A general plea for help re high blood pressure and my depressed and endlessly dieting mother..

[pagwatch]

I don't really know what help I want to be honest.Maybe I just need to vent.

My mum is in late 70's. My dad died about five years ago. Mum is unable to drive and although she has been fit and active she now has an increasing list of illnesses, bad joints etc.

She does not live near me. I send tesco orders to her butshe was a dieter in the 70s and will not move on from the whole 'eat a lettuce and a crispbread three times a day - you will lose weight and screw your health.
I suspect she has the slowest metabolic rate on record and now has increasing issues with blood pressure problems.

When she stays I try and feed her well ( grilled salmon/chicken, salad with oil dressing/ steamed veggies, fruit to follow etc etc but all she keeps going on about is how 'naughty' it is and how she is 'fat as a fool'

From what I can piece together she eats as little as possible, eats the same food all the time and, after starving for hours she will then 'weaken' and grab a bit chunk of cheese or something.

How can I persuade her to be more sensible.

The worse she eats the less energy she has, the less energy the less excercise and so she puts on weight so she eats less...

She has a boyfriend who lives with her but he seems to sit on his arse all day and i don'tthink is helping [sigh]

I don't think there is an answer as I am so far away but any ideas? The Doctor is now suggesting weekly blood pressure checks and so she may have to miss her next stay here. And I am starting to see her less and get more worried about her health.

If not at least thanks for listening

Honestly?

I think she is probably too old to change her views.

We have similar issues with MIL who can't eat anything without guilt.

Sorry, not really much help unless she is prepared to read "The Diet Delusion" by Gary Taubes.

[sigh]
I think you are probably right. But I think she is making herself very seriously ill now. She is deteriorating all the time.

Thanks anyway

If her doctor can't persuade her that she's suffering from malnutrition you're unlikely to make a difference yourself. People usually have to come to some crunching low-point to change their ways so maybe you'll have to wait until she's admitted to hospital suffering from scurvy or something and then see what happens. At least the doc is seeing her weekly.

She shouldn't read Taubes btw... that man is a gift to the eating disordered.

Unfortunately chil it won't be malnutrition. I am expecting a massive stroke any time now.

[sigh again]

Does she have a Health Visitor for elderly people visiting? I wish my dad had had one. I'm pretty sure she would be entitled, and it's a regular checking process without dragging out to the Doc.

I think it's a good safety net in case more serious stuff develops; but it can start before there are really heavy issues.

There's also whatever Age Concern is called now.

Thats an idea Isaid.

Mum is going to let me know how she got on atthe docs tomorrow so I shall ask her about health visitors etc.
I might see if I can get the Drs number out of her too.
Thanks!

Chili Whats wrong with Taubes????

That's OK pag, good luck. We found out rather too late in the day that actually there's tons of provision for elderly people in their own homes - it makes sense financially because it saves the doctors trekking out to them, and also saves money on hospital beds. Win-win all round. I do think it's good if the HV can gradually build up a relationship of trust, so s/he can then suggest meals on wheels etc when/if the need arises. One of the big pluses of meals on wheels is that they pop in every day and keep an eye on the person, and would notice malnutrition for example.

Is there any chance the doctor could refer her to a dietician (possibly you could discuss it with the doc. if you can get his/her number?)

Yes, a dietician is a good idea too.

She is phoning later - I will nag talk to her.
I wondered about paying her gym membership. She was better when she was going but I think she went because my dad used to encourage her.

Thanks all though. Really helpful

"Chili Whats wrong with Taubes????"

His theory is too simplistic and he champions exclusion & imbalance rather than moderation & variety. If someone like the OP's mother is to recover and thrive they need reassurance that all foods are good.... not reinforcement of her existing fears that great swathes of foods are off limits.

Are we talking about the same Taubes?

Think we may have to agree to disagree on this one.

Apparently recent research at Keele or somewhere (sorry saw it on TV and can't remember details) has found drinking beetroot juice regularly lowers BP.

It does but you just have to be a bit careful not to let it go off, or it can cause food poisoning.