Am I mad to miss being in hospital?

[becci05]

Just after the birth of my beautiful baby, I ended up in ICU and was very ill in Hospital for a while. 1 year on and Im feeling down all the time cos Im waiting for the next Health scare and miss being in Hospital where I was safe!!

I live my life as noraml and have never told anyone I feel this way. But I rarely sleep thinking about what will go wrong next. I used to be so carefree! I am nuts?

You're not mad at all, I was in hospital a few times as a child and teenager and I remember as though if anything went wrong, I would be ok.
Would it help if you did tell someone about how you're feeling? Maybe your DH/P, mum? So you wouldn't be keeping it all bottled up IYSWIM and hopefully they would be able to reassure you when you started thinking about this.

Sorry I missed a bit, it should say, I remember feeling safe, as though...

I have a friend who feels exactly like this. She is the most wonderful person, so generous and giving with lots of friends and a great family. You would never know that she suffers from time to time from depression and OCD. Her son has been ill twice this year and I know that she feels the same way as you.

I'd strongly recommend two things: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and/or mindfulness meditation. There's good evidence that both help with anxiety and depression. Mindfulness can be particularly nice - i recently did a six-week course. It's not weird or out there (although the course I was on had a bit of a herbal tea factor, but it wasn't a cult or anything). Google in your local area to see if you can find a course for you. It's just about taking time daily to live in the moment and be free of your worries. Like a tiny holiday every day! I really hope it works for you and that your child's health improves.

I just wanted to reassure you that it's not abnormal to feel the way you do. Becoming a mother is quite a seismic change and we're suddenly aware of how fragile life is, worried about 'something happening' either to ourselves or our children. We lose that feeling of immortality we all have when young and feel suddenly vulnerable.

If you really are living life normally i.e. if the way you feel is not affecting your ability to get on with life, work, socialise, function normally etc., then you probably don't need the attentions of medics and therapists. On the other hand, if you're not sleeping, feeling constantly anxious and irrationally worried then that's the time to seek some help.

Not at all.. I wasn't ill myself, but after DD narrowly survived meningitis I felt very similar to you for a long time. Not bad enough for anyone to really notice, but bad enough to feel constantly fearful, under pressure and bordering on depression. The HV offered to arrange counseling, but I felt that that was going too far. I ended up having a number of sessions with a reiki/reflexologist and that helped immensely. It wasn't so much the hocus pocus, but what helped me was taking some time for myself just to relax and to find someone neutral to talk to, just to put words to feelings.