So I've decided to give up the booze...

[LucyJones]

And so far my skin has broken out, I feel knackered all the time and grumpy

it's only been since Friday so this is the third day

tell me I'll feel healthily etc etc < eyes up corkscrew>

Hello MostlyLurking and all, I am an ex-drinker who has given up for good (seven years ago) and will never go back to it now except for the really occasional glass of wine with a meal (probably twice a year.)

"I have someone coming round tonight who will be"expecting" me to drink, what do I do without fessing up that I am trying to quit?"

Be absolutely clear so that it's obvious there's no room to persuade you, but don't get into a discussion (be casual and dismissive like it's not a big deal, which it isn't, really; there's plenty of people around these days who don't drink for one reason or another) and stick firmly to the 'never apologise, never explain' plan.

Use some brief phrase that's impossible to argue with: "It doesn't suit me any more, I find," is a good one, and then move on. Answer any follow-up questions like 'but don't you miss it?' with a smiling 'not really, no!' and change the subject with a swift (prepared) question 'Oh that reminds me! How IS DD getting on at school/your new job/your mother's impetigo' - etc.

Friends who used to know you as a drinker will move into accepting that you are NOT a drinker faster than you think, so long as you are obviously not wavering and there's therefore no point trying to persuade you. Be bland, vague, project 'it's no big deal' and move swiftly on.

Good luck to all.

"Bump. please..!! Can't be the only one in this position..... "

If you want something to happen the best way is to engineer your lifestyle and your environment to make it happen. If you drink a lot at home then make home an alcohol-free zone as your base-line for success. For example, you could do your shopping on-line so that you're not browsing the wine racks. You wouldn't keep wine in the house 'for visitors'. You'd find other things to do with the time that you used to spend drinking, other ways to relax, other beverages. Recognise behaviour patterns e.g baby settled, TV on, corkscrew out... and consciously change part of the routine.

You don't have to be alcoholic to be heavily dependent on alcohol. You don't have to be alcoholic to have a bad alcohol habit. With a bit of application and effort, you should be fine. If you find it a major struggle to go more than a few days without alcohol, however, then you would have to accept it was a bigger problem needing a different solution

"i am concerned that when i am not pregnant any more i will end up splitting it with him"

'Not pregnant any more' means ... 'being a parent' (if you're not already). And that means a lot of responsibility, sleepless nights, having your wits about you, setting a good example. Everyone enjoys a night out but add more than a moderate amount of booze to that mix and it can be a disaster on a lot of levels. Now would be a good time to sit with your partner and talk about how you're going to change your behaviour to match this change in your lives. Explain how you feel about the amount of alcohol you used to get through.... come to some sensible conclusions.

Hi All
I, like most of you have recognised that I do too much `relaxing' drinking in the eve and it makes me feel rubbish and waste time the next day. I thought it was only me!

I also need to lose some weight and found a diet diary on the woman and home website. It's good in that no food (or wine) is banned but it really highlights what you are eating and drinking and calculates it all for you each week. Any exercise you do offsets the calories you eat.

As i said booze isn't banned but it adds to your overall calorie/fat consumption and so since I started (only 3 days ago) I haven't wanted to waste any of my allowance on booze so haven't had a drink for 3 days and apart from 10 minutes around the 6 o'clock moment (I'm having elderflower cordial instead) - haven't found it hard at all.

Have a look - there is a free 7 day trial - woman and home diet club.

You are all so helpful and constructive. Chil will take all your advice on board and seriously work out ways to change the habits of the past few years. Thank you.

I think the biggest thing for me at the moment is I am just so bloody miserable. Out of work, lonely, just miserable. If only finding a job was easy at the minute!

I'm not deluding myself that when things are more positive it will be easier to stop, am I??!!

But I will stop. I WILL ! On Monday......

Ah Chablis to sorry to hear that. I know how you feel - it's so difficult to get motivated when you feel low.

I realised tho that, whilst the booze cheered me up briefly at 6 and kept me in a bit of a haze until bed, it was stopping me from making any positive moves the following day.

Just a thought...

Good luck.
x

Katie that makes sense. Knowing that I failed not to drink the night before makes me even more miserable.

Am delving into my positive side right now. I do have one somewhere....!

Nothing to be miserable for really. Two gorgeous DC's, DP and helpful Mum. Anyone out there want to give me a job??!!

Miserable happens. That's life, unfortunately. The way I see it you can either add to the the problems of being out of work, lonely etc., by sticking 'excess alcohol consumption' and all that entails (overweight, poor skin, no energy, shot liver) on top or you can take the view that it's an extra bit of crap you could do without.

I'd add that sometimes taking control of one element of life like this can have a positive knock-on effect. If you feel good about yourself because you've tackled a bad habit successfully it can quickly translate into extra confidence in interviews, a better impression to potential partners.

If you're waiting until Monday you might be going for the 'all or nothing' approach. Instead, you could set yourself a more realistic target to begin with of 'a weekend without alcohol'... by Monday you could be seriously impressed with yourself.

I see what you mean. My target for Monday was that there would be no alcohol until Friday. Don't want to give it up altogether but I do now realise that I should not be drinking every night.

I am finding your comments really helpful and inspiring and will be looking back at them come Monday!!

It sounds like you need a plan for getting a job too.

Make some lists of

your skills
what you like to do
types of job that fit both skills & likes
what avenues you've tried already
and
other avenues to research/apply for suitable jobs
or maybe you could do with some more training? there are quite a few grants around for re-training at the mo.

Make the lists before you have a glass of wine

Ah but surely after a glass I will be more complimentary about myself (only kidding).

Am considering re-training to be honest. Accounting is not very exciting is it?!

Excellent advice. Thank you.

not been around much this week and just a quick pop-in to see how everyone is doing... I'm not planning to give up completely, just adopt a more sensible attitude. I'm on my second week of not having a drink during the week - but did overdo it at the weekend. Not going to beat myself up over it, on balance I've still had less than usual. So, mid-week drinking at home seems to be under control, it's the weekend over-indulgence I need to work on next! I was out with some friends on Friday who were surprised that for the second time i wasn't drinking as much as usual - I just told them straight that I'd realised I was drinking too much and needed to cut down. I still had 4 white wine spritzers - but small wines and not the 4 large "neat" glasses I might have had previously. Then went mad at home on Sat and Sun... one battle at a time!

If we'd had any alcohol in the house last night I would have drunk it! The moment was fleeting, and I was too knackered anyway to enjoy a glass of wine. I find that I can feel light-headed without alcohol, so probably don't really need it to feel better. I guess that reality hits faster when you're sober, and sometimes it's nice to have a bit of escape. I would like to feel the desire to escape a bit less!

I think a big plus of taking a break from alcohol is that you can surprise yourself at how resourceful and strong you actually are. You realise you get a bigger kick out of tackling the problem head on rather than automatically trying to make it go away with a glass of Cab Sav. That realisation, if you rehearse it often enough, will boost confidence and self-esteem over time. And, if you're seeing things clearly & feeling good about yourself you're less likely to put up with so much crap in the first place.... it's a virtuous circle.

For me it's too big a commitment to give up completely but by not drinking at home drastically reduces my drinking as I hardly go out

I really needed to find this thread today. I drink almost a bottle of wine a night and I need support to stop this before I make myself seriously ill. My DP often comments that I drink too much but I ignore him and the DCs think it's normal for me to have a glass of wine in my hand. DP works nights so doesn't see and rarely drinks. All my drinking is at home so no-one sees me at my worst. I'm too embarrased to go to the doctors, but think I may find some likeminded friends here.

Hello gaffataperules. I'm sure you'll get plenty of support and ideas from the people on this thread.

Hello gaffataperules. I tried convincing myself that I didn't have a problem as I never wanted to drink during the day.

With thanks to the MNers on this thread (Chil is very wise!!) I will hopefully get rid of this "habit", which I know deep down it is.

Yes, it is a bad habit. Today I feel very let down. I applied for a job I could easily do, and I haven't heard anything back. I tried quite hard with the application form, and I guess I'm just disappointed to hear nothing at all. It's such a horrible sinking feeling, even though on the good side, I am not taking it personally. When bad things happen, it is a bad time to have a drink!
When we lived in London, I drank a lot. Probably a bottle of wine a night, if not more. Where we live now, it is not so easy and I don't have drinking friends, so my piss-head days are more over than not!
I come from a family of heavy drinkers, and alcohol is always available and regularly drunk to excess. I veer between being pretty sensible and being pretty stupid, and it's not something I've had to talk about, since so many other things could have killed me first. So... other things less of an issue, and now time to either accept things as they are, or at least feel that I have made some decisions about them.

I'm the same too
it's so easy to use wine as a crutch , like after a shit day at work reach for a glass to unwind and before you know it most of the bottle has gone
I've done two weeks now so if I can you can too!

Thanks Chil & CoS. It's now my usual 'wine time' so I'm going to really try this time to actually do what I say. My problem is that once I start I never know when to stop & when there is no one here to see me it's so much easier.

LucyJ - that's great, I hope I'm in your place 2 weeks from now!

I know. It doesn't even take a shit day at work (stuck at home at the moment and think that's worse!)

All day I will tell myself I won't have a drink but as soon as wine o'clock arrives I get the fidgets.

Am taking inspiration from you all that have conquered it and am determined to do so myself. Thank you Lucy Jones for starting this thread because I wouldn't have done it!!

My serious advice would be to take a hit drink up to bed now ! Then clean your teeth straight after
it breaks the habit honest