**TAMOXIFEN** 4th thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

Hi everyone,
Well I won't be on the Telly as for some reason they did not pick out my picture as anything ultra- interesting. However we had a nice time (its all very civilised of course and everyone is ultra co-operative) and it was a nice atmosphere and I got my picture valued. Mind you, even tho we arrived right at the start I would not have coped with the queue. After about 40 mins I asked how long it would be as I wasn't feeling very good, so very nice steward moved me to the front of the queue! With the kind permission of the next couple who didn't seem to mind.

It is worth getting my picture and frame restored so I'll do that as I'm v. fond of the picture - my dad used to have it by hs chair and reading lamp and its a soft sort of fruity still life - very good, warm, attractive tones of colour.

Was wiped out on return.

Will now find out who this Mary lady is

Pennies - sorry its tough at present. I guess you get past the physical ordeals then have to confront the psychological ones - haven't thought about the cancer groupie thing, but don't want to be defined by cancer or having had it. I suppose we all have to find our way through that one while getting enough support. I do tend to find its the only subject I'm readily able to speak about, rather a lot, so am still in the groupie stage at the mo.

Good luck with pesky teeth, pleasant gardening etc.

Any chance you're in a background shot SR? Picture sounds lovely - still, a very hot day for standing around, I should think. Also best not to be on air: I always think the people who go on TV with their nice stuff can expect a visit from Burglar Bill quite soon after their show is aired. At least this way only you know what happened.

Pennies - I am never sure about these groups either, the only place I go to chat about cancer is here, but I imagine they are all very different and some might be great, while others will be less so. It really is suck it and see. I am sorry you are so anxious. I think it afflicts us all from time to time, and for quite a long time. I have always found a riotous night out helps lessen my worries pretty effectively, but then I am quite shallow

I have now thrown out quite a lot of stuff, just in time as dh has returned. It is all stashed in the boot of my car so it can variously go to charity shop/tip at some point (quite soon, as dh often uses my car - can't risk him opening up the boot!)

I quite appreciate the 'not wanting to be defined by cancer' sentiments. I completely agree. The groups I go to are exercise groups for people with cancer (yoga, aquafit and keep fit) so really full of people who want to get fit and well again, and enjoy a coffee together afterwards. I also go to informaton sessions at the Big 'C' centre. But other than that, I generally hang out with unafflicted types!

I've planted up one border, weeded another, and one of DS's friends has kindly taken some rubbish away for me as he has a skip.

Sorry you won't be on telly SR, but its nice you got your picture valued. The queues always look very long on television, - I'm glad they put you in front.

I forgot to say yesterday, a friend of ours had her garden robbed a couple of nights ago. They took her wooden garden seat, and dug up and removed a whole load of her plants and shrubs. How mean can you get?

that's horribly mean KK
Sorry we'll not see you on antiques r/show SR but it was kind of them to put you to the top of the queue.
Took ds for a hair cut just now and was reading a Hello and saw pictures of your celeb. party Pennies ! Queen Rania did look fabulous.

Another celeb free day. Heartless sods. Have eaten half a tub of chocolate ice cream to make myself feel better.

Awful re. those garden thieves. I hear it's becoming quite a common crime these days.

Just tuned back in, and this is now Yoga central.. Haven't done any for years due to back problems, but pilates is pretty sound. You don't even have to move very much.

MAS, tooth collapsing sounds annoying in so many ways. But MP sounds far more fun. Heard on R4 that that pigtails are back. Could you be tempted if the great woman insists..?!

Pennies, that's sad you're in a dark place. Doubt it'll help, but from the little I've read on here, I think you've done astoundingly to get this far without collapsing in a heap.

fwiw I'm not sure I want to do the group things either. I'd jump at it if I could be guaranteed a group of anarchic wondrous women, but I haven't quite got the energy to go and find out. I'm not sure where you live, but the BC site are running a day for Younger Women in London soon. (Apparently I'm one too, though I feel about 90 at the moment.) It's in June at some point. A friend told me about it, but am thinking for now I won't, though am not too sure why really.

Kurri, that's horrible about the garden thieves. Must have been really unsettling for your friend. When some idiots took DS's tomato plants from our teeny front garden I put a big notice on the gate saying : "To the Tomato thieves. You made a three year old cry. Hope you can live with that ." Certainly made me feel better!

uh,I think I will avoid the pigtails,even if Mary says it's ok (somehow I doubt she'd recommend them for the mature woman !)
Excellent tomato thief notice smee - hope they saw it and felt suitably chastised.

Garden theft is pretty spiteful isn't it? We have had a few around here, too (the people at the end keep getting their pond filter removed), and at my Mum's, where it is retired gardening enthusiast central, the hanging baskets regularly get hauled off. How friggin mean. But especially a three year old's tomatoes.

A group with anarchic wondrous women, smee, that is a nice, nice thought. If you find one, count me in (I'll even travel). And I have anarchic credentials. DD said to me and dh the other day - Mum, you and Dad aren't like my friends' Mums and Dads'
Me: (nervously, as I have always known I was winging it) 'Why?'
DD: 'They just say cross things like - put that in the washing bin - while you and Dad make up a song about it, or put it on your head.

Mind you, the house is a tip.

oh Cakes, you do make me laugh !
Am going to make coffee and go up to do some work,having dusted (deeply boring ) ...hope everyone is feeling fine today and enjoying the sun and warmth.

re whether parents are like other parents! My DS thinks we're a bit weird. We did finally get some decorating done a couple of years ago and he was so relieved and said it almost looked like a normal house!

So mean about the garden thefts - honestly, who would do that?

I might be in a background shot Cakes - difficult to know whether we were being filmed - I'll alert you all pre-broadcast!

I have to go and have a rest now as have spent 45 extremely detailed mins on the phone to DWP to see if I can claim anything with being off sick. Feel all washed out again now. Detail always does this to me at the best of times and now its done me in!!

Rest well SR - and don't forget to give us the heads up so we can take a look for a lady in a headscarf holding a nice painting of fruit.

So SR is resting, MAS is working, and everyone else has gone AWOL for a bit. Sigh. I can see I'm going to have to work myself.

hope you're resting SR
Are you working Cakes ?
I've drawn most of the picture I'm working on (for a 2 year old girl) and am having a little break.
My parents friends took a weird table they owned to an Antiques roadshow in Bath last summer - it was very unusual,oval glass topped with a giant hand at it's base holding the table top - incredibly kitsch- I was sure it would be featured so sat through the whole programme but they weren't on - just saw them in the background,which was quite exciting.

No, not working at all. Doing a bit of dusting and about to go swimming.

I lurve Antiques Roadshow. I have nothing worth taking along. Dh bought me an 'antique' table that I liked once - when we got it home and I cleaned it, it became apparent someone had made it themselves out of an old tead chest. Fortunately it did not cost a lot, and I still use it, it looks really nice as long as you don't turn it upside down to clean it (and as i am a slattern, I rarely do)

Hi, I rested for a while then decided I felt quite a lot better today. So I walked to the afrm at the back of our house and bought some veg. It's taken me 18 years to do this!! Major achievement. Just usually so in the rut of full time work and supermarket that I never got round to it,
There is a little market garden and its nice and old-fashioned - I bought carrots covered in soil, cabbage he went out to pick for me, a few onions, rhubarb and FR eggs. How cool is that. Really enjoyed this 15 minute outing and am now converted, shamefacedly.

Then a friend had a lunch for 9 of us in the village - great to sit outside, in the shade on such a lovely day. Really enjoyed it. (beginning to realise I should never have opted for full on career, full time working all these years etc - how will I ever want to go back to work )

Then I went for a chat with another friend - again sat in the garden with a glass of mineral water (I know how to rave it up) having a very nice hour and a half. Isn't summer a good thing.

Will go and put my feet up now as all this involved about half an hour walking. Really should do some shopping - have made rather disguisting chilli concoction from what I could find in cupboard. No beans so used green lentils- hmmmmmm not terrific .

My DS has got one GCS out of the way today - clearly wore him out as has spent the remaining hours with 4 friends in front of a screen...they appear to have ignored the chilli and gone for pesto - wise I think.

Hello!

OMG. On the spur of the moment today I signed myself up to a 90m sq. allotment! It is a thing being run by a local garden centre and for £10 a week you get a huge space, plus a green house, a shed, a compster and a water barrel and you can grow pretty much what you like. It's all in a field right next to the garden centre so if you need advice on anything you can just go there and ask them and you can also get what you need if you want to as well. There's a gardeners club that meets once a month and you can of course use all the loos and have a meal there too if you like! It's brand new thing just being set up so it's great to be involved at the start because they're really looking for input and ideas. They're thinking of taking over another field so we can set up an orchard as well. Children are welcome too, the local school has bought a plot. How fab is that? I've got a plot right next to friend of mine and I think we're going to have some great times there!

Had lunch with one of my chemo buddies. She's very very upset about the physical toll of BC. She was desperate not to lose her ahir and has been using the ice cap but is finding it too tough to continue so she's really mourning the impending loss of hair as well as being terribly worried about her surgery scars. I'm very matter of fact and of the "it will pass" mindset so I think she felt I rather dismissed her concerns when in actual fact I was trying to make her feel better. Bugger.

This weather makes it all so much more doable doesn't it!

Pennies - allotment sounds great !! sounds a brilliant set up - well done ! think of the lovely fresh things you'll grow !
Don't feel badly about your chemo friend - am sure she'll see that you were trying to be positive and to cheer her- esp as it's not someone who doesn't know what it's like trying to do it,if that makes sense !
SR - glad you were feeling better yesterday -sounds a really nice day too. Hope you ds sails through his other exams.
Going out this evening with my parents to celebrate my dad's birthday - think dh will do some gardening & I will do some cleaning !

Pennies - the allotment sounds really fab - excellent to be in it from the start and you'll have loads of back-breaking sessions fun and so many veg you'll be making chutney for the World Cup. Enjoy!

Hey Pennies
MAS is my sil and she mentioned that you're in a similar situation to the one I was in when I had cancer. She's already mentioned that I was diagnosed at 33 with a grade 3 HER2+ tumour (is that called HR now?) and had surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and then Herception for a year (which I had to fight for, twice!). I was discharged from oncology in March, and will be giving up my arimidex and zoladex injections in September, which will be my 5 year anniversary. And I'm doing a big run next week for the first time in 15 years in a kind of celebration of life!
I wanted to say that I think that the psychological part of having cancer was as hard as the physical side effects of chemo. It was a massive massive shock to start with, and then it was just a long old slog through chemo. My husband had to completely take over care of our 3 year old and I felt totally useless (and sick!). I never went to a support group because, for me, I needed to avoid meeting other people who were negative about their diagnosis and prognosis, and I didn't have much in common with the older women either. So I totally understand how you feel about going to the support group you went to. I did use the breast cancer support forums on the breast cancer care website for a while, but I eventually realised that these made me depressed so gave up unless I had a specific query. It's brilliant that you have this mumsnet thread and people to talk to here. And you are nearly through chemo - it is a brilliant feeling once you get out the other side of the last treatment.
Herception did go on for ages, but I put a big thing on my fridge and crossed off the cycles as we went through them. I also had the majority of my treatments at home, so there was minimal disruption to my every day life and I wasn't going to hospital every three weeks (that was fantastic!). The only side effect I had was an occasional headache and a bit of tiredness, so it's really just the inconvenience of having to have the treatment.
I booked myself in for a holiday after radiotherapy. It was fab to have something to aim for, and brilliant to have a break after the two main sets of treatment - maybe look at doing that?
Hope your last cycles of chemo are bearable and that you able to find something to look forward to. All the best with it!

thanks lalaa and thanks for having my boy today and for sending photos of him sailing -yay !
hope everyone had a good weekend - think of me in the dentist's chair tomorrow

Good luck at the dentist tomorrow MAS.
Hello Lalaa nice to see you again, lovely to hear you are doing so well.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been gardening most of the time and am knackered. So will post properly tomorrow. Off to wallow in the bath now

Hi Lalaa. what a lovely post, as always. I absolutely feel the same about the psychological effects, I am still not at all easy in my mind now, and that is a new thing for me, I normally live in denial of bad things, and managed to do that during treatment, but I often have a lurking, non-specific unease now. It too will pass.

Pennies, that allotment things sounds fab, I am quite envious. We have a big piece of land we could use, but the fellow gardeners around you, and the advice on hand, (plus loos and lucnhes cooked by someone else) will make it a much nicer proposition! Enjoy it (but don't overdo it).

Hope ds does well in his GCSEs SR! Hope everyone had a lovely summery weekend, and has not managed to get themsleves burned (esp the chemo ladies)

Fill us in (see what I did there?!) about the dentist later MAS - hope it goes OK.

Hello to all - how wonderful is this sun??

Lalaa, what an inspiring way to post. To hear someone who's gone through it all and understands makes an immense difference. Nice of you to take the time.

Pennies, am at your allotment. You're a braver woman than I. Am still thinking about a few carrot seedlings, though have probably left those too late.

Met Oncologist on Friday. Fab woman and not at all what I expected. Clearly v.bright, but also eccentric, funny and completely got my sense of humour. DH and the BC Nurse looked a bit bemused as we riffed though varying degrees of bad taste jokes. Still 3xFEC / 3xTax for me, starting a week Friday. And as you've all wisely said it feels far more doable now I know a few dates.

Also went to Brighton to see a friend's play on Friday and stood outside the pub with a pint in my hand feeling like I was back to normal. Yeay for good friends, eh. Reminded me that life is very much worth getting out and about for.

MAS, wishing your tooth sorted. I'm going tomorrow, and expect to be told off as it's been a while. Am hoping the cancer diagnosis might make her a bit kinder than usual. She's more than a little brusque.

Hope you're all out in this sun. Enjoy while it lasts. Apparently it's leaving us tomorrow.

Good news, smee. Onc sounds fabulous, and you now have a plan confirmed. The sooner you start on that road, the sooner you get off the other end. Get some sun on you now, girl! (it's not a good idea during the chemo itself)

Hi, yes I am enjoying the weather but keeping out of the sun, buy using cream and also my fab wide brimmed lime green hat that I bought in Oz 2 years ago. I wonder what actually happens if you do get burned while on chemo??

Smee - glad you've got a plan. Good luck with it all. How is your arm. I'm pleased with mine now - the tendon string has almost disappeared and all pain has gone (Its 6 weeks tomorrow since last op!)

I do feel rather flattened by chemo still so still taking things pretty easy. I guess the drugs accumulate in the system as you proceed. Constant heart-burn - minor but will be nice when it eventually goes away. Low energy - ditto.

So yes, it is great to hear from all you who have finished this bit and are going strong.

I'll try a walk this afternoon as that usually helps. Did some Italian conversation this am.

I don't think anything specific happens if you burn on chemo - I think it is just a bit more likely because the skin is more sensitive, and also it is another bit of crap you just don't need.

Chemo does bring you progressively lower - but not long now, SR. And at least the arm is doing well. Yay!