Donating a Kidney

[palacemonkey]

Has anyone done this?

My Uncle needs a kidney - his wife, sons, and siblings are all unable to donate/incompatible for various reasons, and I have offered one of mine. My Uncle and Aunt have both said that they are grateful, but have no 'expectations' that I will go through with it (ie they don't mind if I pull out).

BUT - and it's a big but - I'm a widow with DS. He's only 21 months old atm and I work full time. Sick leave from work is fine and DS would still be able to go to the childminder when I am recuperating. My (single, childless, retired) Aunt would come down from Scotland to look after me too, so I'd have help there.

The problem I have the most is, the nurse mentioned that I wouldn't be able to lift anything for 8 weeks. So not able to lift my son for 2 whole months. He's still in a cot, so needs lifting there, in and out of the car, on and off the sofa (for ITNG each night!) and he's a climber, so I need to be able to get him out of trouble pretty quickly. He wouldn't understand why I wouldn't be able to lift him either.

So basically, I was wondering, has anyone had any experience of this surgery/recovery? Also - how do you think DS would cope with me being out of action for such a long time?

My Uncle needs this kidney, but not desperately - he could go a couple of years on dialysis without it being a huge problem - but he's a very active 65ish with his first grandchild on the way - so it would affect his lifestyle alot.

Do you think I could say yes, but not until DS is older? Argh! I don't know what to do!

TIA

bump?

one last bump please??

You could say yes but that you want to defer. The workup takes some time anyway. However I have to say I don't think you are an ideal candidate. In donating your kidney you are giving away 50% of your renal function. That's probably going to be fine but if something unexpected happens you could be very poorly. Now that's the risk all live donors take BUT you are especially vulnerable in this situation because of your very young child and the fact that you are parenting alone. If something goes wrong either in the op or in the years afterwards the consequences for your son are going to be life shattering. I know how much your uncle needs this (I work in admin on a renal unit) but I also know as a parent how much your son needs you and will continue to do so. I wouldn't risk it. I know that may seem selfish but there is nothing about renal failure which isn't hard and horrible tbh and this is no exception. Even if you do it and are fine your uncle will still likely lose the transplant at some point because they don't last forever in a recipiant. In some circunstances they last for years and years and in other (unfortunate patients) it can be months. That's quite hard to cope with.
I assume he is on the transplant list for an unrelated donor? Why not wait at least two years and see if something comes up for him? I just think post operative recovery is the least of your problems. I know you want to help, I look at our patients and think 'I've got two - I could give one' but we also have responsibilities to our kids and sadly you have that twice over. All the best.

Just seen this, I think you should talk to the transplant team and Kidney UK. I am sure they can put you in touch with someone in a similar situation.

Transplants take a while to arrange, so speak to the hospital staff first to get an idea of timescales.

But ultimately, yes of course you can say you want to wait until DS is older. You are doing a good thing by offering to be a beating donor and I'm sure your uncle is very grateful. Be honest and talk about it with him and his team. Renal patients usually have a very strong relationship with their doctors and this would be a good environment to talk about it.

Here's some links:
www.kidney.org.uk/living-donor/
www.kidneyresearchuk.org/health/health-information.php
www.kidneypatientguide.org.uk/site/contents.php

no help just wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

I'm feeling a bit bad about my post being negative because this is an amazing thing to do - but it is also very hard. I just want to be clear though - that's my personal view based on everything that I've had the chance to see. It's not a professional recommendation or otherwise!

What a lovely gesture you are making.

I'm in the process of donating one of my kidney's to DH.

All the tests results have come back positive so far, but we have a 4 yo DD who starts school this year so have said that we will wait until next year at the earliest to go through with the operation. We still need to discuss this part with the Transplant Co-ordinator, as have only just had the last test results come back in the past few weeks.

DH has to undergo dialysis 3 times a week at hospital after work. He doesn't get in till nearly midnight on these days, so it is hard-going all round.

However, he is despite this in otherwise good health and has done dialysis for since DD was 6 months old.

If he wasn't as well as he was we'd plan to do it sooner. His dad was going to be the donor, but they found through testing that his own kidney function wasn't that great so I started going through the process.

It has taken ages to even get this far. It will be 2 years in June since his dad (and mum who isn't a match) first went for testing, and I first started the process last summer. So even if you are an overall match it is unlikely going on my own experience that it will be done for some time.

I couldn't personally have done it when DD was so young but there may be more urgency needed in your uncle's case. DH was admitted to hospital a couple of years ago and was in for 4 weeks and I struggled with that and looking after my DD who was 2.5 at the time. She was very upset with the disruption as I was having to rely on GP and neighbours to help out looking after her.

Life on dialysis isn't great, but with the right attitude doesn't stop you living your life either.

Wishing you luck.

Thank you all so much for your honesty. I'm going to an information evening next week so I should be able to speak to the medical team then. My Uncle was initially very reluctant to accept my offer due to my single parent situation (and also I think because my parents are in Australia - where I'm from originally). I think my best bet is to speak to him and my Aunt and the medical team and check with them.

I was a bit worried about the future with one kidney too, but I have read up on it and they've said it's possible to live normally with one kidney. Another possible issue is that I might one day meet someone new and have another child. i know pregnancy can put pressure on the kidneys (although I didn't have any problems whilst pregnant with DS) and I don't want to discount the possibility of future children.

OK - so now I've finished rambling (!) I'll speak to everyone next week at the information evening and decide from there. Maybe waiting a couple of years would be a better option for me.

Thanks everyone.

TinaSparkles - I was at our dialysis unit recently (I commission renal services in my area) and was taken aback my the people who have twilight dialysis three times a week, but still get on with their lives.

I have had a lot of crap in my life in the last year, but I often find myself sitting on the sofa of a night thinking about people like your DH at the the dialysis unit. I have incredible respect and admiration for your DH and you, I think it's amazing.

Palace Monkey I too would like another DC, but while DH is on dialysis it's not practical. He has also heard that he is likely to be infertile while he is on dialysis though I'm a bit hmm at this...

It was one of the concerns I spoke with the Transplant Co-ordinator about but it shouldn't be a problem for me to get pregnant and have a baby. IIRC they prefer in these cases to take the right-side kidney but I can't remember what for. If you are healthy enough they would be able to take it using key hole surgery, so it's less painful than open.

Anyway, hope you get all the answers you need from the information evening. I've found the Transplant team so very empathetic. It's a huge choice to make but one which will have a profound affect on your uncle's quality of life, if you decide it's the right thing to do for you and your own family.

FYI although you will only have one kidney, it will increase it's function, think to about 70-75%?

QueenofWhatever thank you for your kind words. It's really tough thinking about what DH has to endure while I'm at home, but he is amazing, and is a brilliant husband and father. I really hope he can have a successful transplant and we can have our life back again. If anything though it has made our relationship stronger.

With regards potentially getting pregnant at a later stage with only one kidney - my mum had one kidney removed when she was 22 (it had apparently never worked). She went on to have 2 children and suffers no problems from only having the 1.