Aspergers in adulthood - unsure

[Scorps]

I have suspected for a while I may have Aspergers. I have read alot online and it's like a lightbulb moment to alot of my behaviours and difficulties.

My husband recognises alot of it too; he knows a male with Aspergers and sees very similar traits.

What do I do? Can't some people just 'be that way'? Do I visit the GP? What good will it do me knowing?

Have completed online autism quotient tests that I score very highly in, they're suggestive of it too.

I'm 25 btw, no learning problems at all (quite the oppoiste really) and my parents haven't ever noticed anything, apart from I was born 25 and never played imaginatevely, always talked well and I did have friends.

My best friend agrees with me and H though.

There is no support for adults with Aspergers from the NHS. From this perspective, visiting the GP will not help you.

Given that the diagnosis is subjective, you might find yourself in as good a position as a professional regarding the actual diagnostic process.

My brother is diagnosed. I'm not because I haven't been assessed.

The primary reason for diagnosing children is so that they can access help. Since there is no help available for adults, this doesn't apply to you.

I would say that unless it is upsetting you, it is no problem.

You see, that's the thing - apart from the social difficulties first off, I feel fine, it's just others recognising things that I feel are NT or 'normal' that aren't - like getting obsessive over a few topics, my memory, and how everything must be black or White, no grey.

I don't feel like I need extra help - but maybe a diagnosis for others may be helpful (esp H).

Scorps, I won't answer too much here - both because I have no practical knowledge (in rl) about Aspergers, but from what I've read, I'm not entirely convinced. The National Autistic Society has more info here.

I've known (and talked for hours) to you for more than two years on an almost daily basis, and I've never noticed anything out of the ordinary. You converse very well, about a broad range of subject, and you pick up "vibes" and feelings (at least written) very well. Also, since I often use metaphors (can't help myself!) and you know what I mean - it is obvious by your responses - I'm not sure whether you have the social difficulty usually portrayed by Aspergers sufferers (sorry, not sure if right word, not meant to offend).

Also, you have a lot of very good friends that you've had for years. A lot of the way you react to others might be learnt behaviour, e.g. if husband didn't like you to speak to other men, you'd start distancing yourself from them over the years etc.

If you do have Aspergers and you feel you need help, fine, but I wonder if this is not an attempt to shift the blame for other things to you. Sorry, not meant to drag anything else in here, but just consider that.

Scorps, I don't really 'know' you on here but I am in a similar situation.

One thing I'd advise is not to go round mentioning it...people in my epxerience have either denied I could possibly have it, I am obviously suffering from a 'mild form' or said that the test is a load of rubbish and they scored 12, but actually in a different mood they might score higher - I dunno, maybe up it to 15.

I did it several times and scored between 35ish and 47, trying very hard on the 35 one to lean the other way, iyswim - weight my own answers to a 'best day' scenario.

It has helped me to know, though, because it makes SO much sense.

Often adults don't show the same level of social awkwardness because they have had many years to adapt and learn coping strategies and cover ups. Especially with the high IQ many of us seem to have.

Also we may appear sociable enough but usually this is at a huge cost, ie it fries our brains. It's very hard indeed to get this across to people who don't understand it.

Sal I have wondered that, but in RL I have alot of the difficulties listed.

Alot of my friends are childhood ones - 'new' friends find me aloof on meeting for a while. I never know what to say and find social occasions awkward alot of the time.

I do understand metaphor, but not peoples faces and I often have to ask if it was a joke or to explain the humour. I don't understand things that are either make believe or based in fiction - I want to know the exact workings of things and why, all the time.

I have a weird numerical memory - I can remember everyones car registration, back to when I was a child until now. I can remember exact dates, days and times, measurements, everything.

It's hard trying to explain in words, and I find it easy online etc but RL is different.

Fliight - I always go with someone I feel 'safe' with and who I know won't leave me alone!

I have weird aversions to noise and lights too.

Ah, you know what, I'm probably just a bit overprotective of you now. Ignore me.

So in response to your OP, I think if it doesn't make you unhappy, if your life is ok with it, I wouldn't worry about it. We all have our little quirks, and I'm sure if we're tested for various things, a lot of us would be diagnosed. I'm sure dh has some of the symptoms of Autism (I can't remember which "type", we did a test out of interest once, and he was very very high) - but in his case it helped him, because he's in such a career that attention to minute detail and a little obsession with the task at hand is actually required. Yes, it drives me insane sometimes as he'll forget about anything else while he's busy with a major task, but at the same time, we wouldn't have had the life we do if it wasn't for that. So yes, knowing why someone is a certain way might help you understand them better, but it doesn't necessarily mean changing would be for the best.

I have weird aversions to motorcades.

have been known to run screaming...

anyway, ahem. You sound a lot like me - I've always remembered car registrations, birthdays, useless but important(!) stuff like that.

Flight - on the tests my H and friend got under ten. I got high 40s.

Sorry, my computer playing up there, so crossposted with you both.

I guess you knowing would mean you understanding yourself better. Well, you're already doing that, and it is helpful that your friends understand.

I'm useless with this as I clearly have no experience, will sit back now and learn some more. Hope you're ok.

There you go, then.

welcome

it's a nightmare getting a formal dx on the NHS though...or any sort of understanding.

my gp told me it is a 'child's illness'

right.

Fliight, out of interest - do you think having a formal dx helped (or would have?) at all, or would they still just say "but there's nothing we can do" or something in that line? I find this interesting as I'd love to understand more, but don't want to appear nosy.

My GP is fantastic but do I just go and say 'excuse me but I think I have Aspergers'?!?!

H has a friend who has Aspergers and sees so many similarities - his wife has met me and thinks so too, lol. I showed my friend that website Sal and asked what she thought an she is inclined to agree.

It's just things like being pregnant - I hav to know everything. Same with BF. Everything has to be logical and ordered, based in fact. I can understand others may feel sad etc but I have difficulties with emotion guessing and expressions. I often feel people are cross with me, because they're not smiling.

I have to do things a certain way, even walking set ways to places. I'm a neat freak! If I have something in mind I can't really think of anything else, if that makessense.

Ah, ok.

Tbh they'd probably still say there's nothing they can do.

It's really a case of learning to live with it, makes ways round any issues, but most helpful of all to me was the aspect concerning self acceptance.

In fact a couple of years ago I was a very different person to who I am now, and I think a good part of that is my knowing why I am like I am, and not feeling I am just 'getting it all wrong' or hopelessly inadequate as a human being. I make my excuses for events I know will freak me out.
I avoid people I don't find easy enough to deal with, and I know why I get 'that look' after a while from everyone (almost) who tries to befriend me.

It still makes me incredibly sad, and having the knowledge its unlikely to improve has made me a bit depressed at times - thinking I'll never meet a bloke who isn't put off, that kind of thing - but it's easier for me as someone with AS to know the facts, because you can't alter them and therfore it's better to try and ameliorate the situation knowing what Im dealing with.

Hope that makes a bit of sense.

Yes, that's why I feel like maybe even a chat with doctor to see what he thinks may help.

I know what you mean about the look!

That is a really helpful and lovely, and sad at times, post. But also in a way positive. Self acceptance is probably the most desired trait of all, for all of us.

I'll try and remember that it might be difficult from the other side of the conversation too - so often we (I) just assume someone who appears aloof / disinterested is just that, not keen to talk to us. Sometimes that might be true, but I'll definitely remember that it might just not be something that comes naturally.

It's weird really, we (I, again, I guess I can't keep covering behind others) easily accept that children could struggle to communicate, but with well-functioning (on the surface - good jobs, lovely families, etc etc) adults, choice is usually assumed.

Sal - yes it's often assumed I'm snobby or stuck up upon first meetings, (especially as I try to look nice and my vocabulary is quite good) when it's not exactly shyness but literally not knowing what to do with myself.

I feel very similarly to flight.
"In fact a couple of years ago I was a very different person to who I am now, and I think a good part of that is my knowing why I am like I am, and not feeling I am just 'getting it all wrong' or hopelessly inadequate as a human being".

I have chosen not to go for a diagnosis as 1)I already have mental health labels so am not keen to add to the collection and 2)I don't want any form of official "help". But some people understandably may still want the official diagnosis for peace of mind/self understanding even if practically there won't be any assistance.

TC I concur; I'm sorry if I've not been clear, but I don't have a formal diagnosis - despite asking for one for several months, and being referred back and forth between the GP and the MH team...neither was prepared to do it.

So I gave up. But tbh I'm not sure if it would help me - having completed a recognised assessment online and scored a mile over the NT limit, as such, I'm fairly happy to consider it accurate because it fits the pattern of my life.

However that niggling doubt remains that maybe I am just another geek who wants to be 'special' somehow, and don't really have it at all, and Oh GOD I really am a crappy human being with appalling social skills, but it's actually not AS but deliberate.

Hmmm.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just this way and that's it, nothing more, but the set of 'symptoms' and then the test scores can't merely be coincidence can they?

I also think how I could I have reached 25 without realising? I have always had the issues but concluded I was shy in some way, and that the other things are just personality traits and that I have a good memory.

Just bumping this up...

I would advise you google Aspergers in girls/women. It seems that Aspergers presents differently in girls and that it is far harder to detect in girls as Asperger girls can become very skilled at social mimicking in order to blend in. Asperger girls tend to escape into fantasy worlds and love reading novels, in contrast to the typical description of Aspergers. They can also have very advanced language skills and their lack of social skills is often dismissed as mere shyness.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have some form of it myself. Certainly, reading accounts of Aspergers in girlhood online, a lot of bells have rung for me. I don't really see what good a diagnosis would do for me now (I manage ok in life even if I do come across as being a bit quirky/shy at times) but I'm very interested in discussing the topic all the same.

Here (www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200611/aspie-in-the-city) might be a good place to start reading about Aspergers in girls.