Epilepsy - just had a fit and I feel naff.

[TottWriter]

A big part of me feels I have no right to complain - my fits are mostly controlled by medication, and they only happen a few times a month now, but I'm also 25 and a bit weeks pregnant, and so I'm probably a bit hormonal.

My DP was really worried about me, as usual, and I think he's struggling to cope with the stress (he has depression).

I've never completely lost consciousness (I think...) but for the last year or so my fits have been heading in that direction, and obviously being pg right now he's really worried because I'm a lot more unresponsive during them than I was when we met, at which time they were very convulsive but I could often stutter my way to speech throughout, or at least do something other than feel completely paralysed on the floor/sofa/wherever I am when it happens.

Sorry, just a bit of a rant really, I hate feeling sorry for myself, but we were going to go out to the shops a few minutes before it started, and it's a lovely day and I just feel like I've ruined it, and now my DP is scared to let me out of his sight most of the time, and is stressing himself into a pit of despair trying to look after myself as well as our DS, and I just feel like it's all my fault.

hi tott........couldnt let it go unanswered. Try not to let everything feel like it is your fault...you didnt ask for this condition.

it must be difficult for DP watching you fit and with him having depression it will probably make him extremely anxious.

When you feel ok ,just sit and talk to him and try and reassure him.

How about finding him some literature explaining how dangerous epilepsy normally isn't

Is he scared of leaving you alone with the children? because I must admit, I would be if I were in his shoes.

He doesn't leave me alone, coldtits. He's home all day with me as my carer because it really isn't safe otherwise. He would get carer allowance but as it would just be deducted from our ESA there's not a lot of point in claiming.

And I guess the trouble is that although he knows that I'm always okay afterward, he just lives in fear of there being a time when I'm not. He's admitted that he knows I'm okay, and that it will be alright, but that he just can't stop worrying anyway.

I guess the main problem is that I keep blaming myself anyway. But he does worry a lot when we go out, or if one of us has to nip to the shops for a couple of things. Also, he does have to have some 'him' time sometimes, but he can't ever really switch off, and the low self esteem he has with the depression means he doesn't want to get help or a respite for himself because he'll feel like a failure. So he soldiers on and makes himself exhausted. And worries more because he's tired.

Poor you. I think that, at 25 weeks pg, you're permitted a little self-pity. It must be a scary time, and hard for you to have to keep reassuring DP.

It does sounds, though, as if your DP could benefit from some support from outside of your family. Are there any carer-type organisations that could put him in touch with other partners of people with epilepsy... or aanything similar?

I've tried asking him to get support, but the biggest problem is that his depression means he really can't cope with people. Sadly he comes from a family of 'put on a brave face and act like there is absoultely nothing wrong' people, and feels like an utter failure for needing help at all.

Sometimes I think it's the stress of worrying about him that gives me some of these fits in the first place. But of course, I can't tell him that because it will make him worse. Arg! It's such a vicious cycle!