How to cope with the sleep deprivation?

[OrganicHairbrush]

I'm putting this here because I know the problem is mine rather than DD's. She's just in the midst of a rapid 4 month growth spurt and is waking to demand BFing every 1 1/2 - 2 hours at night and always gives me a big thank you grin before falling asleep again contentedly. I wouldn't mind, but I've got existing health problems which mean that I can't cope. I've barely been out of bed all week, am knocking back silly amounts of coffee simply to stay awake long enough to handle each feed (though I have learned to feed her lying on my side whilst co-sleeping, which helps) and am leaving virtually everything except feeding to DH. I just feel as though DD needs more stimulation and fun, DH deserves his life back and that I would really like to be able to show DD the daffodils in the park. I feel as though I can't talk to the HV (my whole situation seems to stress her senseless, and I don't want to have to keep reassuring her that DD is OK), and when I went to a Sure Start group all they could suggest was involving SS which (though I'm sure they meant to be helpful) scared the shit out of me (and in any case, DH is being brilliant, so DD is in no way at risk). I don't think I have PND, but the exhaustion and the isolation and frustration of it all is really getting me down.

All I want is to get out and show DD her first daffodils. A friend brought her some in a vase yesterday which was lovely, but it still wasn't the same.

Or AIBU and should just count my blessings that DD is happy and well-cared for by such a wonderful father? Should I just give up BFing (though I really enjoy it, and DD seems to as well) and allow DH to feed her as well as everything else?

you don't have to give up bf at all - but giving your DD a bottle (formula or EBM) would allow you enough time to get some sleep. I am an enormous fan of BF but I am a bigger fan of children having sane mothers! if it helps you out for a bit then fine -

also the caffeine in the coffee could be triggering DD to wake so often?

it's not the end of the world if you let her have a bottle - FWIW my DS2 was a total bottle snob and would never ever take a bottle - it was a right PITA if I am honest.

if you have underlying health conditions anyway it may give you some peace of mind to know that DD will happily take a bottle if you were unable to feed her for a bit?

good luck and hope you see the daffs soon

First of all, go easy on yourself. 4 mths is practically fresh out of the womb and although your DD will coo at the daffodils this year, she's not going to actually remember them. There is a lot of pressure on new mums to be doing "baby yoga", "baby swimming", and taking the baby to all manner of groups, but at the end of the day cuddling up to you, being fed (the best milk available) regularly, hearing the sound of your voice, feeling the warmth of your body, is all great stimulation and reassurance for a little baby.

If you can cut back on the coffee for a couple of days it will help you settle between nocturnal BFs more quickly and may help your baby settle better at night too. Could you express a bottle of BM and let your partner do the 10pm(ish) feed. That way you could get to bed around 9 and maybe get 4 straight hours until the early morning feed?

Make sure you get a nap when your LO is napping during the day time, and don't beat yourself up about housework/cooking - take easy options (flashwipes & oven pizzas etc) and just step back and accept that life is going to be on slow-time for the next few months. Things will gradually get easier. You are not alone - if you feel down, post on MN (after your nap!) or maybe call another mum you know so you can commiserate each other on your lack of sleep!

Hope things get easier soon.

I absolutely second expressing and trying your daughter on a bottle. In my experience, a 6 hour stretch makes you feel like a new woman!

It is hard to suggest anything else as I don't know the extent of your other health issues. It may sound flippant to suggest that you have some defined 'daytime' where you are out of bed (albeit on the sofa!), dressed and showered if you can manage it.

Try going for high energy snacks rather than lots of coffee - I lived on peanut butter toast for example. And loads of water - starting with a full glass at every feed was how I did it.

What other support do you have apart from DH?

as someone who fed ds2 for a long long time and is still feeding ds3 at 19 months, both of whom were/are horrendous sleepers, my advice is surrender yourself to it.

I havespent years and years vbeing fed up about it but once I accepted it as part of life, I stopped feeling fed up.

They aren't little for long.

BF is a wonderful thing

sorry just read OP more thoroughly - what are your health issues?

I actually found that if we got out of the house then i didn't feel so tired, it kind of took my mind off it. if we stayed in the house though i would just lie on the couch moaning and feel worse for it.

It is totally hellish and you have my sympathy. It will get better, I think 4 months was the worst point for me too.

Thanks. I'm expressing now as I type. I think that a longer stretch of sleep probably will give me the energy at least to get out tomorrow, and I'm sure that'll make me feel less miserable.

I'll try less coffee too. Hadn't thought of that.

Definitely, definitely eliminate the coffee. I'm saying that from experience. In my first few months after baby #3 I used to drink several cups a day "just to keep going" and it took me a little while to realize that it was causing the baby to wake up several times during the night and it made me have the most awful mood swings. Get out for some fresh air and long walks; it'll make you both feel better and sleep better; the daffodils sound lovely--we don't get many here