Sprialling ED - help :(

[Notsurewhattodo33]

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if anyone who had experienced this could help me. Basically when I was much younger I had a fairly minor but significant anorexia problem which has been absent from my life for about 10 years now. Although I've been really well, I have always longed for it to come back as I've always still felt fat (Even though my BMI has never been over 21).

However, over the past 3-4 weeks my problems aare back with a vengence, and the speed of this downward spiral has shocked and terrified me. I've gone from being normal to only being able to manage 3-4 bites of every (very low calorie) meal.

The thing is, I've realised today just how destructive this is, and how I've got so much to lose this time, when I was 18 my parents hated me, I was really depressed about everything and I had no life. I now have a fantastic career and a wonderful DH. It's the lies I've been telling DH that are tearing me apart.

What should I do - shall I see my GP? I've lost weight (and people have started to notice) but I'm not underweight yet. Will my GP just think I'm wasting time? Would I just be better off seeking help privately?

If anyone can offer any advice I'd be so grateful, I'm just scared that I could lose everything very quickly.

Thanks

Did you have counselling in the past? Can you recall how you managed to get betetr the first time? Has something happened to trigger this recurrence?
Sorry for all the q's, just trying to get a better idea what's happening and why iyswim.

Counselling is always an option...you could potentially get referred quite fast if you put your case strongly enough.

I think you need to be brave and speak to your dh about it now tonight and then get yourself to the GP pronto, however I know nothing about ED but the fact you are lying to your DH to cover up says that if he knew you wouldn't be battling it on your own anymore.

The earlier you seek help the better ime.

This can be stopped early - especially as you realise how destructive it is. There are lots of treatments now - counselling, ADs, ED clinics, CBT. Your GP will offer you a choice.

How did you 'get over it' last time?

IME its never truely dealt with and will always be there as a coping mechanisim in times of distress

Yes, I had counselling before which worked a bit, in that it got rid of the problem but I still hated myself and have longed to be thinner nearly every day.

I'm not sure what has triggered this but I've been tying my mind in to knots about anything and everything for months now and have had quite high anxiety levels, but why now, I'm really not sure.

I used to suffer very badly from depression and I used to keep it all to myself but if I kept talking and verbalising it all to dh or counsellor it really helped. I wonder if you started off with just some little thoughts about it all and have let them grow in your mind until they are the huge thing they are now, rather than there being a particular trigger?

It sounds as though the counselling was a bit of a quick fix, before...perhaps the root of the problem didn't get uncovered.

I'd definitely suggest telling the GP and trying to get some idea of a timescale for something being done...if it looks like a longish wait, then yes, go private - but I think it's imperative that you tell your DH... sorry. I know that will be v difficult to do.

Fwiw I'm in a similar position but something stops me really going for it with the eating/not eating.

I seem to have some sense of protection for myself now...not sure where it came from. But I did let it get very serious the first time, and had to get myself out of it very slowly and painfully and maybe that was the turning point. It was do or die, iyswim. Something snapped I think.

So sorry you are going through this, I know how scary it is. There is hope, however...really, there is.

Thanks everyone - DH is away until Tuesday. It will give me a bit of time to think. All the terrible lies I've told him keep spiraling around in my head. He's a very practical person and I think he'll struggle. He does know about the past though.

Also scared of all GPs at my surgery!

Do not use it as an excuse not to tell him, perhaps you could send him a text just so he knows you're not okay but you are going to do something about it, also you could tell him how you need a really huge cuddle when he gets back.

If he's rubbish at emotional support you need to tell him what to do, may not actually mean he's much better at giving it but it did help me when I told dh he had to cuddle me in bed and listen to the stuff I had to tell him and he didn't need to offer any solutions! It was a good habit we got into tbh.