dementia? how can you tell?

[OTTMummA]

Hello,
I need some help in trying to work out if a family member has dementia.

background is that the family members mother died of dementia at 65 yrs old, and said family member is now 58.

have noticed for over a yr now that they keep forgetting recently aquired info and also things they themselves have said.

They have also progressively got worse in taking care of household chores and its now to the point where the house looks out of place in its neighbourhood.
and other family members have had to arrange repairs to be done as the family member doesn't remember to do it, seems to be oblivious to the situation or not bothered.

This person lives alone and is retired.
also gets angry quickly when something goes wrong and is repeating themselves/ stories every few weeks.

Im pretty sure they are suffering with some form of memory loss or posible dementia.
the family members mum apparently went down hill quite quickly and i am worried no one else has noticed or done anything.

Im not the closest relation to this person, but have experience caring for elderly people with these problems and for a 58 yr old they seem much older :S

should i say something to a closer realtion or is it really not my place?
I did mention to another family member that the house never looked like that when i used to visit a few yrs ago, and they just fobbed it off and didn't really give me an explanation or reason.

am actualy really concerned that no one seems to be bothering although they do help the family member out a lot.

WWYD?

It certainly sounds like your relative should be seen by a docor to assess mental state as the issues you mentioned would raise concerns.

I would approach a close family member and be very clear about your concerns especially regarding memory loss, behavioural changes and difficulty in self care/home care. They may have already contacted the gp...but you won't know unless you ask.

good luck

The basic test for dementia is very simple and once assessed, they would do further tests to confirm.
However, as well as different types of dementia, there are also other things that it could be, such as depression, which could result in similar behaviour (especially not doing household chores etc). You really need to gently speak to the closer relative and say that you're concerned that the relative may not be well and ask if they've thought about having an assessment done. Obviously if it is dementia of some kind, there are safety issues to consider as this person is living alone curently, such as leaving the gas hob on, not swtiching the fire off properly etc. Dementia can come on very quickly or it may take a while for big changes to occur but it does sound as though something isn't right.

I would also speak to a family member and be quite clear about your concerns, but be aware that even if they have noted the same things as you have, they may not be ready themselves to acknowledge that it is dementia.

I'm speaking from experience - it appeared to me from several years ago that my grandfather was repeating himself, living more in the past than the future, getting angry about things just as you say. But people in the family would just talk about 'Grandad's stories' without recognising that there might be a medical condition behind his behaviour. Although I talked to my mum about it, it took at least another year before she recognised it herself. And in this time he had become progressively more dangerous for himself and others. And after that, it took even longer for them to get the GP and my grandma to acknowledge what was going on.

In other words, it might be an uphill struggle.

But I'm sure the people concerned will thank you in the end.

Hi I agree with the others do talk to the family esp if this is happening slowly over time We just thought my Nana was getting old and forgetful until I came into find that she was trying to light a fire in the middle of the sitting room floor, After assessment etc so many people started telling us things we never knew it was scary and tbh we would have prefered to have been told and upset then for it to have been ignored. And as Luciemule has said it can be dangerous, Is the district nurse involved/homehelp or anything like that ? [at 58 they might be to young] could you talk to them as they can report concerns or even speak to the GP? It is very hard to know what to do Good luck which ever you decide to do

Could you contact the alzhiemers [sp?] Society they may be able to give you advice

no I mean the family members. My mum and her sister took ages to agree that Grandad had dementia, although the signs were there. Grandma took even longer.

My nan has gradually got worse over the last year and it all started with her telling us she had mice. She would swear blind she saw them but always managed to clean up their mess before my mum turned up. She covered the sofa in newspaper every night. There were no mice but apparently seeing mice and people is a common symptom at the start of dementia.She's a lot worse now but lukcily is still okay to be in her own home, although we've switched off the gas to the fire and cooker for her safety. Before your relative got any outside help at home (unless it was private), they would have to be assessed.

I would say something to a closer relative, OP. My Dad had dementia that seemed to progress quite quickly, but when you really think about it he wasn't acting normally for a few years. I'd put his behaviour down to him finding that my Mum had a stroke and died in the time it took him to make her a cuppa

I second the mice thing that luciemule mentioned, Dad could see mice running under his bed in hospital and became quite distressed by them. Bless him though, he did also think that the Dr was doing the ward rounds sipping a bottle of vodka... it was Evian water.

It is almost impossible to get someone to accept that they have a problem unless they have times when they are very lucid and start to realise the random things that they have done when they've been confused. I don't think my Dad ever knew. Getting them to go to their G.P. for that initial assessment can be difficult. My Dad's personality changed, before dementia took hold he was quite fierce. He turned into someone very easy going. Sadly, many people become aggressive.

it does sound a bit like early onset dementia. Thats exactly how my mum went. Hers were caused by mild strokes(TIA's) that didnt affect her limbs,but gradually took bits of her memory away. Funnily enough it was the recent events she couldnt remember but she was fine with things that happened in the war.
I would mention it to the relatives again as sometimes it not noticeable to them. The worst they can do is ignore you.

Bad depression can also cause the same problems too. Do you feel like you can talk to the person in question

the anger issue is also something that is present with dementia and can become a problem

We're dealing with this as well at the moment, but there are a myriad of things that could be causing the problem for my fil, and although we realise that it could be dementia- there are other avenues that need to be explored first.

oh dear Riven as if you didn't have enough on your plate. My mum also commented that the Alzheimer's Society was very helpful although I'm not sure in what sense (practical or just emotional support). I'm seeing her this week, can check what else was useful if you like. But my mum did at least have Grandma and my aunt around so didn't feel like she was the only responsible adult trying to deal with it.

I think i will have to say something as i have been asked and agreed to be their weekly cleaner as i live close and am a SAHM.
Although im already caring for my disabled FIL, which is quite a heavy load of work by its self, i don't mind helping out at all don't get me wrong, but its the angry outbursts that worry me,, i once had my arm broken by a man i used to care for - wasn't his fault he had a complication from late stage dementia, but still, am wary of being put in a similar position.

I will talk to their sister who sees them most days,,i just don't want to upset them all, as im pretty sure they know, the fobbing off seemed to imply she was in denial, but i really feel like i have no choice.

im sorry to hear about your mother riven, does she have any helpers from nhs at all?

IKWYM about the flying pig, why is it that the worst treated child ends up being the one that gets left picking up the pieces of a parent falling apart? so unfair its not true

Riven, could you phone her GP and explain your concerns?

Also, have a firm word with your brother! You have far too much on your plate as things are without being the only sibling to take charge of an ill mother!

It is extremely difficult, although I'd managed to get my Dad to see his G.P. for a check up, I couldn't persuade him to have the blood test that the doctor wanted. Although they did the basic assessment for dementia - they asked questions like what year is it, who is Prime Minister etc. He got every answer wrong, they would not give him (or me) any support at all. I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I was looking after dh and dd who both have medical conditions, and ds too.

His condition deteriorated, and he went from managing OK in his own home to him leaving the cooker on, but unlit very quickly. I think he had an infection too, which accelerated things even further. He was taken to hospital by the Police, where he gave someone else's name. How potentially risky was that?! In the end, when they got this other man's medical notes they realised that my Dad wasn't him... then they discovered who he really was and I found out the next day that he was in hospital.

Like many people, my experience of dementia isn't positive. I have been deeply upset by some stories in the media, there was one in particular about a celeb's wife who lived in Westminster and they were applauding the dementia care service there... it's just a shame that many of us did not get that level of care for our loved ones.

riven i sympathise....my mum had lots of TIA's and eventually had a CAT scan. They founf 6 old bleeds in her brain. She was labelled with degenerative brain disease but her symptoms were very similar to alzeihmers. Fortunately she was never aggressive. I ended up looking after my mum 24/7 for 7 months before i collapsed. I was trying to do a part time job,lookk after two boys as a single parent and cope woth being up 3 or 4 times a night to take mum to the loo as she would forget where it was. Ans her son.....well thats another story,wouldnt even give a night of 10 pin bowling up to give me a night off. Bastard, i will never forgive him. He cared so little ,he didnt even know his own mother had died until 3 months after she had. He never visited her in her nursing home even tho he lived 10 minutes away.

My mum has end-stage dementia.

Forgetfulness and repetition are standard symptoms. Anger is also very common - kicking off for almost anything.

I would recommend that the OP follows up with the closer relatives. There is not much that can be done for the disease itself, but there will come a point where the elderly person becomes very unsafe and need to be cared for.

You can also alert the vulnerable adults team at Social Services.

The mini-mental test is not appropriate for a simple dementia test. Dementia is a complex disease, and there may not be cognitive decline.

For anyone worried about a relative who potentially has dementia, you need to get your GP to refer you to a psychogeriatrician.

Another 'clue' for very early dementia is 'sundowning' - the person becomes confused and distressed/forgetful just before bedtime, or just before their daytime nap.