i dont know how long she will be in the hospital for after the operation and i dont know what the recovery times are like. anything you feel comfortable telling me would be gratefully recieved.

What a nightmare. Not sure what to suggest, but you could go on the site and download leaflets to send to her. Try and find out from her exactly what they've said about her cancer, so is it something called DCIS (v.common and contained so has a good prognosis), or is there nodal involvement (again very common and deemed curable). Also is she having other scans to see if it's spread, etc, etc. From there go on the site and see what fits with what she's been told. There are lots of leaflets on there and they're free.

What I'd really advise though is to call a MacMillan nurse. They're brilliant and again, it's free to call. I'm sure they wouldn't mind that you're not in the country. They could talk you through what to ask and help you work out when to travel if you're going.

In terms of recovery, Mastectomy's weird in that although it's obviously major, a lot of women recover quickly physically. I was walking to school and back easily within a week for example - everyone's different though! I was out of hospital after 2 days, but some women are there longer. The hospital should be able to tell her how long she'll have to stay.

The major thing really is how much treatment she'll be having. So will she move onto Chemo and Radiation Therapy? If that's her route through, then she's facing at least six-eight months of hospital visiting. In lots of ways, the Chemo's the hardest to get through. Trouble is she probably won't know everything until after the pathology reports have come through post op.

Call the MacMillan line is genuinely my best suggestion though. Honestly, they're brilliant. If you want to ask anything though, feel free to ask and I'll try my best to help. Must be so hard for you. x

frik - firstly I'm very sorry to hear your mum is having to deal with this diagnoses, - it is a big shock at first. I am 2 years down the line. I had a right side mastectomy and was only in hospital overnight. (I imagine it would be bit longer for your mum) Recovery time - well you start to feel OKish after about 2 weeks assuming no problems such as infection etc.. Again I imagine slightly longer with a double mastectomy, and your mum's age may play a factor (I was 48 when I had mine)

Does she have any help at home for when she comes out of hospital? She will be very tired and worn out. Also of course he may need to go on to further treatment - I don't know about the treatment regime in other countries, but I had chemo and radiotherapy, - if she has this treatment she will feel pretty knocked out, it's quite tough, but its doable, - but the more help she has the better obviously.

The sites others have mentioned are very useful. It might also be worth popping to the cancer unit, or any local cancer support centres you have where you live, to see if you can get hold of any information leaflets you could send her.

I'm so sorry she's received so little information - it must make a difficult thing even harder. I wish her and you all the very best, it is great she has you to support her in her recovery even though you are far away.

If there's anything you need to ask, please do post - there are quite a few of us on here with experience of this illness, who may be able to help. xx

thank you smee. i know its silly but your post has been so helpful its made me cry.

thanks kurrikurri, i am too upset to type right now but wanted to say thanks for your message

Not silly at all. Crying sounds healthy to me. But look, here's me and Kurri, both having been through it and typing. I know it's a tiny thing, but it shows that cancer's not a full stop. As Kurri says it's tough, but it is doable.

morning ladies am feeling much much more positive today, i think it was just shock and now that i have been reading up on your suggestions i feel more in control.

my mom has so far been really positive, am so proud of how strong she is being. i also spoke to her doctor and thats helped alot too. they have caught her cancer early and he is very positive about her having a good outcome from the op as she is generally so healthy. and he has a whole lot of information for my mom (he was very apologetic about the lack of information, said there had been a bad breakdown of communication in his office and it wouldnt happen again)and was sending it to my folks house yesterday. so thats also good.

i just wanted to say thanks so much for taking the time to post ladies, you honestly made the world of difference to what was one of the worst days of my life. and you guys still being here after going through this and typing to me is no small thing, its pretty freaking amazing thanks again guys.

Nice to hear that today is a better day frik, and great that the doctor is on the ball.
It sounds really hopeful in the scheme of things if that makes sense. I wish you both strength and positivity

So pleased you're feeling a bit better today frik - it's sometimes harder to be a loved one, than the person actually going through it - I know my DH said he felt helpless at times, - so remember to take care of yourself . Great that the doctor is positive and they have got your mum some information - I wish her all the very best in her recovery

from me too, frik. Take it all one step at a time. Really hope your mum strides through it all. Bound to be hard, but she sounds very strong. Remember we're here if you need anything.

thanks ladies so much ladies, i printed this thread off and read the posts to my mom on the phone last night and she was so touched that complete strangers would take the time to write messages of support and sends her thanks to you all.