when you cant have more babies

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

Im not really sure where to put this tbh. The decision of weather we could have anymore children was taken out of our hands because of DH treatment.
I thought i was ok with it, we have 2 beutiful girls and i dont do pregnancy very well either so seemed like best to stick at 2. But we had always planned 3.
I really thought it was ok, but im not. Is there somewhere im meant to go, is there some stages i have to go though before im really ok with it?
im very confused

I don't know I am in a similar boat I have rheumatoid arthritis so to get pregnant I would have to come off one of my drugs if I had got pregnant while I was taking them the baby would have been damaged so we made the discussion for daddy to have the snip. Everything was OK until the little one got to 18mths then I was beginning to feel better and could do more and really wanted a baby. There is no way we could have one coming off the drugs would mean not being able to walk of look after a baby anyway but it still hurts. My youngest is stating school in September I don't know how I will cope.

Hi lisad and castle, there have been some discussions about this sort of thing over on the conception threads. You might want to take a look.

castle thanks for posting, nice to know im not alone. DH is going for asnip once his in remission because of the same reason as you. I would post on conception but tbh just had a quick look and bit hard becuase loads of threads about trying for baby kinda bit touchy and couldnt find a suitable thread. Castle sorry to hear your news

oh, I am another one.

we have 2 girls, dd1 is quite severelyASD.

I always wanted 3, dh did too. But, I don't do pregnancy well, the upheaval is immense. I sit fair on dd1to have another? We are just about getting back onour feetafter dd2 - and she is 3!

dd1's school is finally sorted, dd2 will be off to pre-school soon. we can finally start having time to ourselves without having to discuss tribunals, or therapies etc.

It makes sense to not have anymore, but I do so want another.

thing is silverfrog if you are like me you know the risks of another child with ASD are high (DD1 is HFA) and thats another reason to make not have more, so way can i not just be ok with it?

yep.

ASD rife in my family, and also present in dh's. my stepdaughter is AS, my brother and father HFA. I walk a fine line myself, as does other brother.

In fact, I would not be surprised if dd2 ends up with an AS diagnosis. she has the traits, we will see how she is once she starts school.

So the odds are high.

But I still want another

I had severe hyperemesis in both pregnancies, and was told not to have another. Being a pig headed sort, I was going to do it anyway, but DH made it clear he was not up for any more children. I spent a year ranting and raging about the injustice of it all, and quite frankly nearly ripped my marriage apart. In the end, DH agreed to another one just to bring an end to it. I didn't want him to give in though, IYSWIM, I wanted him to want a baby too. In the end, it became immaterial as our GP told me in no uncertain terms that I was unlikely to carry to term, and if I did survive the pregnancy because of all the medication I would need there was a good chance that any resulting child would have problems. I realised that my yearning was totally and utterly selfish against all of the good reasons not to do it again. DH had the snip two weeks ago. I don't think I will ever feel ok about it, tbh, but I know now that if I don't get past it it will destroy the happiness I do have. I've had to make a conscious decision to put it to bed, and I am ridiculously grateful to DH for drawing a line under the whole sad business. No longer can I moon over babygro's in Next and think 'what if?'. Its done, there is no going back.

Not sure if that helps, really.

that's interesting, chickens. I had severe hyperemesis too bothtimes - several times into hospital for rehydration with each pregnancy.

I haven't been told anything about future pregnancies - in a way I wish I had been, it would take the decision out of my hands iyswim.

It is also affecting my marriage. dh wanted 3, and unti very recently the understanding was we would try for another. now he has changed his mind. I can't say I blame him entirely - the house has at least some semblance of order for the first time in years, we have space to hear ourselves think, there is one adult per child, we have finally ditched the buggy etc etc. but it still rankles. I want another, and he has changed his mind.

see DH is being sensible about this. I has PE in first pregnancy and placental failure. Second one resulted in SPD, heart problems, injecting myself daily with blood thinners and placental failures. DD2 shows traits of ASD aswell, that alongside DH cancer and his long term treatment means we would be stupid to have more. But i had always thought and planned for 3 and i know dh would love a boy too

I know how you feel. It is by far the mostsensible decision for us to not have more.

But that doesn'tstop the feelings. And I hurt a lot when I think about not having another baby/child. It really does feel like there is a gap at the table, iyswim?