alcohol concern ..

[choclab]

I am really worried about my mum , shes been a heavy drinker for many, many years and i now feel its all catching up with her ..
she has been deteriating quickly , and i really think she has liver damage ...

does anyone els have experience with this or give advice ..i feel so helpless ...

she has a long term partner , who also drinks , and i have raised my concerns a few times only to be told im out of order and over reacting ...

im now begining to wonder if he is actually looking after my mum or making her worse ..

thanks

really ,its so d=sad isnt it , how do you cope , can i ask charli, did doc put him in hospital ? did u have any idea how bad he was.

my mum has dramatically got worse the past 6 months or so,

shes so depressed /confused most of time , and the not eating has been going on for a long time , but now she said shes being sick at times after eating ..

i think her bodys just got so used to alcohol and thats it , shes a huge tummy and skinny wasted arms , puffy face got tinge of yellow to it i think , bruses and marks on her to , also 2 of her finger nails split open , bleeding and wont heal so sore , .

what a state for her to be in ...

im hoping thay when docs get our letter they will be inlightened into more of her symptoms and be able to act on them ..

how r u doing ...charlieandlola?

Choclab I'm so sorry, your mum sounds exactly like my mum was. I know you don't want to hear this but going by the symptoms you've described I would say she's already in liver failure and maybe has another 6 months to a year max. It's likely she already has advanced cirrhosis which means that even if she were to quit booze, her liver would be permanently scarred.

In my mums case the progression downhill happened increasingly quickly. What finally admitted her to hospital for the final time was that in an episode of confusion she drove the car half way down the road and rolled it into a hedge ditch. She was gone for hours and hours, my dad was frantic until some neighbours brought her back just after midnight. They'd found her sitting on a grass verge next to the car, listening to the car radio. She obviously had no real idea by that stage what was going on. She was behaving so strangely that the doctor was called and she was admitted to hospital. She rapidly went into liver and kidney failure and died three days later. It wasn't pretty but it was mercifully brief in the end.

Alcoholism is heartbreaking and utterly destructive. As others have said there's really nothing you can do to make her stop and infuriatingly the medical professionrarely bother intervening unless the alcoholic says they definitely want the help. We even looked at trying to have mum sectioned at one point but they wouldn't.

You have my deepest sympathy.

hello madonna,

wow , and thank you for sharing that with me , im also so sorry you to have gone through such bad times due to alcohol ...how have you coped ...

and thank you for telling me in more detail , in a way i want to know as i really dont know how serious it is , (if you know what i mean )
i obviously know she is not well and i know deep down has liver failure ..how much i dont know , i dont evon know if she knows ?
she has been to doc alot the last 6 months , when i ask her she is vayge on answers ...so maybe she has been told all sorts of things and isnt telling anyone ..
im sure that if there doing blood tests , they would come back with liver problems that need investigating ..

i havent spoke with her today , to late to talk now as she will be worse now , have to pick the right time if any these days ..

what will be her next problem?..im hoping that on her next visit to doc in a weeks time they will be enlightened with the information we have sent to them and may be able to do something ...

can they send her to hospital ? tell her to stop or els she will die ? i dont know ...
wish i could be there when she goes ..

thanks again for listening

If she's not eating at all then she will probably have some kind of collapse quite soon. What used to happen with my mum is she would sleep very deeply, much more than normal, and get very confused. We would often find her on the floor unable to move because she was so drunk and weak. She fell downstairs once and another time dad found her unconscious in the bath after she'd suffered a fit.

All of those episodes were precursors to her being admitted to hospital. Dad called the GP to our house so many times and she would have been admitted more often if it wasn't for the fact that when she was feeling well enough she would kick up such a fuss that the GP wouldn't bother.

Your mum sounds very poorly with drink. I wouldn't be surprised if she also had undiagnosed diabetes as well. I'd say be on the look out for a mini epilesy type fit/collapse or a diabetes induced 'hypo'.

Sorry to sound so doom and gloom but if I were you I'd want someone to tell it to me like it is. Denial is such a pervasive, insidious and contagious aspect of this disease sometimes you just need to hear reality.

thank you again , and yes i do need to know .
may i ask how old was your mum , my mum is 64 , heavy drinking for 25 years ..

shes barley eating, this i know but drinking still of corse , she told me again yesterday she ate then soon after was sick..she lets a few things slip when shes had a few ...
she also was out for first time last week in 2 weeks ,and fell over ..3 men had to help her up ..

basically all the symptoms iv stated , hes partner really does nothing to help im sure , feeding his own habit i guess...

i know hes not to blame for some of it but cant help but think ..if i saw my partner /husband , sick ,not eating , confused , etc ,etc , i would be concerned and get them to the doc ASAP ..

he does nothing

my dad got admitted to hospital when he turned up at gp with jaundice and ascites, they told him quit drinking or die.He stopped for 12 months (the best year i ever had with him). After a year though he started having the "odd" drink, and 6 months later i found him dead in his flat from a massive bleed. I hope your mum gets the help she needs soon, take care x

Thank you frazzled ,

sorry to here you have been through this to :-(

i hope my mum gets help to and sees sense ...to i really do ,feel so helpless ..

x

update on my mum ..

i sent doc letter from me and my sister 3 weeks ago , now i think hope due to that ,things r starting to happen .. she went for blood tests last week , i went to see her and saw the list of things they r testing , liver and FBC being 2 , now week on , she was called back to doctors for results today ..

they want her to go to hospital tomorrow morning to have blood transfusion as shes anemic , also scan on stomach , and other 'tests ', as shes barley eating , trouble swallowing etc ..funny taste in mouth ,
shes recently been having bad nose bleeds to ..
shes so week , tired constantly .
all the other symptoms i listed before .

her DP taking her tomorrow first thing , expect she will be in for 2 days at least ..
good shes being looked at but im still worried of what they may find ..

anyone with expereance or advice please

thanks for listening

went to see my mum yesterday , she looks awful , there waiting for results from bloods and scans on liver and stomach .

managed to talk to a nurse as mums DP totally useless and thinks im overreacting , told me she was ok and there just sorting her vit B12 out and tying to get her to eat and she will be ok ...

well i talked to nurse , who said she has liver disease and what stage we will know tomorrow ...(today)
shes not absorbing any food or vitamins at mo so they have her on a drip VIT B12 , she also was told mum has a urine infection , may have to have blood trasfusion tomorrow , also poss biopsy ,agin all depending on results ..

im really worried , she looked so porly when i saw her , if anyone can shed some light of what stage im at or poss good out come...

or questions i should be asking doctors wheni go later as i get bit tounge tied when im there ..

thanks for listening

Just seen this choclab and hope you're ok xx

can any one advise me ..

well went to hospital and , managed to get some answers from the doctor , away from my mum and DP ..
she had liver cerosis , what stage they couldnt say , but she has a chance , she MUST not drink again , if she does she will be dead within a year this is a wake up call so the doc said , shes on the slope and if she doesnt stop she could go down and never recover , but the rest is up to her..

she said she had had a pep talk to her i the morning telling her the facts ..
i was pleased i got some truth for once , but i stressed to her my concern that her DP is totally usless and a heavy drinker himself , and throughout all of this he still thinks im over reacting ...so i asked her to come over to the bed and say it all again to us all so HE could hear ...which she did , stressed that mum must have no alcohol at all , and that they should rid the house of it all and she will need support and help to get through this ...

i tried to talk to her on her own whilst HE was getting the car thismorning , and she was ok , but kept saying i dont want a lecture and you lecture me every time i see you ...i said i no mum but you have to take note as this is a warning for you ..

off they went , cant imagen him getting rid of all the booze , let alone not drinking in front of her ...

im so very with him , why is he so against my help? why cant he see what i do ?

im going to go over and see her tomorrow and see if the booze has gone ...without strong support and help ...she doesnt have a chance i dont think ...

sorry for big rant ..any advice for what els i can do ?

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update for those who followed my thread ..

Mum came home , i went to see her daily , she improved the first week , had some nice chats with her actually regarding the alcohol and how she was going to beat it ..sadly , within the following 2 weeks she became worse and admitted again , and went through a roller coast of symptoms ..... and some things came to light from the past ...very upsetting ..... Mum passed away 3 weeks ago now ...

One of the hardest things iv had to go through ,people say will make me stronger ....dont feel that way yet ....feel angry and upset and lost .....

thank for listening.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Only jut read the thread, but I can see that you really did your best to help your mum.

When my Dad died it was a tough time, but it does get easier and you just learn to live with the loss. Sounds cliched, but remembering good times does help.

Who do you have for support?

thanks ,
my DH has been amazing and im lucky i have brother and sister and we are all close .(although live far away )

just finding it hard that shes gone ....

funeral was last week , now cards down ,im supposed to collect myself and get back to "normal "

hard to do .......

made harder as my mums DP throughout all of this has been difficult .....to say the least right up till the end and now .....
want to say so much ...but cant.....angry about so much ...

im trying to remember good times , as many pictures in my head of recent events , people say they will fade and good ones will come ..

I can still remember all those mixed feelings and your mum's DP sounds like he has been unwell and in denial himself (and an arse!).
Do you have to still deal with him?

It is horrible, initially you are busy organising things and keeping busy helps. When it all goes quiet, it is hard and you think things over more..

Don't feel you have to go back to normal; but it was weird for me going back to work after this huge loss, I wanted to shout at people- 'don't you know how fragile it all is!!!'

thank you ,

how long has it been for you ? im sorry for your loss to .
your Mum and Dad u always think there going to be there .

and yes Mums DP has been an arse ....and yes i think to is an alcoholic in denial ....
i believe thats how they were together ...i am coming to terms with that ...

Have to have contact as hes in mums house and the will etc ...got to get sorted out ...

there are many keep sakes and family bits passed down that we would like ....not straight away but in time ...worry incase he will just ditch them all ...he said he gets the house and contents ,and her car ....

i dont care i just want my mum back .....and if hed listened to me months and months ago maybe she would still be here .....

sorry angry rant over .....

My dad died 3 years ago. He died of lung cancer (had given up smoking a few months before he was diagnosed- how ironic!).

Luckily I had supportive family and that made a difference. The will was straightforward as it all went to mum.

What does your mum's will say? Can you collect any sentimental bits and pieces before the legal stuff is sorted?

It must be so crap having to have anything to do with him at moment.

Sorry to here about your Dad .
My mum stopped drinking 4 weeks before she died , although her body wasnt tolerating it by this stage ...

Its complicated the will as , all has to go to probate , mum had very little savings , the house , car and a property abroad , to be shared between the 3 children , however this will be hard as its not in good condition and property not selling, to run down to let and we have little money to do up to sell ..

and mums Dp gets house and car ....and contents ..

its his attitude that bugs me ....

Holy crap - this is so sad.
I am too struggling with my own alcohol addiction and reading your thread makes me realise I HAVE to do something urgently.

I have two beautiful young children aged 9 and 6 and I don't want them going through what you have.

sorry you are in this situation , it is an addiction and a disease that can be beaten if you take control .

There is help out there .

best of luck .

I am really struggling today.

I haven't had a drink for 48 hours and I have a severe headache and feel edgy.

feeling really low today , cant seem to come to terms with it all ....
i went to her house yesterday , and her DP said i could take her hospital bag , and dressing gown , hand bag ..as he didnt want them .
found her mobile in the bag really upset me all over .

i just cant believe shes one ...

feel so sad that her addiction to alcohol did this ....and i never knew how very bad she had got ...